Why some people fear commitment? Lets start with describing what commitment is. It means being devoted to someone with somehow limited freedom.
That is why to make a commitment, some people want to take their time before making any major decisions.
Many people had dissapointed experience in relationship previously and it might be hard for them to be commited fully. This negative experience causes your life anxiety, confusion, and regrets.
The fear of commitment comes into effect when you are afraid to say yes because you do not know if the other person will stay with you.
What Are Signs of Fear of Commitment?There exist multiple signs, including;
- Holding back
- Postponing plans
- Being rigid in your decisions
- Poor communication
- Avoiding being sexual with your partner
The first sign is holding back because of mixed emotions over whether things will work out the way you want.
Causes of holding back can comprise :
- poor childhood trauma
- relationship anxiety
- lack of understanding of how to connect with another person
Another sign of commitment issues is putting off making plans together. It can show that there is no detailed plan, though it could also be because there isn’t much planning involved in your love life.
Being Rigid in Your Decisions
Another sign of being scared of committing to a long-term relationship is wanting to do things your way, even if that means being alone.
It can be due to:
- not trusting yourself and others
- the feeling you have no control or ability over the situation, or
- unwilling to give up your individuality for one person.
Some signs of intense fear of a long-term meaningful relationship include avoidance.
For example, if you find yourself avoiding personal discussing issues with others to save the relationship from ruining itself. Another is pushing the issue out of the way to avoid the situation or relationship altogether.
Avoiding Being Sexual with Your Partner
Another sign is the inability to touch a partner sensually. Physical contact with another can be an excellent method of showing someone you love them. Keep in mind, sex matters and lack of it might push a partner away.
A romantic relationship is better than one that lacks any romance. If your partner rarely goes out of their way to make a long-term relationship romantic and sexual, they might have relationship anxiety.
Beginning or ending a serious relationship anytime without giving much notice is also considered a sign of commitment phobia. It could be because they don’t want to work on the relationship’s success, so they want to avoid dealing with it.
They may also not realize what they want out of the situation and therefore do nothing, hoping the problem will disappear and their life will fall into place on its own.
Solutions to Fear of Commitment
While there is no exact recipe to help commitment-phobic individuals, here are some ways you could try:
One way to avoid relationship issues is by following an approach called “Commitment Therapy.”
Commitment Therapy can help couples mend any commitment issues they may be having and improve their mental health relations; it includes the five steps:
3. gentle confrontation
4. empathic communication
5. mindful living.
For couples struggling with committing to the relationship, this method can help build stronger relationships and achieve a more satisfying relationship.
Commit To a Relationship With Yourself
If you are afraid of committing to relationships, the first commitment that you should make is to commit to yourself. Remember that you cannot commit to anyone else unless and until you commit to yourself first.
When you have a committed relationship with yourself, especially through internal growth and development, it will be easier for you to maintain your commitment. Committing to a relationship with yourself includes:
- More confidence and autonomy.
- Better health.
- Improved well-being.
- Reversal of years of emotional dependence and psychological damage
“I once had a strong anxiety disorder and was full of trust issues because of the past relationship. After, I started self-care routines such as meditation and mindfulness. I started loving myself more and not depending on other people for attention. I can now be in a relationship without worrying or expecting too much of others. My fright for commitment has slowly vanished”
Try To Spice Things Up
When people have relationship issues, it usually makes them feel they cannot trust the other person with their time and money.
It’s easy for committed couples to fight about what is best for the relationship. Some believe spending money on a date or gifts can help solve these issues, but does it?
Commitment is not just about staying in a relationship but also about making the relationship better each day. It will help you to keep growing and learning about each other. Benefits of spicing things up
in a relationship comprise.
- Increased intimacy between partners
- Increased sexual satisfaction
- Greater sense of “fun” among partners
- Improvement of feelings like love attraction, and commitment in a relationship
“I used to be scared of being committed to someone. It’s not that I didn’t enjoy their company or anything. I just loved my freedom. I often failed to see how this fear of commitment impacted my partner. After I started looking for ways of making our interactions more interesting, I slowly changed my mind. Spicing things up by going on dates and doing fun activities brought us closer than ever. My scare of commitment slowly went away”
Talk Openly with Your Partner
Please don’t spend more money on it when you feel unsatisfied with a relationship or want to avoid commitment altogether. Try to mend what isn’t working. Communication has been the key to a healthy relationship, and when people communicate correctly, they can work out their issues.
Share your feelings and ask them what they feel and what they appreciate in you. It is an excellent way to understand each other better.
“I used to have an intense fear of commitments because I had a string of failed and sometimes abusive relationships. I was always the type to keep things to myself and rarely spoke out when I had an issue.”
After I started having sit-downs with my partner, I got to open up about how I felt. With time, we started understanding each other more, and my scare of commitment waned.
With fear being a common problem for most people, it is vital to have the tools to overcome it. After knowing the signs of being afraid of commitments, you can easily tell whether you or your partner are afraid of commitment. By adopting the strategies listed above, you can slowly get over your fears.
Frequently Asked Questions
What Causes Fear of Commitment?
Some of the Causes include perceiving the benefits of being independent, perceiving that your current relationship is more fulfilling than a new one, and self-sabotage.
How Do I Fix My Fear of Commitment?
The best way to overcome commitment phobia is by talking to an expert. A therapist is well-versed with the knowledge of relationships and can properly guide you on how to proceed.
What Is The Root Of the Fear of Commitment?
Scared of being abandoned. It is an innate trait designed to protect us from predators and has served us well for millennia in our earlier survival-oriented lives. But now, the consequences are different: we face the risk of not finding a mate (potentially missing out on a lifetime of love) or losing our jobs or homes rather than facing life.