Let’s face it: knowing how to fix a broken marriage is confusing enough without having to actually do it! But despite the overwhelming nature of this feat, the truth of the matter is, you absolutely can fix a broken marriage. If both you and your partner are committed to making the right changes, then you can save it from divorce.
Several years ago, my wife and I were feeling completely helpless in our marriage and were considering getting a divorce. Through the help of a counselor, an online course, and our own research through books, we were able to save our marriage. In fact, we are quite happy today and thankful we put in the time and effort to save our marriage.
We realize how fortunate we were to have access to so many resources that not everyone can afford, which is why we wanted to at the very least, compile our most helpful tips in this article for all to read. We’ll walk you through some key components to fixing your marriage.
Whether your marriage is newly rocky or you and your spouse are on a fast track to divorce, the following steps outline what you can do now to mend the damage and start the healing process.
How to Fix a Broken Marriage
In this section, you will discover the 5 steps that you can implement in order to fix your broken marriage. This understanding will allow you to pin point key issues in your marriage so that you can quickly get your relationship back on track. It is important that both you and your partner take these steps very seriously and work together to ultimately see a positive outcome. If you are looking for how to fix a broken marriage alone, then you will definitely benefit from checking out this video here.
1. Determine what made you fall in love in the first place.
Get back to basics and reflect on what about one another do you adore most? Writing this down may even be more helpful to you.
It is easy to become desensitized to the traits and qualities you love most about one another over the years, which is why it is important you make a conscious effort to reflect on such things now!
2. Reflect on what has made your marriage feel broken.
Have you grown apart? Has life gotten in the way? Where did things go wrong? Identifying the cause of what made your marriage feel broken will help you to more quickly tackle the root of the issue. If infidelity is the reason, then check out how you can learn how to love again and forgive a cheater.
If you need a little help in determining where things went south, consider if any of the following four reasons that commonly contribute to broken marriages have played a role in your struggles:
- A lack of communication
- A Lack of care and affection
- A crisis
A lack of communication can often times act as a “gateway” issue so to speak. So for instance, when communication breaks down, other issues often follow…such as lack of care and affection and in some extreme instances infidelity. In terms of a crisis (i.e. death in the family, sudden illness or financial issues, etc.), the couple’s love, patience, and support of one another will be tested. It is not uncommon for one or both spouses to feel let down by their partner in such situations.
3. Practice effective listening skills.
Perhaps you have heard this one before, but are you giving it your sincere and best effort?
The better listening and communication skills we possess, the more equipped we are to develop healthy, happy, and fulfilling relationships. Carefully listen to your significant other and expect the same from them. Hone this skill by:
- Showing genuine interest. Very few people will share their inner thoughts or emotions unless they feel the listener truly cares for them.
- Commenting occasionally. Give brief summary statements as you listen which will assure the individual that you’re listening and understanding their message.
- Reading nonverbal messages. Since the majority of our communication is expressed through nonverbal cues, being able to decipher these signals will benefit your relationship.
- Setting aside your own emotional reaction. In order to listen successfully, it is important to set aside your own emotional reactions and concentrate on comprehending your partners message.
4. Never let distractions hinder your progress
It’s all too easy for children, careers, and other responsibilities to get in the way of your marriage. Life is busy! It is imperative for your success, that you and your spouse make time for one another and keep the right attitude, despite how hectic your lives may be.
5, Find a way to reconnect.
Consider what it would take for you rekindle a connection. Make each other a priority and reconnect through a date night or a planned event solely for the two of you. Commit to exclusively spending some amount of time together every day, even if it’s just ten minutes before bed. This may just help to fix your issues. If you are wondering how to fix a broken marriage after separation, then just be aware that finding ways to reconnect again are crucial. If you are having trouble thinking of ways to accomplish this, then check out these best games for a couples game night that are guaranteed to do the trick.
How to Save a Marriage From Divorce
If your marriage is headed towards divorce there are some things you can do in addition to everything above. Practice the steps above and incorporate the following steps to create a healthier relationship between you and your spouse.
Pull your weight when it comes to responsibilities.
Running a household and marriage is a dual effort. This includes everything from cleaning the house, running errands, to helping out with the kids.
Anything that you can do to help your spouse shows you that appreciate them. Even if you have a stay at home wife, your wife works too whether you see it or not, so it is important to still contribute on weekends or days off. Not contributing and pulling your weight is an easy way to build resentment.
Always practice continuous self improvement.
Whether you’ve let yourself go, picked up some nasty habits, or have become short tempered from a job you dislike, it is important to strive to be the best version of yourself in all aspects.
If you start taking better care of yourself your spouse will notice. It is so much easier to be with somebody who is happy and respects themselves compared to someone who is lazy and doesn’t work to be the best version of themselves. Self improvement is just more attractive. If you’re not sure where to start with self improvement, check out this post for 42 practical ideas.
Invest in a proven system.
Although not an absolute “must”, Emily and I had great success after incorporating the guidance of an online marriage course into our healing process. We needed something to help get the ball rolling after the momentum from our biweekly counseling appointment had worn off.
Instead of spending twice as much money on counseling, we decided to first try an online course that would offered counseling from home. This approach wasn’t exactly orthodox, but we were willing to try anything and everything if we thought it might help fix our marriage. Learning how to fix a broken marriage isn’t enough – you both must be dedicated to putting those teachings into practice and this system can help achieve that.
Don’t make a mountain out of molehill.
If your spouse and you are heading towards a divorce you likely aren’t seeing eye to eye on things. If your main priority in your marriage is to save it from divorce, then it is crucial you create a peaceful and healthy energy between you and your spouse.
Next time you’re arguing ask yourself “Will this matter a week or two from now?”. When things are rocky is when we tend to be the most critical and sensitive. This can lead to us blowing things out of proportion and cause more fights.
Learn to take accountability and say “I’m sorry” when you’re wrong.
Learning to be accountable for your mistakes is a huge component to any healthy relationship, not merely marriages. Even if your partner doesn’t take accountability for his or her mistakes, it is important that you do. Perhaps you taking responsibility and being the bigger person will ignite the same response in them.
Plus, admitting when your wrong and offering a sincere apologize will show that you want to make things right. Overall, this sends a great message.
Spend time alone together.
Spending time alone together is a crucial key to a fulfilling marriage. Couples need their alone time to bond and be intimate with one another. This alone time allows for you to bond and focus solely on one another, if even for just twenty minutes! If you and your spouse are committed to working on your issues, then you and your partner would greatly benefit from checking out some of the best marriage counseling books that you can read together.
With your relationship falling apart, being alone with your spouse may sound uncomfortable, but you must be open to it. Get back to basics and recommend an activity you both enjoyed before the tides turned.
Remember that healing a broken marriage does not happen in a microwave, but rather in a crock pot. It will take time and commitment to resolve your issues, so don’t expect a miracle in a month’s time! Put these tips into practice to take the right steps to not only saving your marriage, but rebuilding the love between you and your spouse. If you have any tips or advice for how to fix a broken marriage, please leave them in the comment section below, my wife and I would love to read them.