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How To Stop a Divorce from a Wife

Like ships passing in the night, you are on opposite schedules. You and your wife cannot recall the last time your wife kissed you and meant it.

Although most people are unhappy with the world and the state of world affairs, they hope you figure hope that things will improve at some point in life.

Your wife approaches you and utters the dreaded “D” word in an emotional amalgam of resolve, fear, and uncertainty.

Incredulously you stare at her as your mind goes numb. Your future flashes before you in segmented movie clips. Fear overcame you like a tidal wave crashing into the shore.

As you try to alleviate panic, your mind starts racing with questions…

What Happens Next?

Did I even realize that she was this unhappy? Do I want a divorce? Is there another option?

Knowing that aspects of this scenario are commonplace and understanding that you are not alone in this life upheaval is essential.

Now, you want to know how to stop a divorce or have married couples reconcile and how to stop a divorce or a wife from divorcing. You want married couples to be careful and learn how to stop a divorce or divorce and do it correctly.

Emotions About the News

This announcement inevitably triggers astonishment and stress as husbands quickly understand the magnitude of their wives’ unhappiness.

At this point in the complex marriage process, many couples and husbands seem to gain temporary access to both 20-20 and hindsight vision. They start believing, fully understanding, appreciating, accepting, and valuing their partners and wives.

Amongst panic, fear, and uncertainty, some angry and desperate divorced husbands will try to save the marriage via a journey down a long road of personal transformation and priority shifting.

Some wives will deem this last-ditch effort as “too little, too late,” while others may be more open-minded with reconsideration. If you happen to be a husband in this scenario, use this action plan to assist you in changing your wife’s mind about wanting a divorce.

Now, let’s get into details about each point on how hard it works to get marriage counseling and how to stop a divorce or your wife from divorcing one partner.

Plan on how to stop divorce and change your wive’s mind

  • Ask for reasoning( this way, you will find out why your wife wants to be separated)
  • Take responsibility for your actions( if you feel it )
  • Inquire as to what changes should be made ( as the opportunity for marriage to be continued)
  •  Admit you have hurt her by listening to her without being confrontational
  • Express Regret by making yourself vulnerable and giving a genuine apology
  •  Improve Communication by allowing your wife to speak openly and give constructive feedback on her concern
  •  Learn healthy coping mechanisms. For example, do not avoid difficult conversations, as they breed resentment
  • Reinforce your commitment to change with actions that convince her of your motivation to change
  • Prioritize your wife above all else
  • Focus on personal development

Possible Reasons Wife Wants a Divorce

  • They are neglected, unloved, or as a distant priority among perceived more significant concerns.
  • Unheard, invalidated, or as if emotional and physical needs are being neglected.

So, first, what can be done to find out what might be the reason why the wife either wants a divorce or the marriage to be over? If your wife desires a divorce, she has likely been unhappy and considering potential options for quite some time.

She probably no longer trusts you or your relationship and has lost faith in the possibility of reconciliation or marital improvement. If you are committed to changing your wife’s, promising to change her mind about wanting a divorce.

You must first understand her reasoning for considering divorce.

Your wife must believe you are genuine in your resolve to enhance and repair the whole save your marriage. Whatever her reasoning, you must listen openly and without interruption. You need to commit to improving yourself and the relationship if you want to stop a divorce.

After inquiring about her reasoning for wanting a divorce, counseling, and talking and clarifying all the things that matter and need to be changed, actions should be taken considering one partner’s feelings. Try to understand your wife arose to make your marriage work.

How to Take Responsibility 

Being astutely aware and mindful of your wording and discussing divorce is essential. If you act impulsively by saying hurtful and spiteful things, you will confirm that your wife is making the right decision to dissolve your marriage. Keep in mind you are trying to stop the wife from divorcing. Remember, your wife has her reasons for wanting a divorce. 

Your words will be necessary to save your relationship with her, but your actions are paramount to keeping and saving your relationship with her.

Be honest, express your feelings, and tell her you cannot envision marriage or accept the idea of a serious marriage, relationship, or future family relationship without her. Moreover, be open, emotionally vulnerable, and humble when speaking with your wife.

Depending on the finality and sureness of the relationship and your former partner or wife’s decision, your wording or conversation may not positively impact her desire for resolution. Despite this possibility, please take comfort that you will have no regrets about putting it all on the line.

Likely, your wife and family will want to power forward and deal with divorce proceedings while you would do virtually anything to stop them. Try all these points below to change the situation with your wife while having an open conversation about real issues.

  • Attempt to engage your wife in a conversation where she talks, and you listen.
  • Be humble in accepting responsibility for your role in the marital discord and explore your wife’s resentments and anger that factored into her decisions.
  • Apologize if it needs to be for your past actions or in actions and ask for an opportunity to depict change.
  • Inform your wife about intended actions to bring about change
  • Strengthen yourself so that you can be proud of who you are
  • Most importantly, follow through and commit to a permanent change in the marriage.
  • Attempt to infuse light-hearted fun into your relationship by asking your wife for a date. When icing, encourage memories of better times to surface.
  • Assist your wife in remembering why she fell in love with you in the first place.
  • You are still the same man, despite flaws, mistakes, and events after that.

 Can a Wife Change Her Mind About Divorce Even if She Has Already Filed?

Yes, your divorced wife can undoubtedly change her mind. There is always a chance for anyone to shift in a relationship to another person or direction. Divorced Individuals can change their minds anytime by withdrawing their name, stopping a divorce petition, or asking the court to dismiss the divorce.

Divorce is Complex

Divorce is a complex, emotionally and financially costly, and arduous process not to be taken lightly. Divorce proceedings are complicated and time-consuming, as individuals need to entertain many important issues like where to file for divorce, eligibility requirements, due process, mediation protocols, and settlement agreements.

The sheer length of the process affords individuals ample opportunity to halt divorce legal separation proceedings if they should experience a change of heart.

Steps to Stop Your Wife from Divorcing

A spouse should refrain from making any hasty or impulsive decisions while being confident and sure that they want to proceed with proceedings.

Individuals have multiple opportunities to reconsider their actions during the many phases of the divorce process, thus representing a distinct window of opportunity for persuasive discussions.

Your wife needs to be reconnected with positive memories from the past to remind her why she fell in love with you in the emotional place in the first place. Concurrently, it would benefit you to make personal positive changes and improvements to validate her concerns and address the reasons she is upset.

If you want to generate a persuasive and compelling argument to your spouse, children, family, or divorce lawyer to convince your spouse, family, or wife to change her mind about divorce, consider the following steps.

1. If You have Hurt her, Concede that 

Your wife is distant, closed off, and harboring a broken heart. At some point along the way, whether you were aware of it at spending time or not, you deeply hurt her.

Cracks may have developed slowly, or her entire heart could have shattered instantly. Perhaps you listened but did not truly hear. Maybe it happened because you were inattentive to understanding her requests or too angry or distracted to notice.

Perchance, you put her at the bottom of a long priority list, as she became a distant last to your career, finances, happiness, or needs. Or, quite possibly, it happened because you took her for granted.

Hurt is often masked as anger, resentment, or revenge but can also masquerade as indifference or apathy. Over time, hurt can morph into depression, anxiety, or grief.

However the hurt occurred, and whatever its intensity, your wife will guard her heart ferocity to avoid irreparable damage. Despite reflexive reactions to defend yourself, argue, or question the validity of her claims, you must concede that you have hurt her.

Do not attempt to compete or match the person you hurt against the person you hurt, but instead, admit and accept that you have intentionally or unintentionally hurt the person or woman you married. It would be best to humbly get this fact to your wife, family, and conscience.

2. Express Regret

Once you acknowledge the depths of your wife’s wounds and express Regret for your role, an honest, heartfelt apology can go a long way in mending a broken heart. It takes courage to make yourself emotionally vulnerable, take responsibility for your actions and mistakes afterward, and admit your wrongdoings.

3. Enhance Communication

Once you have shown remorse, you should be allowed to speak openly about her feelings, experiences, and disappointments.

Allow your wife to talk, cry, scream, or vent and tolerate repetition until she feels heard. Practice reflective listening and Communication by understanding what your wife is saying and repeating it to verify that you have understood correctly.

Validate her feelings by identifying and acknowledging their importance. Show genuine interest in what your wife says and ask questions to clarify. Maintain open body language and consistent eye contact to show you are attentive, interested, and paying.

Ensure you are not distracted by technology or electronics while she speaks to ensure your partner’s perspective and sole focus is on her.

Respectfully express viewpoints with “I-statements” instead of “You” statements to articulate thoughts and communicate feelings. Finally, unless you have a crystal ball, do not assume you know what the person or your partner thinks and feels. Instead, verify your suspicions by asking your friend, spouse, or partner for feedback.

4. Learn New Mechanisms of Coping

It is probable many married couples and married couples who are healthy copes with marital issues and discord.

Perhaps you retreated and avoided difficult conversations or disregarded and internalized your feelings. Maybe denial became your primary defense mechanism, or you avoided responsibility by blaming others.

Perhaps you turned to alcohol or drugs to self-medicate and numb your feelings.

It is essential to abandon unhealthy coping mechanisms and equip children and yourself with healthy coping skills.

Talking about feelings and concerns openly with trusted individuals or professional counselors is more productive than isolating and bottling emotions.

Releasing anger or anxiety through exercise, yoga, or journaling is preferable to aggression and fighting. Walking away and taking a break is recommended if conversations become overpowering or heated.

Fill your toolbox with many positive coping skills so that you have various ones to choose from in any given moment or situation.

5. Actions speak louder than words


How many times have you heard that actions always speak louder than words? Well, that’s because it’s true! Individuals, friends, or family can say the right things or make promises without intending to follow through. Actions are more meaningful as it takes motivation off your wife’s hurt likely deepened.

Your wife’s hurt likely deepened when your actions did not match your words. Perhaps you frequently said you loved her kids, but your efforts did not match your positive sentiment.

Maybe you promised that you would help more around the house or do things worse, take care of her in the way she deserved, only to have disappointed her when nothing changed.

You would be surprised how many married couples do, but some women are so angry and tired that it gets to the desperate point when they want to divorce or have family law separate. So, try to compromise to stop your wife from divorcing.

Over time, your wife probably dismissed your promises and ignored your words, as she knew that they would not be accompanied by action. History has rendered your words and promises useless; thus, you must rely on activities that show you care unquestionably and deeply.

Instead of verbalizing that you love your partner or wife, show her through action. Buy her flowers, take her car to be serviced by the mechanic, or play her favorite board game with you must be sure to communicate and spice your relationship up. You must consistently execute all promises to your spouse, friend, or partner and rebuild trust in your word.

6. Focus and Prioritize Your Wife

Maybe your focus never left your wife, but the lens was blurred. Or, possibly, you lost all focus when your wife temporarily fell out of your vision.

The focus must be sharpened and magnified to show your wife she is the priority. Often, married couples fall into comfortable, predictable routines where they take each other’s company for granted.

Things are expected without gratitude, acknowledgment, or appreciation, leading individuals to feel foolish and taken advantage of. Alter this cycle by recognizing your wife’s past and present efforts with sincere gratitude and appreciation.

Make your wife a priority over other responsibilities, and consider how your family and life would be irreversibly changed if she were not in it.

If you do not like what that life looks like, treat your wife as if nothing matters more save your marriage. Show her that you matter, want this marriage to work, and want nothing more than to stop your husband and wife from divorcing. Because, at this point, you do not want to lose her.

7. Transform Yourself

Self Improvement Wellness Areas

A healthy relationship of happiness is a two-way street, and a relationship of joy is constantly influenced and impacted by both parties. Although relationships show we never have control over others, we always maintain complete control over the relationship, the person, the relationship partners, and ourselves.

Standing on the precipice of divorce can be a high-impact and life-changing moment. Your wife is unhappy with what you have or the person you have not become. It is entirely within your control to transform yourself.

If you are unhappy with where you have been and what you have become. It is up to you to change it. Evolve into the man you aspire to be.

Essential Changes to Consider and How to Execute Them

If you do not possess self-love, you cannot expect another to love you. You will attract the love and respect of others when you love and respect yourself. Commit to improving for yourself, your wife, and your marriage’s sake. Try writing a list of things you wrote, and review them with your wife. Show her all the effort you put into stopping your wife from divorcing. 

What to do When Wife Keeps Changing Her Mind About Divorce

Despite your commitment and effort, your wife may be unable to make a definitive decision and vacillate between divorce and re-commitment to your marriage. Her wild fluctuations may lead you to frustration, helplessness, and despair.

Although you feel good your wife and family deserve the time and space to make the best decision, it is wrong and unfair if she holds you and your family in limbo.

Some degree of confusion and uncertainty is expected but becomes unwarranted if it extends for too long. As both poles of her decision will leave you on very different life paths, it is wrong of her to leave you in an extended holding pattern.

One day she wants to stay married to you. The other day, she wanted a divorce. You want to stop divorce and feel very emotional. Emotional swinging is expected to happen at this stage to stop a divorce. Try to remain in the points listed above, so you can see how to stop divorce and your partner or wife from divorcing.

If this is the case, understand that you may have to take matters into your own hands to either save your marriage for yourself by making a decision yourself. You must decide whether it is worth hinging the rest of your life on her decision or be ready to move forward alone.

Outside Help

If this becomes the case, take solace in that you have undergone a transformative journey, strengthened and improved yourself, and are equipped with many positive and healthy coping skills for the future.

If you are not ready to call it quits and feel that marriage counseling is the safest your marriage can be saved, consider talking to your wife about seeking counseling and delaying formal divorce proceedings until you attend professional marriage counseling or marriage family therapy.

Suppose one partner or spouse or partner is open to the idea of counseling; this seeks counseling prospect; ask your other partner or spouse or partner of your wife or spouse or partner if she would be willing to attend marital counseling with the other partner or spouse or partner or you.

This would enable a couples counselor, former family therapist, family law therapist, social worker, or mental health professional to address marital issues under family law and deal with difficult and complex family law issues as a third-party therapist.

A marital counselor or family therapist would assist you in processing your past matrimonial, marital problems, and discord while helping you develop healthy communication patterns, relationships, and coping mechanisms.

You will learn how to repair and save your marriage and how to communicate and stop a divorce, your wife from divorcing your wife, and your partner from divorcing your partner.

Suppose your wife rebuffs the marriage counselor and states that you have tried marital counseling before to not available. Counselors must have a positive, trusting, therapeutic relationship and rapport with their clients for therapy to be effective.

Perhaps the previous marital and couples counselors were not the same or the best marriage counselor, no marriage counseling counselor, or the right fit. Whatever the case, try to convince your wife in the spirit of “leaving no stone turned.”

It would be worth seeking assistance in couples and marriage counseling from the best marriage counselor or a professional counselor who might make things a better fit.

Simultaneously with couples counseling, individual therapy would help you heighten awareness, process thoughts, and accept responsibility for your part in marital conflicts and discord between partners.

Regardless of the outcome of professional counseling or whether many couples are counseling alone, individual therapy would provide one partner with a safe and supportive outlet to talk and help you move forward.

If you need to help to save your family law spouse from marriage and divorce alone, it is highly recommended to check out the resource. This can help to keep your spouse from marriage and divorce papers and stop your husband or wife from divorcing, saving your spouse from marriage and divorce alone.

Things to Avoid When You Want to Stop a Divorce

  • Do not assume she is overreacting and take the situation seriously
  •  Do not become defensive
  •  Avoid threats of making your wife suffer for her decision
  •  Do not play the victim
  •  Do not buy expensive gifts to make up for past mistakes
  •  Do not use relatives or friends to talk to her
  •  Do not use children as leverage.

Healthy Response Option to Divorce Request

Despite trying to repair the marriage, if your wife is still intent on divorcing you, respectively comply with her wishes. Continue focusing on marriage work and improving yourself for your happiness in the future.

You had tried all the options to stop your wife from divorcing. Nevertheless, she did not change her mind.

Photo of author

Tracy Smith, LPC, NCC, ACS

Tracy Smith, LPC, NCC, ACS is a Licensed Professional Counselor in New Jersey, a Nationally Certified Counselor, an Approved Clinical Supervisor, and a mental health freelance writer. Tracy has fourteen years of clinical and supervisory experience in a variety of mental health settings and levels of care.

6 thoughts on “How To Stop a Divorce from a Wife”

  1. My wife and I have been seperated now for 51 days after her filing for divorce. She is not communicating about the kids and counseling or how best to move forward with her choice. I have focused on transforming myself for me and our two sons. It feels as though I make positive forward momentum she is just more angry about everything.

    I have not begged or pleaded for her to come back and reconcile, I have only focused conversations on how to assist with moving forward in the divorce.

    I do want her back but am losing hope. My faith, job, home, and time with kids is going well.

    • David,
      My wife filed back in May. It revealed a woman who had felt hurt and ignored for years.

      This is a very good article. Listen to the hurt and anger, if you can. Make slow strong changes. My wife will not speak to me now, so ACTIONS are all I’ve got!

      May God draw near to you, as he has to me, and offer comfort. Peace, Jack

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