Are you left wondering how to cope after learning your spouse had an affair? Or perhaps you had the experience and are desperate to do everything in your power to salvage your marriage?
If surviving infidelity is your main objective these days, then take solace in knowing that together, you and your partner can move forward.
But trust me when I say you must have a plan!
You see, several years ago, my friend’s husband John had been having an affair.She knew within a matter of weeks thathe is to commit to trying to move past the affair. Yes, he cheated! Now, what a wife should do? Should she stay with the one who cheated? How would she feel with a cheater husband? Moreover, how to get past your husband’s cheating?
John expressed sincere remorse and she knew that he was truly upset about his actions and the pain he had caused. Through a lot of counseling (both in person and online), John and I learned how to survive infidelity.
Keep reading to learn the exact tips the counselor gave(plus a few more) to move forward. Moreover, my friends went through a great course that you can find here online, which helped them tremendously!
1. Prepare Your Mindset
It is important to realize that often the infidelity itself doesn’t immediately lead to a divorce.
Instead, it’s the issues that arise from an affair, and a couple’s inability to resolve them that will bring on divorce.
Issues of trust, pain, and forgiveness can impede the process of moving forward in a relationship.
If you both commit to a plan of action, you stand a much better chance of overcoming these issues.
2. Come Clean
When you and your spouse are ready, you both must sit down and have a completely open and honest conversation about the nature of the affair.
You need to understand the nature of it, whether it was emotional, sexual, etc.
3. Allow and Accept a Period of Grieving
The spouse who committed adultery needs to allow their partner time to grieve.
The adulterer should never set the timer for this period either, but instead, allow their partner as much time as they need.
Trust, forgiveness, and intimacy are not going to magically reappear in the relationship until the wronged spouse is ready.
Also, it is important to realize that this grieving process will not be linear. What I mean by this is that there will be both ups and downs.
Don’t feel discouraged if, after a week of progress and encouragement, the wronged partner seems to take a few steps back.
This is normal, don’t give up.
4. Respect Boundaries
The wronged spouse is going to disconnect both emotionally and sexually, for however long they need.
The adulterer must accept this and be present and supportive, yet respectful.
Lastly, if you are both determined to repair your marriage and move forward, be prepared to seal the cracks.
You must both be aware of what led to the affair, so you can address the problems and fix them.
You must also recommit to one another and be prepared to work together to move forward.
How to Forgive a Cheater
So now that you have an idea of the steps you can take to move past the affair, you may be wondering how you will be able to forgive your cheating spouse.
Know that despite forgiveness not being easy, it is entirely possible! And just so you know, being able to forgive a cheating partner is more beneficial to you than to them.