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10 Foolproof Steps to Win Your Husband Back Fast When All Else Fails

If you’re a runner and you enjoy competing, there are many races that you can participate in. There are sprints, 5k and 10k races, trail and cross-country racing, triathlons, half-marathons, and full marathons. 

The main commonality that these races share is that they all require a significant amount of dedication and training, and they all have a starting point and a finish line

In contrast, these races deviate widely regarding length and mileage, levels of difficulty, and strategies necessary to win. 

Races can be a useful metaphor while considering more complex topics, such as marriage and relationships. If marriage could be likened to any race, it would most likely be represented best by a marathon

A marathon is 26.2 miles long and the proverbial holy grail to most runners. A marathon requires endurance, preparation, motivation, and pure grit.

Runners must train long and hard for a marathon, as this is not an event that you can figure out as you go along. 

A runner must be consistent and pace themselves to have enough strength and stamina to complete the race. 

One may wonder why any person would put themselves through such an arduous ordeal. 

Despite the labor, emotional commitment, and physical endurance that a marathon requires, the pride and accomplishment that one experiences upon completion are like nothing else.   

Like a marathon, marriage is a long-distance event that occurs over an extended period of time. 

Whereas marathons are measured through mile markers, marriage can be measured through life experiences, lessons learned, and chronological time. 

Similar to a marathon, individuals must be invested and motivated upon entering into a marriage. It is difficult, and it can be emotionally and physically exhausting.

Not every runner in a marathon will finish the race. Some will inevitably drop out from fatigue and exhaustion. Similarly, not every couple will make it “till death do we part,” despite their best intentions.

Marathons and marriage both require steady pacing. Despite all of their challenges and trouble, they’re both unparalleled and rewarding achievements.

Interestingly enough, individuals with successful marriages are rarely thought of as “winners.” They are, indeed, victors in winning and retaining their spouses’ hearts. 

Similar to the length and terrain of a race, love and matters of the heart can be a murky battlefield. There are clear winners and losers, especially when two women are fiercely competing for the heart of one man. 

In an ideal world, a wife would only have to win her husband’s heart once. In the less-than-perfect world that we live in, it’s more likely that she will need to continually work to retain her husband’s love and affection.

Many challenges, obstacles, and distractions may contribute to a woman losing her husband’s heart. A woman may lose her husband to another woman, his job, his friends, or his family. 

A wife could also lose her husband to physical or mental illness, substance abuse, or himself if he is risk-taking and self-destructive. 

Regardless of the circumstance, there are several tips to help you to win your husband back.  

Step #1: Invest in Him and in Your Relationship

Husbands aren’t the only guilty parties when it comes to workaholics! If your marriage is struggling, prioritize spending more time with your husband – and fewer late nights at the office.

Despite the specific circumstance, the one contributing factor to losing a man’s heart is always related to a lack of attention and investment in him and your relationship. 

Sometimes, women become complacent and distracted by the numerous tasks and responsibilities that require their attention. 

Over time, women may either knowingly or inadvertently pay less attention to their husbands and their needs. 

Husbands may begin to feel unwanted or neglected when their wives spend more time with their children, co-workers, or friends than they do with them. 

Think of your marriage as an investment; the more effort you put into it, the more you will get out of it.

Similar to any financial investment, you will need to pay close attention to your marriage and add to it to foster its growth.   

Step #2: Increase Intimacy

Lack of intimacy is almost always linked to decreased marital satisfaction and problems within a relationship. Intimacy is divided into physical, emotional, and sexual categories.

Physical intimacy is shown through any form of physical touch, such as hand-holding, hugging, or snuggling

Emotional intimacy occurs when spouses connect on a purely emotional level. This means that both partners are in tune with each other’s thoughts, feelings, and emotions

Sexual intimacy is achieved with passion and through forms of sexual intercourse

If one or multiple forms of intimacy are missing from your marriage, you will need to make a concerted effort to incorporate it back into your relationship

Depending on the type of difficulty you encounter in your relationship, you may need to assess your partner’s and your comfort level. Begin at an appropriate starting point that feels right for both of you.

Step #3: Improve Communication

Carve opportunities for open communication and quality time into your schedules.

A breakdown in communication always spells trouble for a relationship. When communication is little or non-existent, spouses become out of sync by wandering off onto different pages. 

Couples no longer share either the mundane or the important details of their day. They refrain from sharing their fears or aspirations, and they’re no longer privy to their partner’s day-to-day activities. 

If one partner is upset or angry, their spouse may not understand the cause of their anger, let alone even realize it. 

To win your husband back, you must increase communication by spending time together, sharing your thoughts, fears, wishes, and dreams, and listening to what each other has to say. 

Ultimately, you need to get back onto the same page.

Step #4: Show Respect

Sometimes, a woman will lose her husband due to an overall lack of respect. Spouses can be cruel at times, or even downright degrading towards their partner. 

Wives may reference their husbands with derogatory names, speak to them aggressively or passive-aggressively, or continuously put them down while diminishing their honest efforts. 

A lack of respect can contribute to an uneven power differential in a relationship and erode self-esteem and self-worth. 

Respect should be at the very core of any relationship, but especially in a marriage. 

Make sure to always show your husband that he is valued and loved by giving him the respect he deserves.

Step #5: Confront Problems

If you’re working through complex issues, professional counseling may be your best chance. Be there for your husband and help him work through any problems, whether or not you caused them.

If a wife is in jeopardy of losing her husband, there are likely several inherent problems in the marriage

Problems arise and are often perpetuated when they’re either not addressed or blatantly ignored. 

Sometimes, couples refuse to admit that there is a problem, while others tend to merely avoid them. At times, one partner would like to work on the problems, while the other spouse isn’t interested. 

Most of the time, if both partners are willing, problems can be addressed during a quiet minute in the comfort of their own home. 

However, some problems are more complex and multi-faceted and thus, may require some level of professional intervention. 

If you have lost your husband to infidelity, substance abuse, mental illness, or another complex issue, professional counseling would be recommended to help you and your spouse learn how to cope and overcome the issues you are facing.

Step #6: Accept Responsibility for Your Actions

When conflict arises, one must accept responsibility for their actions. 

When a wife evades responsibility by blaming her husband or attributing things to external forces, it can make a man feel powerless or like things will never change. 

Being humble, apologizing, and taking responsibility for your part in conflict are absolutely critical to your individual growth and the growth of the marriage. 

As the expression goes, “it takes two to tango.” 

It also takes two to fight and two to engage or escalate a conflict. 

Taking responsibility for the role that you have played in your past and current conflicts will go a long way in winning your husband back.

Step #7: Invest in Yourself

You will never be able to care for anyone else if you don’t care for yourself first. When you make yourself a priority, you have more energy to nurture other relationships.

Although this may seem counterintuitive, in addition to investing in your husband, you must also invest in yourself. 

Make sure that you’re engaging in appropriate levels and amounts of self-care and paying attention to your own needs. You cannot expect anyone else to love you if you do not love yourself. 

Additionally, you will never be able to care for anyone else if you do not care for yourself first. If you have neglected yourself and your own needs, you may have developed anger and resentment towards your husband. 

If you have low self-esteem, low self-worth, or do not value yourself, your husband will likely not value you either. 

You should always demand respect from others, in addition to demanding it from yourself. If you see value in yourself, your husband will start to see the value in you as well.      

Step #8: Stop Dwelling on the Past

Some wives lose their husbands because they cannot let things go or don’t know how to. They tend to dwell on events from the past, harbor resentment, and, as a result, are unable to move forward

Perhaps they inappropriately bring up issues from the past during disagreements or use past indiscretions against their husbands. 

When women remain stuck in one place, they incapacitate themselves to release the baggage that they’re holding onto. 

If you’re able to work through and process your hurt and anger, stop punishing your husband with the past, and practice forgiveness, you’ll be one step closer to winning him back.

Step #9: Increase Quality Time

In the modern era of technology, screens, and constant distractions, it can be hard to truly connect. Try to spend time with each other in the great outdoors, or just set your phone down for a few hours!

Spouses often spend time together without really spending time together.

One is on their phone scrolling through social media, while the other is on their computer trying to meet a deadline. 

Sometimes this will happen while spouses are at the same dinner table or in bed together! At other times, one spouse will be playing video games while the other spouse is trying to talk to them. 

When one person is not giving their partner their full attention, it makes the other partner feel unimportant. It sends the message that your partner doesn’t care about what you have to say. 

In this highly technological and distracted age that we live in, it’s easy to spend ‘time’ together without spending quality time together. 

It’s increasingly important to spend time with your husband by putting the electronics away and focusing your attention solely on him. 

Increased quality time will bolster positive feelings and connectedness, putting you one step closer to winning your husband’s heart and affection back.

Step #10: Show Appreciation

An established behavioral principle is that individuals thrive from positive reinforcement. Human beings have an innate need to feel needed and appreciated

Over time, spouses tend to take each other for granted and expect their partner to take out the garbage, do the laundry, or cook dinner.

When humans feel unappreciated and unnoticed, they often become angry, hurt, and irritated. They may even stop engaging in these behaviors, which can be the catalyst for new problems. 

One way to win your husband back is to always show appreciation by thanking him for his efforts, especially when he goes out of his way for you and your family.

Wrapping Up

Like marathons, marriage requires endurance, commitment, and practice. As long as you don’t give up, there’s always a chance of “winning the race” (and winning your husband back).

Marathons and marriages are both representatives of a great challenge for those who partake in them. 

To be successful in either venture, a person must endure, practice, and pace themselves to make it to the end. 

In both races and relationships, shortcuts, sprinting, and cheating will never get you to the finish line.  

As runners make mistakes and learn from them during training, couples must also make and learn from their mistakes during the course of their relationships.

Sometimes, it takes people a long time to identify and learn from their mistakes. During this time, some may even put their marriage in jeopardy without even realizing it. 

Should this occur, a woman may find herself losing her husband, thus propelling her right back into love’s murky battlefield.   

If you’ve made your share of mistakes and lost your husband in the process, do not despair. Whatever the circumstances, there’s still time to use these tips to learn and grow, both as an individual and as a couple. 

Try to have confidence in yourself and your relationship and remember that life and marriage are a marathon and not a sprintSlow and steady is the only way to win the race.

Photo of author

Tracy Smith, LPC, NCC, ACS

Tracy Smith, LPC, NCC, ACS is a Licensed Professional Counselor in New Jersey, a Nationally Certified Counselor, an Approved Clinical Supervisor, and a mental health freelance writer. Tracy has fourteen years of clinical and supervisory experience in a variety of mental health settings and levels of care.

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