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How to tell if your partner is toxic

How to tell if your partner is toxic? Healthy relationships are characterized by mutual understanding and support. Although you might disagree with your significant other from time to time, things seem to always work out. Unlike a one-sided relationship, couples in a healthy affair make decisions together. They also discuss problems openly whenever they arise, plus they enjoy being around each other.

On the other hand, a toxic relationship always makes you feel drained. When you date a toxic person, you’ll often feel unhappy whenever you’re in their company. It doesn’t matter whether you still love your partner, staying with them makes you feel trapped and you always find it hard to break free.

That said, here are telltale signs that indicate your significant other is not worthwhile.

1. Lack of support

You can identify toxicity in your relationship when there’s no support. A good relationship is characterized by mutual respect and a desire to see your better half succeed in all their endeavors. Succinctly, a healthy affair doesn’t have unhealthy competition.

However, when there’s toxicity, your partner will always criticize everything you try to accomplish. Nothing they do or say feels positive, and they never show up for you.

You can identify when your partner doesn’t support you if they always discourage you. They crush your self-worth by kicking your interests and needs to the curb. They only care about their own feelings and what works for them.

2. Your partner always finds something wrong with you

You could also identify toxicity when you notice that your significant other always finds something wrong with you. They’re never appreciative and always come up with suggestions on what you need to change.

Additionally, they never support your dreams, hobbies, and interests. Instead, they always refer to them as stupid and lame.

3. Poor communication

Communication is vital in every relationship. It helps create healthy bonds between partners. If you’re entangled in a relationship where there’s poor communication, that’s an indication that something is wrong. Communication defines the bar between a healthy and unhealthy relationship.

That means that your conversations should be filled with mutual respect and kindness. If your conversations revolve around criticism and sarcasm, there’s a high likelihood you’re in an abusive relationship. Poor communication is often one of the highest causes of divorce. You don’t want to stay with a person who keeps making every conversation hostile and passive-aggressive.

4. Your partner lowers your self-esteem

Sometimes, your significant other may make hurtful remarks, which leave you feeling bad about yourself. If they make it a habit, that’s a clear indication of toxicity because these statements may strip away your self-esteem.

Some of the comments that accentuate this include:

  • Why do you always smell like that?
  • I don’t like your hair
  • I don’t enjoy your cooking

Ultimately, these comments will make you feel bad about yourself, filling you with self-doubt.

5. They’re envious

Yes, humans are envious from time to time. But if your partner is always envious of everything you do, your friends and family, or even your job, those are certified red flags. When your partner is constantly envious of you, they’ll always criticize your successes. In the long run, their envy will affect you negatively.

That notwithstanding, a jealous partner is someone you need to keep away from. They’re often trouble. A jealous partner will always be suspicious of you and have plenty of trust issues. They never want you to go anywhere, even with your friends, and constantly want to check your phone. Such characteristics eventually erode your relationship.

6. Controlling behaviors

A controlling partner is not a healthy one. Such a person will always want you to respond to text messages instantly, even when you’re at work. They will always get mad when you don’t reply immediately, and will not understand that you were busy or driving.

A person with controlling behavior will hardly give you your personal space. They want to know where you are at all times, and might even stalk you. Such behaviors are red flags, which indicate that you’re in an abusive relationship. Often, a controlling partner does this because of envy or jealousy.

7. Too many lies

A partner who’s constantly lying and cheating is dangerous to love. Lies eliminate any trust you had in them, and once it’s gone, they can never get it back. If you’re dating or married to a liar, there’s a high likelihood they’ll never convince you even when they speak the truth.

Such behavior patterns may even convert you into something else. You may become jealous, insecure, and suspicious. Their behavior may also affect your confidence because of the toxicity that comes with the lies. Before things get worse, it’s always advisable for you to seek a way out before things turn from bad to worse.

8. They make you feel insecure

It would be best to feel confident with your partner when you’re in a relationship. You need to know that they’ll protect you and you’ll always feel safe with them. However, if this isn’t the case, it means you’re insecure, indicating that there’s too much toxicity in your relationship.

9. Resentment

If you feel a lot of resentment towards your partner, then there’s a high likelihood you’re in a bad relationship. The resentment may arise because your partner keeps frustrating you. When they do this repeatedly, you’ll end up holding grudges, which will eventually blow up.

You will often find yourself bottling these feelings because you don’t feel safe around your partner. And failing to speak up might eventually compromise your mental health.

10. Infringement of privacy

You should be trusted unless you’ve done something to your partner that you shouldn’t have, like, say, forgetting you had one on “Singles Thursday.” Everyone deserves a certain amount of privacy, and people in healthy relationships can be confident that they won’t be abused. If your partner is constantly looking through your phone bills, text messages, and receipts, this demonstrates an unhealthy level of control. It isn’t very comfortable. As an adult, you don’t require ongoing supervision.

11. Negative financial behaviors

A degree of agreement about how you’ll spend or save money is typically required when you share your finances with a partner. Nevertheless, it’s not always bad if one partner decides to spend money on things the other partner disapproves of.

However, it can be problematic if you and your partner have made financial agreements and one partner consistently violates those agreements, whether by making expensive purchases or making large cash withdrawals. They shouldn’t just pay an unnecessary fee for something unnecessary.

12. Your friends and family are concerned

Although this is not the most straightforward indicator of toxicity. It plays a significant role. Sometimes, your friends or a family member may not like your partner, and they may speak ill of them. However, some exceptions indicate your significant other is troubling.

You may identify that your partner is problematic when the people close to you start asking why you’re being treated in a harmful manner. They’re more likely to notice when your partner condescendingly talks to you. And it’s up to you to use your instincts to determine if they’re right.

13. You don’t feel like yourself when with them

When you are in a relationship with someone, they need to appreciate and love you for you. Relationships are about making compromises because everyone has a unique personality. However, if you have to fake it or hardly feel like yourself when you’re around your partner, there’s a problem.

Sticking around such a person makes you compromise on self-care because they often put you through emotional abuse. Your partner should know you; so if they say or do things that indicate they barely know you, they’re most likely not an ideal match.

14. They constantly forget essential events in your life

When you date someone for a couple of years, they are expected to know important dates in your life. This could be your birthday, graduation, or anniversary. Human is to error, so, forgetting once in a while is acceptable.

However, if your partner barely keeps track of such events, they don’t care about you. It shows they don’t care about anything going on in your life, and they’re not supportive. Usually, these are the kind of partners that will consistently ask you for favors and always expect you always to show up.

15. Comparing you with your friends

A supportive partner needs to hold you down and even defend you in certain situations. However, if yours compares you to your friends, that’s a toxic person. When your partner does this regularly, they might be interested in your friends and act like that to push you away. A great partner would instead talk to you and tell you some bad behaviors they don’t like and help you work on changing them.

16. They blame others for their problems

It can be a big sign of unhealthy behavior if your partner constantly places the blame for problems on someone else, whether it’s you, their boss, their mother, or their trainer. Owning your emotions and addressing them head-on rather than blaming others is a necessary component of being in a healthy relationship of any kind.

17. They’re violent

Domestic violence is an indicator that your partner is unfit. Gender-based violence often leads to emotional abuse, and in the worst cases, death. Your partner is meant to love and protect you. Therefore, anyone who lays their hands on you undermines your self-worth. You should immediately leave such a relationship and report them at the nearest police station.

18. You’re constantly stressed

Of course, everyday life challenges like a family member’s illness or a job loss can cause tension in your relationship. But being on edge all the time, even when no external stressors are present, is a telltale sign that something is wrong.

Your physical and mental health may suffer due to this ongoing stress, and you may frequently feel miserable, physically and mentally exhausted, or otherwise ill. Whenever you’re in a relationship, you must always feel comfortable. If your partner makes you anxious every time, that’s a significant issue, and it’s best to leave such a relationship.

Is my partner toxic?

Sometimes simple miscommunication might leave you with signs showing your partner is toxic. Do not jump to conclusions until you had tried to communicate with your partner. As it plays a significant role in any relationship.

We are all different; therefore, one should not guess what another person has on their mind. Therefore, try to be open about your thoughts and feelings.

Once again, still, it might not be the case. You may want to see a counselor to prove your opinion.


Relationships are meant to be happy places for couples. However, some people end up in unhealthy relationships, which adversely affects them and their mental health. This post has reviewed some of the red flags for your partner, including lack of support and poor communication.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs) about Toxic Partner

1. How do you know if your partner is toxic?

You can establish that your partner is toxic if they don’t respect you, communicate poorly, doesn’t value your opinions, and are violent toward you.

2. What is a toxic partner like?

They only care about themselves or have very low empathy if any at all. They also lie. A partner might be verbally or physically abusive and act as if relationships are one-sided.

3. What are the 5 signs of an unhealthy relationship?

Such a relationship is characterized by:

  • Dishonesty
  • Disrespect
  • There’s a lot of intimidation
  • There’s an infringement of privacy
  • Compromises self-care

4. What’s considered poisonous in a relationship?

Disturbing behavior patterns include selfishness, lack of care for others, controlling tendencies, and jealousy and envy.

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Lana Smith

I am a relationship coach. My passion is helping couples make their relationships work. I earned my bachelor's degree and hold a Master of Science in Education. I take my inspiration from watching and listening to people every day. . I do extensive research and love to compare the opinions of experts to help form my own. I have spent years learning about the dynamics of relationships and what makes them work. My goal is to apply what I have learned in the classroom and through experience to help others.