Psychology and biology play a role in falling in love. We are wired to connect. Therefore, it helps to use some psychological tactics to get someone to fall in love with you. If you have fallen out of love with someone, you can use the same methods to help yourself find the spark again.
Love is a complicated emotion. Scientifically, love is a result of a particular chemical expression in our bodies. What some people describe as love, such as love at first sight, is likely a reaction to the release of sex hormones.
You could turn heads and attract someone’s attention by playing into their idea of what they find attractive. But is that really love?
For some, deep, romantic love can’t happen without a sexual attraction. For others, love hits deeply regardless of sexual attraction. Therefore, getting someone to fall in love with you depends largely on their concepts of love.
You can’t force someone to fall in love with you. However, you can take advantage of what we know about our emotions and social connections to increase the likelihood that the object of your pursuit will develop similar feelings toward you.
How to Get Someone to Fall in Love With You
The following tips can help things get started, elicit love’s chemical response in the body and allow two people to become closer. We can’t guarantee that these recommendations will make someone fall in love with you. But we can offer these recommendations, which draw on scientific principles to boost your chances of making a solid connection with the person of your dreams.
1. Match What They’re Looking For
Many people have non-negotiable characteristics that they look for in a lover. For example, they may only date people who have the same religious beliefs as them. They might be looking for an energetic companion who inspires them to get out of the house and take daring action.
If you don’t have the same spiritual values as them, they may not see you as a potential partner. If you’re a homebody, you may never make it past the friend zone.
Research shows that similarity matters when it comes to background and values. It’s less important when it comes to personality.
You can ask yourself if you want to change for them. In some cases, this is a reasonable request. Perhaps you want to live a bolder lifestyle, and this is the inspiration to help you do so. But altering your values and beliefs doesn’t make you a better partner if it makes you live an inauthentic life.
Learn what your love interest is seeking in a romantic partner. If you hold those qualities or want to adopt them as part of your internal growth, that’s great. If you don’t have those characteristics and don’t want to change, however, set your sights on someone with whom you’d be more compatible.
2. Look Your Best to Feel Your Best
Countless magazine and internet articles advise you to make yourself more conventionally attractive to find love. They recommend wearing flattering clothes, paying attention to your hairstyle and even wearing more makeup.
However, those enhancements aren’t for everyone. If you don’t want to attract a superficial lover who places importance on appearance, you don’t need to worry about wearing makeup or blow-drying your hair.
Do what makes you feel your best. In many cases, this involves self-care practices that nurture you from the inside out. Getting exercise can improve the way that your body looks. But, more importantly, it helps you feel good. When you sleep well, you usually look and feel better than you do after a restless night.
Your appearance should be a reflection of you. Wear clothes that look great to you. Style your hair in a manner that makes you smile when you look in the mirror.
Focus on how attractive you think you are rather than concentrating on how attractive you think other people perceive you. You’ll exude confidence, which is magnetizing. Plus, you’ll appeal to the people who love you for exactly who you are.
3. Emphasize the Things That You Have in Common
The evidence for the importance of commonality in a relationship is mixed. However, studies show that a significant element of attraction is a perception of similarity. As partners get to know each other, they can get caught up in any perceived dissimilarities. This puts a negative spin on the relationship.
You don’t have to agree on everything. However, you can emphasize your similarities even when you disagree by demonstrating interest in and appreciation for your partner’s opinions.
4. Spend Time Together
Although absence may make the heart grow fonder, so can proximity. Propinquity, the familiarity that develops when you live near someone and spend time with them, can help someone fall in love with you.
The propinquity effect is the tendency to create relationships with the people whom you encounter often. This includes neighbors, coworkers and fellow students.
If you have a crush on the clerk at the grocery store, stand in their line more often. If you’re familiar to them, they’ll be more likely to want to get closer to you.
5. Share Your Feelings With Them
Imagine that you regularly hang out with a large group of friends. You have fun with them, and you have never considered a romantic relationship with any of them. But one of the friends pulls you aside and tells you that Blake is in love with you. Even though you have never looked at Blake in a romantic way, you start to develop feelings for them.
This illustrates the concept of reciprocal liking. People generally prefer partners that return the interest.
You don’t have to write a lengthy letter or express your love by standing beneath their window and reciting a soliloquy. Non-verbal cues go a long way in demonstrating your feelings.
Some subtle ways to show your love for someone with body language include:
• Making eye contact
• Leaning in when they speak to you
• Quickly touching their arm
• Letting them know when something makes you think about them
• Mirroring their pose or movements
Smiling is one of the non-verbal behaviors that demonstrate your interest in someone. A happy expression can also make you appear more attractive.
Moreover, smiling at the object of your affection and laughing at their jokes can boost their self-esteem. If you make them feel like a better person, they’ll likely want to hang out with you more.
Make sure that you’re responding to them authentically, however. People can often spot a fake laugh, and a forced reaction can trigger insecurities.
Smiling can also make you feel happier. If you’re nervous around another person, try smiling more. It lowers stress and lifts your mood. When you exude your best self, you’re likely to be met with positive reactions.
7. Be a Good Listener
Excellent communication involves knowing how to express yourself and appreciate the other person’s expressions. Just as you do, the person that you’re in love with wants to feel seen and heard.
To be a good listener, use body language that shows your interest. Lean into the conversation, and maintain eye contact. If something distracts you, don’t let it capture your attention.
After the object of your affection has told you something, don’t turn the conversation to yourself. Instead, reflect on what they said. Some ways to do this include:
• Repeating the main idea of their statement in your own words
• Supporting their emotions by saying, “It sounds like that made you feel …”
• Asking questions
• Empathizing by saying, “I’m sorry you had to go through that”
You don’t have to agree with everything they say. However, someone who feels like you’re constantly opposing or attacking them might pull away from you. Keep them leaning in by validating what they have to say before putting in your two cents. “Yes, and …” is an excellent way to show your support even if you have a different opinion.
8. Learn About Their Interests
When you talk about things that you’re interested in, your eyes probably light up. Your heart swells. You’re filled with passion, and that fervor spills out and influences the world around you.
Learning about your potential partner’s interests can make them feel the same way. Spend time talking about their passions. Show them that you’re interested in hearing about it.
You don’t have to share the same passions. However, your partner will likely have a lot to say about their interests and hobbies. If they can’t share that enthusiasm with you, they may not see you as a desirable or relatable partner.
On the other hand, if your eyes light up when you listen to them talk about their favorite video game, they’ll become more excited. They’ll feel as though you share common emotions, and that similarity helps to elicit feelings of love.
9. Be Independent
If you want someone to fall in love with you, one of the worst things that you can do is act needy or clingy. Because of that, many dating advice articles recommend that you play hard to get. But games aren’t going to bring you true love.
One of the best ways to draw your love interest closer is to live your life with enthusiasm. Do the things that you love. Demonstrate that you’re driven to maintain a certain level of curiosity, interest and action.
Independence makes you attractive to other people. They see that they don’t have to step in to help you optimize your life. In fact, if you follow your dreams and take control of your life, you’ll be a captivating person to be around. The person that you love will see that, and their curiosity about you will be activated.
Then again, you don’t want to be so independent that you’re hard to reach. Most people like to help out the people that they love. If you make your life appear so autonomous that you don’t need anyone else in it, you might push your potential lover away before they have a chance to get close.
10. Be Vulnerable
One way to balance out your independence without being needy is to show vulnerability. Vulnerability helps you create a genuine bond with the other person.
Opening up about your emotions is one way to be vulnerable. This doesn’t mean that you should dump negativity on the other person. In fact, venting and complaining too much can bring about a heavy energy in the relationship.
Being vulnerable entails sharing your inner thoughts and feelings. It helps the other person understand what you want and need, which puts them in a position to offer it.
Most people have an innate desire to help others. When the person that you have a crush on realizes that they can help you in certain ways, they might feel more connected with you.
It can be hard to show vulnerability in the face of a love interest, though. We often fear that other people will make negative judgments about us.
One of the best ways to become more vulnerable with the person that you like is to share your thoughts about vulnerability in general. You’ll probably learn that they appreciate openness and aren’t quick to judge someone for having normal human emotions. Communicating about vulnerability can bring you closer together.
11. Make Them Feel Appreciated
In the book “The Power of Bad: How the Negativity Effect Rules Us and How We Can Rule It,” the authors state that lack of appreciation affects almost every long-term relationship.
Feeling unappreciated impacts the ego and derails connection. On the other hand, showing appreciation for someone enhances their confidence and brings out feelings of reciprocal appreciation and interest.
Expressing gratitude for your love interest can encourage them to fall for you. You don’t have to gush about everything that they do or go overboard. But thanking them for small things, such as driving you home or paying for drinks, is essential.
You can go a bit further and demonstrate your depth by telling them how much you appreciate their interactions with you. Perhaps they said something comforting when you were griping about your boss.
Maybe they listened attentively when you babbled about an interesting book that you just read.
Tell them that you appreciate their actions. Mention that you’re thankful that you have someone like them in your life. These small measures of gratitude have a big impact on the other person’s appreciation for you.
12. Go on Exhilarating Adventures
Dopamine, serotonin and norepinephrine are neurotransmitters that are tightly linked with attraction and love. Being in love increases levels of these chemicals in our bodies. But boosting these hormones can also make someone feel more in love.
Doing something daring, scary or exciting with your love interest can activate the reward and pleasure centers in the brain. Activities that get your blood pumping mimic the feelings of being in love. If you spend enough time doing new, fun things together, you and the object of your affection can establish a loving connection.
Plus, being adventurous together gives you a chance to learn more about one another. You’ll build trust and work on your communication without even knowing it. You’ll likely show lots of vulnerability, and you’ll demonstrate that you’re independent.
13. Get Closer
Oxytocin is referred to as the love hormone. You release this hormone when you bond with someone. A hug or a good cuddle elevates your levels of oxytocin. Doing nice things for people, giving or getting a massage and having a good conversation also stimulate oxytocin production.
When that oxytocin is flowing in your system, you tend to feel a stronger bond with the person you’re hanging out with. Therefore, triggering oxytocin release in your partner might help them fall in love with you.
Oxytocin is one of the reasons that being intimate with someone makes you feel close to them. Sex and orgasm trigger an oxytocin release, which activate a flood of loving emotions.
However, having sex to get closer to someone isn’t always the best way to make them fall in love with you. The intense reaction to oxytocin can cloud your other senses, preventing you from seeing red flags.
Therefore, we recommend some of the other methods of raising oxytocin levels in your partner, such as spending quality time with them and making your conversations count.
The Bottom Line
Although you might be tempted to change yourself to make someone fall in love with you, that’s not the best course of action. It’s not easy to maintain a façade, and you’ll eventually reveal your true self.
Getting someone to fall in love with the authentic version of you is much more effective. It allows you to live your life with independence and ease. It also minimizes the pain that you might feel if your love interest doesn’t reciprocate your feelings.