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How To Deal With An Angry Husband Who Is Always Negative And Irritable

Dealing with an angry husband who has random or constant outbursts of anger can really put a strain on your marriage.

If the idea of a conflict-free moment or conversation with your husband sounds like a fairy tale, then please believe that it is possible.

Things can get better if you both are committed to working on these issues together. To overcome this behavior, both you and your husband will need to make a sincere effort. 

However, if your safety is threatened, leave immediately. Know that it is never okay for your husband to verbally or physically abuse you.

Best Strategies And Tips For Dealing With An Angry Husband

There are a few times where you need to let small things slide. For instance, if it’s a rare outburst.

However, there are times where you may need to give them a stern warning and hold your ground.

Being kind to one another is important for staying in love and ultimately a happy union.

Outbursts of anger damage dimension of your relationship so it is important that your husband first understand the consequences of these outburst.

With that being said, he may have bipolar disorder.

If your husband seems to always be angry, irritable, negative, or maybe little things seem to set him off, then this post is for you.

Just know that there are actions you can take to more effectively deal with an angry partner.

Consider the following strategies when dealing with an angry husband. 

Use “I” Statements When Dealing With An Angry Husband

If you’re unfamiliar with what an “I” statement is, in short, it is a powerful way to communicate your message without immediately isolating your listener.

“I” statements are great because they can help to calm the tone and prevent it from spiraling into a fight.

This is wonderful for your relationship because it will help you focus your attention on a conversation that is productive and going somewhere.

In contrast, “I” statements are the complete opposite from a “You” statement.

A “You” statement shifts the focus and responsibility onto the receiver of the communication and often times will put the other person on the defensive.

An effective “I” statement has the following structure…

  1. I feel…
  2. When…
  3. Because…

Consider the following example: “I feel upset when you don’t talk around to my family because it appears you don’t care”

Use an “I” statement to express how you feel to your husband when he becomes angry.

Encourage your husband to also use “I” statements to more effectively communicate.

I statements for dealing with an angry husband

Be Assertive and Respectful When Dealing With An Angry Husband

Give him a calm warning and let him know that you don’t tolerate this.

Say something like, “I’m not your enemy, I know you may have had a bad day, but don’t talk to me like this”.

If you remain silent to his poor behavior, he may believe it is acceptable for him to lash out and continue acting poorly towards you.

Yet, if you challenge his anger with your own anger and lash out…then you’re going to likely escalate the situation.

Instead, find middle ground.

Address his behavior BUT remain respectful and calm.

Manage Your Emotions and Never Add to the Fire

Attempting to control your angry husband will only cause him to become more uncooperative and unresponsive.

Also, It is important that you control your anger as much as possible in response to your husband’s behavior.

The calmer you remain in this situation, the more likely you will de-escalate the situation and ultimately lessen the emotional intensity.

So try to stay level headed.

managing emotions when dealing with an angry husband

Get to the Root of the Issue

Often times we men turn our frustrations into anger and can unintentionally take it out on those around us. If your husband seems to be angry with you over things that aren’t your fault, consider talking with him after he’s cooled down about what is triggering his anger.

Often times, it’s that he’s feeling stressed out or disrespected. And it’s important you both can acknowledge where that is coming from. This will allow you both to have an honest conversation about how to make his, and ultimately your lives easier.

Consider Outside Help

Although not necessary initially, you may need to consider bringing in another person to help your husband both see the error in his ways and change.

I would first recommend confronting your husband calmly and respectfully if his behavior becomes a pattern. 

If he doesn’t listen, then consider bringing in some people who will put pressure on him to change, such as a counselor or a religious leader.

Another reason why you bring in other people is for validation.

Sometimes we’re too close to the situation and can really benefit from a third party perspective.

Also, your husband may be less likely to listen to you if he thinks you’re being overly sensitive…which is why a third opinion can really help.

counseling for dealing with an angry husband

In Summary, Use These Strategies To Effectively Manage Your Angry Husband

  1. Use “I” statements
  2. Manage your emotions and never add to the fire
  3. Be assertive and respectful
  4. Get to the root of the issue
  5. Consider Outside Help

If your husband is against seeing a counselor, there are other resources you can utilize to ensure your relationship gets the help it needs…

Check out the best marriage counseling books that can be just as effective as a marriage counselor.

We hope this post has made you feel more comfortable and confident when it comes time to deal with an angry husband.

Through practice you will only continue to get better. It is important that it a joint effort and both parties want to see change.

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Jennifer Tanaka

Jennifer is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker with a passion for helping couples struggling within their marriage, relationship, or during the divorce process.

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