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How to Avoid Arguing and Fighting With Your Partner

Few things can make your home life more stressful than constantly fighting with your spouse. 

When you and your partner go through a rough patch in your marriage, it can feel like all you do is fight!

If you and your husband or wife cannot stop fighting and are looking for a solution, this post is for you.

Not only will your fighting increase your hostility and hatred towards one another, but it will also negatively affect your physical and mental health.

This post will outline some helpful strategies you can implement to avoid arguing and stop fighting with your partner

Tips How to Have Peace with Your Partner

Through seeing a couple’s counselor, speaking with other married couples, and our research, we learned some helpful tips on how not only to stop fighting with one another but diffuse an argument altogether. 

If it feels like your partner argues with you about everything, pay close attention to the following tips!

how to stop fighting with your spouse

Never Having A Conversation Angry

Although biting your tongue may be challenging in the heat of the moment, your conversations will be much more diplomatic and calm if you allow yourself time to cool off while engaging with your spouse.

Instead of allowing your emotions to get the best of you, walk away and say, “I want to talk about this later when I’m less likely to lash out in anger.” Spend the next couple of hours composing your thoughts and cooling off.

If you are going to argue with your spouse, then you need to know how to handle arguments in a relationship the right way. This is one of those crucial tips where you will see results more quickly if you get it right.

Always Saying “I love you” Before Bed.

You’re probably already familiar with this advice, but this has worked so great in our marriage that we still wanted to include it on this list.

Always tell your spouse you love them before hitting the hay, even if you’re upset.

Ideally, you would work out your issue entirely before bed, but if that isn’t possible, a quick “I love you, we can talk more about this tomorrow” will help to both thaw some of the ice between you and remind you both of the bigger pictures.

You’ll both wake up the next day on a better, not bitter, note.

stop fighting in relationship

Being Comfortable Saying And Meaning The Words “I am sorry.”

Fighting with someone who refuses to take accountability and apologize for their part in something is frustrating and can escalate and draw the argument out.

If you can check your pride at the door and humbly and genuinely apologize for your mistakes, you will significantly improve your ability to de-escalate the situation.

If you struggle with apologizing to your spouse – that is okay. Practice makes perfect. This is why we have included some apologizing do’s and don’ts in the second half of this post.

Trying Your Best To Understand Their Perspective.

Have you ever heard the saying about two sides to every story, with the truth usually lies somewhere in the middle?

Essentially, this tip’s an idea for avoiding arguing with your spouse. 

You have your opinion, and they have theirs.

Very often, neither side is entirely right or entirely wrong.

Exercising empathy and listening to their perspective will make you more agreeable and logical in their eyes and likely change your perspective on the entire situation.

how to avoid arguing with your spouse

Picking And Choosing Your Battles Wisely

Not everything is worth getting all worked up over, so be choosy when putting your foot down.

Think, “Will this even matter a week from now?” If the answer is “no,” perhaps reconsider if it’s worth getting bent out of shape about.

Instead, try this little trick: You are each only allowed to blow up 3 times a year.

This will force you to pick and choose your battles carefully.

You may go from making mountains out of molehills to strategically saving your “blowups” for moments that never arrive.

Let The Past Be The Past

So many couples have difficulty letting go of inevitable mistakes made by their partners.

Instances in which you have felt betrayed or blindsided by your spouse can be harrowing and brutal to overcome.

However, after resolving an issue, you mustn’t drag it out by bringing it up repeatedly.

When your spouse has apologized and shown remorse for their mistakes, it is unfair to hold said mistake over their head and continuously rehash it.

Let the past stay in the past; if you can’t do that, perhaps you should reconsider your future together.

So there you have it! Put these tips into practice, and there’s no reason you shouldn’t notice a decrease in both the severity and frequency of your fights!

Remember that there is no definitive cure for all your relationship problems.

What has worked for others may not work for you. The best thing you and your spouse can do is to keep a positive attitude, never stop loving, and commit to working on your issues together.

Now that you understand how to minimize the arguing and fighting in your relationship, discussing how to apologize to your spouse effectively is essential. 

How to Apologize to Your Spouse

Despite learning how to avoid arguments and stop fighting with your spouse, it is inevitable that at some point in a marriage, you are going to do or say something that upsets your spouse; it’s only human nature!

Some mistakes, such as infidelity and abuse, will require more patience in forgiving your spouse.

And you must be prepared to extend patience to your spouse in such instances.

However, this section is aimed at helping provide you with a few “dos” and “don’ts” for apologizing for more common mistakes, such as forgetting something important, not following through on a promise, or maybe just being an all-around grouch to be around.

Let’s discuss what you should NEVER do when you apologize first…

Don’t Ever Use The Words “But” Or “However” In Your Apology.

Qualifiers like this are typically used to shift the blame off yourself for your actions.

Saying, “I’m sorry I hurt your feelings BUT-” is the quickest way to have your apology come across as disingenuine.

How to Apologize to Your Spouse

Don’t Put An Expiration Date On Their Anger In Your Apology

People can be upset and hurt for as long as it takes them to get over something.

The best thing you can do to expedite the process of your spouse forgiving you is to be patiently supportive.

Never Gloss Over Your Mistakes While Apologizing

Make it a point to apologize for the full extent of your actions.

Instead of saying, “I’m sorry I hurt you,” try saying, “I’m sorry I hurt you by doing _____. I should have never done ______, and I take full accountability for my mistake.”

Don’t Use Previous Mistakes Made By Your Spouse To Invalidate Their Emotional Response Now

Just because your spouse made a similar mistake or did something perhaps worse doesn’t make you immune from needing to apologize for your actions.  

This isn’t a competition; you can’t compare mistakes…not if you’re genuinely sorry.

how to apologize to your husband or wife

Okay, now that we’ve gone over a few definite “no-nos” when apologizing, let’s discuss some things you should do!

4 Key Components of A Sincere and Effective Apology To Your Spouse

There are several components that all sincere and ultimately successful apologies have in common.

You may not need to incorporate all of these into your apology, but the more elements you can include, the better.

Please remember: all of this must be done on your own accord. Your apology MUST be genuine and heartfelt.

If you do not mean what you say, then it is best not to say it.

Apologize As Soon As You’ve Realized You’re Wrong.

Being stubborn or holding out on apologizing in the hopes that your spouse will “get over it” is childish and likely to escalate their emotions.

Now, if you’re in public and perhaps can’t have a private moment, that’s one thing. But as soon as you get a chance in the appropriate setting, go for it!

Apologize By Staying True To Yourself And Use Language You’d Typically Use.

Even if you attempt to sound more thoughtful or more genuine, copying the language of others too closely can lead your spouse to think your apology is scripted and phony.

Key Components of A Sincere and Effective Apology To Your Spouse

Apologize With The Right Body Language.

If you’re apologizing in person, your body language must match the words coming out of your mouth.

Make eye contact, listen politely to what they say, and ensure you’re not coming across as aggressive or closed off (i.e., don’t have your arms crossed, don’t roll your eyes or stand over them).

Apologize By Telling Them How Much They Mean To You.

Apologizing is excellent, don’t get me wrong, but hearing that your feelings and happiness are essential to someone else because they love you may be even better.  

If you express your love for someone while you apologize, you’re showing them that they matter to you.


So there you have it!

These are just some of the many “dos” and “don’ts” of an effective apology to your spouse!  

When apologizing to your spouse, it can be tricky sometimes, but remember always to be sincere and take your time.

Photo of author

Robert Hughes

Robert helps couples and families alike resolve, accept, and improve turbulence, trauma, and tension within their interpersonal relationships.