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How To Stop a Divorce from a Wife

Like ships passing in the night, you are on opposite schedules. You and your wife cannot recall the last time that happened when your wife kissed you and meant it.

Although most people are unhappy with the state of affairs, you figure that things will improve at some point in life.

Your wife approaches you and utters the dreaded “D” word in an emotional amalgam of resolve, fear, and uncertainty.

Incredulously you stare at her as your mind goes numb. Your future flashes before you,u in segmented movie clips. Fear overcome you like a tidal wave crashing into the shore.

As you try to alleviate panic, your mind starts racing with questions…

What happens next? Did I even realize that she was this unhappy? Do I want a divorce? Is there another option?

Knowing that aspects of this scenario are commonplace and understanding that you are not alone in this life upheaval is essential.

Now, you want how to stop a divorce or wife from divorcing or a divorce or your wife from divorcing. You want to be careful and learn how to stop a divorce and do it correctly.

Emotions about the News

This announcement inevitably triggers astonishment and stress as husbands quickly understand the magnitude of their wives’ unhappiness.

At this point in difficult process, husbands seem to gain temporary access to both 20-20 and hindsight vision. They start believing fully understand, appreciate, accept and value their wives.

Amongst panic, fear, and uncertainty, some angry and desperate husbands will try to save the marriage via a journey down long road of personal transformation and priority shifting.

Some wives will deem this last-ditch effort as “too little, too late,” while others may be more open-minded with reconsideration. If you happen to be a husband in this scenario, use this action plan to assist you in changing your wife’s mind about wanting a divorce.

Now, let’s get into details about each point on how hard work to get marriage counseling either stop a divorce or your wife from divorcing one partner.

Plan on how to stop a divorce and change your wive’s mind

  1. Ask for reasoning( this way, you will find out why your wife wants to be separated)
  2. Take responsibility for your actions( if you feel it )
  3. Inquire as to what changes should be made ( as the opportunity for marriage to be continued)
  4.  Admit you have hurt her by listening to her without being confrontational
  5. Express regret by making yourself vulnerable and giving a genuine apology
  6.  Improve communication by allowing your wife to speak openly and give constructive feedback on her concern
  7.  Learn healthy coping mechanisms. For example, do not avoid difficult conversations, as they breed resentment
  8. Reinforce your commitment to change with actions that convince her of your motivation to change
  9. Prioritize your wife above all else
  10. Focus on personal development

Possible reasons wife wants a divorce

So, first, what can be done to find out what might be the reason why the wife wants the marriage to be over? If your wife desires a divorce, she has likely been unhappy and considering potential options for quite some time.

She probably no longer trusts in you or your relationship and has lost faith in the possibility of reconciliation or marital improvement. If you are committed to changing your wife’s mind about wanting a divorce, you must first understand her reasoning for considering divorce.

Perhaps she is feeling some of the following:

  • Neglected, unloved, or as a distant priority among perceived more significant concerns.
  • Unheard, invalidated, or as if emotional and physical needs are being neglected.

Your wife must believe you are genuine in your resolve to enhance and repair the whole save your marriage. Whatever her reasoning, you need to listen with an open heart and without interruption. You need to earnestly commit to making improvements in yourself and the relationship if you want to stop a divorce.

After inquiring what her reasoning is for wanting a divorce and clarifying all the things that need to be changed, actions should be taken with one partner’s feelings into consideration. Try to understand your wife arose to make your marriage work.

How to Take Responsibility 

Being astutely aware and mindful of your wording and discussion about divorce is important. If you act impulsively by saying hurtful and spiteful things, you will confirm that your wife is making the right decision to dissolve your marriage. Keep in mind you are trying to stop the wife from divorcing. Remember, your wife has her reasons for wanting a divorce. 

Your words will be necessary to save your relationship with her at this juncture, but your actions are paramount to saving your relationship with her.

Be honest, express your feelings, and tell her that you cannot envision or accept the idea of a future without her. Moreover, be open, emotionally vulnerable, and humble when speaking with your wife.

Depending on the finality and sureness of your former partner or wife’s decision, your wording or conversation may have no positive impact on her desire for resolution. Despite this possibility, please take comfort that you will have no regrets about putting it all out on the line.

It is likely that your wife and family will likely want to power forward and deal with divorce proceedings while you would do virtually anything to stop them. Try all these points below to change the situation with your wife while having an open conversation about real issues.

  • Attempt to engage your wife in a conversation where she talks, and you listen.
  • Be humble in accepting responsibility for your role in the marital discord and explore your wife’s resentments and anger that factored into her decisions.
  • Apologize if it needs to for your past actions or in actions and ask for an opportunity to depict change.
  • Inform your wife about intended actions to bring about change
  • Strengthen yourself so that you can be proud of who you are
  • Most importantly, follow through and be committed to bringing about permanent change in the marriage.
  • Attempt to infuse light-hearted fun into your relationship by asking your wife for a date. When icing, encourage memories of better times to surface.
  • Assist your wife in remembering why she fell in love with you in the first place.
  • Point out that you are still the same man, despite flaws, mistakes, and events after that.

 Can a wife change her mind about divorce even if she has already filed?

Yes, your wife can undoubtedly change her mind. There is always a chance for anyone to shift in another person or direction. Individuals can change their minds at any time by withdrawing their divorce petition or asking the court for a dismissal.

Divorce is a complex, emotionally and financially costly, and arduous process not to be taken lightly. Divorce proceedings are complicated and time-consuming, as individuals need to entertain many important issues like where to file for divorce, eligibility requirements, due process, mediation protocols, and settlement agreements.

The sheer length of the process affords individuals ample opportunity to halt divorce legal separation proceedings if they should experience a change of heart.

Steps to stop your wife from divorcing

A spouse should refrain from making any hasty or impulsive decisions while being confident and sure that they want to proceed with proceedings.

Individuals have multiple opportunities to reconsider their actions during the many phases of the divorce process, thus representing a distinct window of opportunity for persuasive discussions.

Your wife needs to be reconnected with positive memories from the past to remind her why she fell in love with you in the emotional place in the first place. Concurrently, it would benefit you to make personal positive changes, and improvements to validate her concerns and to address the original reasons why she is upset.

If you want to generate create a persuasive and compelling argument to your spouse, children, family or divorce lawyer to convince your family or your wife to change her mind about divorce, consider the following steps.

1. If You have hurt her, concede that 

Your wife is distant, closed off, and harboring a broken heart. At some point along the way, whether you were aware of it at spending time or not, you deeply hurt her.

Cracks may have developed slowly over very long time,, or her entire heart could have shattered instantly. Perhaps you listened but did not truly hear. Maybe it happened because you were inattentive to understanding her requests or too angry or distracted to notice.

Perchance, you put her at the bottom of a long priority list, as she became a distant last to your career, finances, or needs. Or, quite possibly, it happened because you took her for granted.

Hurt is often masked as anger, resentment, or revenge but can also masquerade as indifference or apathy. Over time, hurt can morph into depression, anxiety, or grief.

However the hurt occurred, and whatever its intensity, your wife will guard her heart ferocity to avoid irreparable damage. Despite reflexive reactions to defend yourself, argue, or question the validity of her claims, you must concede that you have hurt her.

Do not attempt to compete or match the person you hurt against the person you hurt, but instead admit and accept that you have intentionally or unintentionally hurt the person or woman you married. It will be necessary to accept this fact to your wife, family, and your conscience humbly.

2. Express Regret

Once you acknowledge the depths of your wife’s wounds and express regret for the role that you have played, an honest, heartfelt apology can go a long way in mending a broken heart. It takes courage to make yourself emotionally vulnerable, to take responsibility for your actions, your own mistakes and to admit your wrongdoings.

3. Enhance communication

Once you have shown remorse, you should be allowed to speak openly about her feelings, experiences, and disappointments.

Allow your wife to talk, cry, scream, talk or vent and tolerate repetition until she feels completely heard. Practice reflective listening and communication by understanding what your wife is saying and then repeating it to verify that you have understood correctly.

Validate her feelings by identifying and acknowledging their importance. Show genuine interest in what your wife says and ask questions to clarify. Maintain open body language and consistent eye contact to show that you are attentive, interested, and paying attention.

Make sure you are not distracted by technology or electronics while she speaks to ensure that your partner’s perspective and sole focus is on her.

Respectfully express viewpoints with “I-statements” instead of “You” statements to articulate thoughts and communicate feelings. Finally, unless you happen to have a crystal ball, do not assume that you know what the person or your partner is thinking and feeling. Instead, verify your suspicions by asking your friend or partner for feedback.

4. Learn New Mechanisms of Coping

It is probable healthy copes with marital issues and discord.

Perhaps you retreated and avoided difficult conversations or disregarded and internalized your feelings. Maybe denial became your primary defense mechanism, or you avoided responsibility by blaming others.

Perhaps you turned to alcohol or drugs to self-medicate and numb your feelings.

It is essential to abandon unhealthy coping mechanisms and equip yourself with healthy coping skills.

Talking about feelings and concerns openly with trusted individuals or professional counselors is more productive than isolating and bottling up emotions.

Releasing anger or anxiety through exercise, yoga, or journaling is preferable to aggression and fighting. It is recommended to walk away and take a break if conversations become overpowering or heated.

Fill your toolbox with many positive coping skills so that you have various ones to choose from in any given situation.

5. Actions speak louder than words


How many times have you heard that actions always speak louder than words? Well, that’s because it’s true! An individual can say the right things or make promises without the intent to follow through. Actions are more meaningful as it takes motivation off your wife’s hurt likely deepened.

Your wife’s hurt likely deepened when your actions did not match your words. Perhaps you frequently said you loved her kids, but your efforts did not match your positive sentiment.

Maybe you promised that you would help more around the house or do things worse take care of her in the way she deserved, only to have disappointed her when nothing changed.

You would be surprised, but some women are so angry and tired that it gets to the desperate point when they want to divorce or separate. So, try to compromise to stop your wife from divorcing.

Over time, your wife probably dismissed your promises and ignored your words, as she knew that they would not be accompanied by action. History has rendered your words and promises useless; thus, you must rely on activities that show you care unquestionably and deeply.

Instead of verbalizing that you love your wife, show her through action. Buy her flowers, take her car to be serviced by the mechanic, or play her favorite board game with you must be sure to communicate and spice your relationship up. You must be consistent and execute all promises to rebuild trust in your word.

6. Focus and Prioritize Your Wife

Maybe your focus never left your wife, but perhaps the lens was blurred. Or, possibly, you lost all focus when your wife temporarily fell out of your vision. The focus must be sharpened and magnified to show your wife that she is the priority. Often, couples fall into comfortable, predictable routines where they take each other for granted.

Things are expected without gratitude, acknowledgment, or appreciation, leading individuals to feel foolish and taken advantage of. Alter this cycle by recognizing your wife’s past and present efforts with sincere gratitude and appreciation.

Make your wife a priority over other responsibilities, and consider how your life would be irreversibly changed if she were not in it. If you do not like what that life looks like, treat your wife as if nothing matters more save your marriage. Show her that you want this marriage to work and you want nothing more than to stop your wife from divorcing. Becathis point, you do not want to lose her.

7. Transform Yourself

Self Improvement Wellness Areas

A healthy relationship, is a two-way street and a relationship is always influenced and impacted by both parties. Although relationships show we never have control over others, we always maintain complete control over the relationship, the person, relationship partners and ourselves.

Standing on the precipice of divorce can be a highly impact and life-changing moment. Your wife is unhappy with what you have or the person you have not become. It is entirely within your control to transform yourself.

If you are unhappy with where you have been and what you have become. It is up to you to change it. Evolve into the man you aspire to be.

Essential Changes to Consider and How to Execute Them

If you do not possess self-love, you cannot expect another to love you. You will attract the love and respect of others when you love and respect yourself. Commit to improving for yourself, your wife, and your marriage’s sake. Try writing a list of things you wrote, and go over them with your wife. Show her all the effort you are trying to put into stopping your wife from divorce. 

What to do When Wife Keeps Changing Her Mind About Divorce

Despite your commitment and effort, your wife may be unable to make a definitive decision and vacillate between divorce and re-commitment to your marriage. Her wild fluctuations may lead you to frustration, helplessness, and despair.

Although you feel good your wife and family deserves the time and space to make the best decision, it is wrong and unfair if she holds you and family in limbo.

Some degree of confusion and uncertainty is expected but becomes unwarranted if it extends for too long. As both poles of her decision will leave you on very different life paths, it is wrong of her to leave you in an extended holding pattern. One day she wants to stay with you. The other day, she wants a divorce. You want to stop a divorce and feel very emotional. Emotional swinging is expected to happen at this stage. Try to remain in the points listed above, so you can stop your wife from divorcing.

If this is the case, understand that you may have to take matters into your own hands to either save your marriage for yourself by making a decision yourself. You will need to decide whether it is worth hinging the rest of your life on her decision or be ready to move forward alone.

Outside Help

If this becomes the case, take solace in that you have undergone a trans formative journey, strengthened and improved yourself, and are equipped with many positive and healthy coping skills for the future.

In case you are not ready to call it quits and feel that the most save your marriage can be saved, consider talking to your wife about delaying formal proceedings until you attend a professional marriage counseling, or, marriage counseling together.

Suppose one spouse or partner is open to the idea of this prospect, ask your other partner or spouse or partner of your wife if she would be willing to attend marital counseling with the other partner or spouse or partner or you.

This would enable family therapist or a mental health professional to address marital issues under family law and deal with difficult and complex family issues as a third party therapist.

A marital counselor or therapist would assist you in processing your past marital problems and discord while helping you develop healthy communication patterns, relationships and coping mechanisms.

You will learn how to repair and save your marriage and how to communicate to stop wife from divorcing your wife and partner from divorcing your partner.

Suppose your wife rebuffs the marriage counselor and states that you have tried marital counseling before to not available. Counselors must have a positive, trusting, therapeutic relationship and rapport with their clients for therapy to be effective.

Perhaps the previous marital counselor and couples counselor just was not the same counselor or right fit. Whatever the case, try to convince your wife in the spirit of “leaving no stone turned.”

It would be worth seeking assistance in couples and marriage counseling from a professional counselor who might turn things to be a better fit.

Simultaneously with couples counseling, individual therapy would help you to heighten awareness, process thoughts, and accept responsibility for your part in marital conflicts and discord between partners.

Regardless of the outcome of the professional counseling or couples counseling alone, individual therapy would provide one partner with a safe and supportive outlet to talk and help you move forward.

If you need help saving your spouse from marriage alone, it is highly recommended to check out the resource. This can help to save your spouse from marriage and stop your wife from divorcing your spouse from marriage alone.

Things to Avoid When You Want to Stop a Divorce

  • Do not assume she is overreacting and take the situation seriously
  •  Do not become defensive
  •  Avoid threats of making your wife suffer for her decision
  •  Do not play the victim
  •  Do not buy expensive gifts to make up for past mistakes
  •  Do not use relatives or friends to talk to her
  •  Do not use children as leverage.

Healthy response option to divorce request

Despite trying to repair the marriage, if your wife is still intent on divorcing you, respectively comply with her wishes. Continue focusing on improving yourself for the future. You had tried all the options to stop your wife from divorcing. Nevertheless, she did not change her mind.

Photo of author

Tracy Smith, LPC, NCC, ACS

Tracy Smith, LPC, NCC, ACS is a Licensed Professional Counselor in New Jersey, a Nationally Certified Counselor, an Approved Clinical Supervisor, and a mental health freelance writer. Tracy has fourteen years of clinical and supervisory experience in a variety of mental health settings and levels of care.

6 thoughts on “How To Stop a Divorce from a Wife”

  1. My wife and I have been seperated now for 51 days after her filing for divorce. She is not communicating about the kids and counseling or how best to move forward with her choice. I have focused on transforming myself for me and our two sons. It feels as though I make positive forward momentum she is just more angry about everything.

    I have not begged or pleaded for her to come back and reconcile, I have only focused conversations on how to assist with moving forward in the divorce.

    I do want her back but am losing hope. My faith, job, home, and time with kids is going well.

    • David,
      My wife filed back in May. It revealed a woman who had felt hurt and ignored for years.

      This is a very good article. Listen to the hurt and anger, if you can. Make slow strong changes. My wife will not speak to me now, so ACTIONS are all I’ve got!

      May God draw near to you, as he has to me, and offer comfort. Peace, Jack

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