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20 Signs He Doesn’t Love You Anymore

Everyone can usually relate to interacting with someone where afterward, you think, replay, and analyze it thoroughly. We all do it, but we tend to do it a lot as women.

Have you ever seen the Friends episode after (SPOILER ALERT!) Does Ross kiss Rachel for the first time?

Immediately after, Rachel runs to the apartment to tell Monica and Phoebe. They rip the phone off the hook (old tech alert!) and want her to “tell us everything, every detail!

On the other side, Joey asks Ross if there is any tongue. Ross confirms it. Joey says, “Cool,” and they move on.

On some occasions, analyzing can be our brain’s way of making meaning of specific experiences and storing it as memory.

On the other hand, it can get us into trouble.

Therefore, we constantly toe the line of trying to pay attention but NOT over-analyze to “see” something that is not there.

However, there are moments when your gut starts to tell you something. You may push it off for a while, but it keeps coming up repeatedly.

In those moments, observing and analyzing what is happening is essential. Your gut might tell you the person you are with might not love you anymore.

If it is, you need to look at his behavior to confirm what you might be feeling.

It is appropriate to analyze his behavior because, if he is behaving in ways similar to the list below, there is a strong possibility he might not be in love anymore.

While this might be a painful realization, knowing the reality can give you peace of mind and empower you to move forward in ways you feel are beneficial for yourself.

Sign #20: He Seems to Have Pushed You Down His Priority List

Man Not Prioritizing His Partner
If he’s prioritizing everything but you, consider it a red flag.

It can indicate that you are not as important to him if he does not love you anymore. You will likely fall on his priority list because he would instead put his time and energy into other things.

You may notice he puts other things ahead of anything related to you or your relationship (i.e., household chores, work, friendships, extended family, hobbies, etc.)

Sign #19: He Is Distant

You might feel very distant from him if he is not in love anymore. The distance can be experienced both emotionally and physically.

He may “do his own thing” more often or find excuses to sleep elsewhere.

He might feel distant through a lack of engagement in conversation or being less expressive about his feelings.

He might be initiating very little and, overall, seems less invested.

It is similar to being pushed down the priority list. If he is not feeling the relationship, he will be less invested and likely seem more distant.

Sign #18: He Is Critical

Whether it is resentment, anger, or apathy, if your husband is no longer in love, he can become more critical.

You may notice that he nitpicks what you do or starts criticizing certain things he had never mentioned before (i.e., “Why did you put the glasses here? You shouldn’t have done that.“).

He may use hyperbolic statements “you always…” or “you never…” to describe your behavior. The criticism may begin to pick up in intensity and frequency over time.

Sign #17: He Becomes More Unkind

Angry Man Yelling Unkind Words
If he no longer cares about you, there may be no filter on what he says during an argument.

While this is similar to criticism, being unkind can take another form. It might involve more name-calling or using statements that hit “below the belt.

He might say, “You are crazy! What is wrong with you?!” or “Geez, you are as manipulative as your mother.

He might not just criticize you for what you do, but he might begin to dig, becoming extremely hurtful.

If he is apathetic towards you, he may not hold anything back when he speaks to you.

Sign #16: He Does Not Apologize for Hurting You

Apathy can often lead to a massive lack of empathy and remorse. If you love someone and care about them deeply, you will apologize for hurting them.

If he does not care about the relationship anymore, he probably will not care if he says hurtful things to you, which means he will likely stop apologizing when he does hurt you.

I have sat with couples where one person begins to cry as they recount something their partner said to them hurtfully. It is not a good sign when the partner does not offer comfort and sits beside them stone-faced.

It indicates they are highly checked out and lack empathy for their partner.

Sign #15: He Does Not Seem Empathetic to Your Feelings

This goes hand-in-hand with the former point. The ability to empathize is critical in relationships.

Empathy is often the catalyst for reconciliation because it can lead to patience and understanding.

If he lacks empathy, he is highly disengaged from the relationship and might NOT be interested in repairing it.

Sign #14: He Is Frequently Angry

Angry Man in Bad Mood for No Reason
If he is unhappy, he may always seem in a bad mood – and for no apparent reason.

Frequent anger and irritability indicate a lack of happiness, contentment, or satisfaction.

If he has fallen out of love yet is still in the relationship, he might feel trapped (even if it is his own doing!)

If he is lashing out, constantly irritable, or having anger outbursts, it can be a sign he no longer wants to be in the relationship and just has not ended it.

That being said, this can also be a symptom of many other things, so do not jump to conclusions right away!

Sign #13: He Does Not Show Physical Affection (Except Sex – Sometimes)

Men typically appreciate affection and tend to be more physical. Physical affection often helps guys feel good and more secure about the relationship.

If he stops showing affection, that can indicate a lack of love toward you. The exception can be sex.

If sex is occurring, but he is not showing affection, it can mean he is no longer in love. Some can detach themselves and just be involved in a physical sense.

Sign #12: He Does Not Seem Interested in Sex

If he is no longer having sex with you or seems to make many excuses around not having sex, it can indicate he has fallen out of love and has disengaged from the relationship.

Even if there are times when you do end up having sex, you may still experience a disconnect. He might not be interested in foreplay or spending time holding you afterward.

He may be interested in the act alone but not the other aspects of intimacy that create more of a bond or connection.

Sign #11: He No Longer Expresses Himself Emotionally

Man Emotionally Walled Off
If he has emotionally walled himself off, it will be hard to reconnect and communicate about the state of your relationship.

Communication is essential, but it also depends on what kind of communication. Your husband can technically be an excellent communicator without saying anything of importance.

Part of intimacy is being emotionally vulnerable with someone.

You want your partner to express what he feels like sharing, what makes him happy, what worries him, and what he hopes for.

You want him to tell you how much the life you built together means to him. You want to hear him say, “I love you.

Without those things, all you have is a roommate. He may be a vault, locked down from anyone else, but as long as he is open with you, that matters.

If this is absent from your relationship, he may be distancing himself from you.

Sign #10: He Begins to Work Late (at Least More Than Usual)

Some people work late due to deadlines, complications, or busy seasons.

For example, if you are married to an accountant, you know the first few months of every year are crazy. We are talking about the husbands who get home at roughly the same time every day.

If suddenly, they consistently start working late, this could be a sign of avoidance.

Husbands who are happy in their relationship look forward to going home and are engaged when they are home. If they are coming home late, it can mean they are unhappy and beginning to pull away.

Sign #9: He Goes out With Coworkers or Friends More Than Usual

Men Grabbing a Drink After Work
Context is essential in this situation. Spending time with coworkers and friends is normal and healthy. You may want to dig deeper if he suddenly starts doing it more.

This idea piggybacks off the former point. Whether it is with work or other people, he may use them to fill up the time he could spend with you. It is all still part of the pattern of avoidance.

In some ways, it allows him to have an excuse as to why he is not around without coming out and saying, “I don’t want to spend time with you.”

Actions can reveal a lot. If his activities involve little time at home besides brief interactions in the morning, before bed, and sleeping next to you, he is in a pattern of avoidance.

I am working with a couple whose wife focuses all her attention on her kids because she does not want to interact with her husband.

She has years of resentment and anger towards him, and now she admits she uses work and the kids as a buffer between her and her husband. Even their youngest sleeps in bed with her at night!

It has sent a clear message to her husband (she is uninterested in connecting with him), which is part of what they are working on in therapy.

Sign #8: He Takes on More Hobbies or Commitments That Pull Him Away From Home

These last few points seem to relate and feed off each other. They might be similar but manifest in different ways.

It is important to have hobbies and to honor commitments. However, it goes back to managing priorities.

I have listened to many spouses talk about how they do not feel like they are a priority to their partner.

If you are not a top priority to your husband, you probably already know it.

His actions will speak loudly on his behalf. It may involve you occasionally, but it will mostly be his interests and commitments on his timetable. He will focus more on the things that are important to him.

If you don’t care as much about something (even something like a relationship), you will not put it high on your priority list and will focus more on what you care about.

Sign #7: He Seems Disinterested in Conversation and Quality Time

Man Not Interested in Communicating With His Partner
If your husband shows little emotion or reaction when you try to speak with him and avoids situations where you can try to talk to him, he may have already checked out.

Again, it is another sign under the umbrella of avoidance. If your husband avoids being at home or around you, it can mean avoiding conversation and quality time with you.

He could be purposefully setting up a scenario where there is little interaction.

If you are not interested in intimacy or connection, you might intentionally leave little time where it could occur (or feel the pressure for it to happen).

Sign #6: He Seems Less Interested in Making Plans (Especially Regarding Your Future)

Whether it is a date or saving up to buy a new car, you may notice anything related to the future gets ignored, avoided, or shut down completely.

Again, it circles back to turning away from the relationship. Avoidance can take on many different forms. Not everyone is excellent at thinking ahead and making plans.

However, it could be a sign he is pulling away if he is not engaged in the process. It can indicate he is not interested or looking forward to the future.

If he is no longer in love, he will not be interested in taking the initiative on most things. You may even notice he does make plans, but they might not involve you.

He may plan to go to the gym, spend time with his friend, and take the dog on a walk. He may even communicate these plans to you, but when it comes to making plans where “we” are involved, he may avoid them.

Sign #5: He Becomes Non-Committal 

If he is not involved in making plans for the future (no matter how small), this can reveal his lack of commitment.

In the past, he may have talked plenty of times about the goals and dreams you had together. He may have talked about things he wanted to advance your relationship (i.e., talk about getting engaged, moving in together, or buying a house).

He may be less committed if he is no longer talking about the future and even seems to dismiss those conversations.

If he is no longer in love, in his mind, he likely sees the relationship as having an expiration date.

A husband who feels the relationship will eventually not see the point in discussing the long-term. His thinking may be:

Why invest in something that will end?

Sign #4: He Begins to Make Decisions You Do Not Find out About Until Later

Man Buys Car Alone
Healthy couples make big decisions together. If he’s making these decisions on his own or behind your back, you may wonder what else he could be hiding from you – and what other unpleasant surprises he may have in store.

Healthy couples and healthy relationships talk about the decisions they will make. Even if the decision pays off and is exciting, the decision-making process needs to be more collaborative.

Recently, I started working with a couple who has been married for almost fifteen years.

In our first session, the wife mentioned how the husband joined the military during their first year of marriage without talking to her about it.

Even after much time had passed, the resentment grew and still upsets her when it comes up. That was a big decision, but even more, minor decisions can indicate a lack of love.

While the small decisions might not be as life-changing as joining the military, there is a massive lack of communication if you are not hearing about decisions he is making until later or by accident.

A large lack of communication can reveal a disconnect in the relationship and maybe even reveal he is moving away from togetherness.

Sign #3: He Becomes Secretive (or Withholding)

If you notice he is not making decisions together, this could indicate more secrecy or things he could withhold from you. It’s another example of him not including you in his life.

Some secretive behavior can look like this:

  • hiding his phone or being protective of his phone
  • stepping outside or into another room when he gets a phone call
  • having passwords or not sharing his passwords with you (particularly if he did not have a password or refused to share his password before)
  • not being very specific about who he is spending his time with or where he is going
  • not being very forthcoming when you ask about his day.

Those are just a few examples of what secretive and withholding behavior can look like (especially if it is behavior he has not done before).

Sign #2: He Compares You to Other Women

Man Comparing Woman On TV
“Look! Why can’t you be like ____?” Those words can cut deep. If he’s comparing you to others, he may yearn to be with someone else.

These last two signs are less subtle, more in your face, and extremely hurtful. You want your partner to appreciate who you are and what you bring to the relationship.

If he is comparing you to other women, he does not appreciate who you are. The comparison can come in obvious statements like, “You should be more supportive like John’s wife.

They can come in somewhat less in-your-face statements. For example, if you were watching a movie and the male character has a girlfriend who surprises him with lunch, he says, “Oh, I wonder what that’s like.

He may not be saying your name, but he compares you to someone else.

If he compares you to others, it can mean he desires to be with someone else (maybe not a specific person, just someone else in general).

He is having a “grass is greener” moment and thinking about what he wishes he had rather than what he does have with him.

When love is not present, it can make it difficult to appreciate who your partner is as a person.

Sign #1: He Asks to “Take a Break”

While this one might seem obvious, it is often a statement with a broad spectrum of meanings, interpretations, and expectations.

Remember our friend’s reference from earlier?

Here is another classic one (SPOILER ALERT!): “We were on a break!”

If you have seen the show, you know this scenario.

In a heated fight, Rachel says, “Maybe we should take a break.” Ross leaves and has a one-night stand with someone else.

Rachel comes to Ross the following day, saying she is sorry and wants to work things out. Ross is thrilled and wants the same things.

Rachel discovers he slept with someone else, and everything falls apart.

Taking a break” can be anything from “We should take some time away from each other” (which can mean anything from legally separating to spending a weekend apart) to breaking up.

It is essential to understand what he means if this statement (or something along those lines) is said.

You need to know what his expectations are based on that statement. Making assumptions and interpretations can get messy fast.

Sometimes “taking a break” leaves one partner feeling hopeful there can be or will be reconciliation. In reality, that might not be the intention of the person asking for the break.

Wrapping Up Signs He No Longer Loves You

Wife Scared Husband Doesn't Love Her Anymore
Feeling like he doesn’t love you can be scary and depressing. If you find yourself in this situation, it’s essential to analyze it before making rash decisions.

If a few of these behaviors have happened or have been happening in your relationship, do not panic!

Some of these behaviors may happen in isolation or infrequently, so try not to over-analyze. Context also matters here as well. Look at his behaviors, but also look at the whole picture.

If he displays many of these, he does them frequently, and there don’t seem to be any significant stressors (basically, other obvious potential causes of said behaviors). There is a definite cause for concern.

However, even though it may be painful, knowing how he feels gives you the power to figure out your next steps and reach a place where you are ready to move forward, ultimately figuring out what is best for you.

Photo of author

Michelle Overman, LMFT

Michelle is licensed by the state of Texas as a Marriage and Family Therapist. Over her time in the field, she has helped couples understand the inhibiting patterns within their relationships and overcome those difficulties by creating more connection and vulnerability.

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