Do you miss feeling wanted by your wife?
Has she told you she is no longer in love with you?
Over time, life stressors, difficult times, and other challenges can lead to a breakdown in your relationship – you might not even realize things have changed until your wife tells you it’s over.
Even if things seem hopeless, you don’t have to stand by and watch your marriage collapse – nor do you have to settle for a one-sided relationship.
You want your wife to love you again, and there are steps you can take to make this happen.
Your wife might have expressed she has no feelings for you and no longer wants to be with you.
If you commit to the required time and effort, it’s possible to make your marriage work and cultivate a deep and lasting love.
Why Would Your Wife Fall out of Love With You?
Over time, external stress can erode a marriage.
Pressure from raising children, balancing careers and household responsibilities, coping with financial problems, caring for aging parents, and dealing with numerous other issues can complicate what was once a fun and loving relationship.
Both of you are probably affected, but you might react differently or cope in ways that have damaged your relationship.
One key reason why people fall out of love is they don’t feel appreciated, respected, or valued in their relationship.
If your wife no longer feels important or loved, her feelings for you might have faded.
Many couples also have communication problems, leading to fighting, disharmony, and general irritation with each other.
Can you relate?
What happened in your marriage?
Maybe you have resorted to begging, making promises, or defending your position. You’ve probably realized this does NOT work.
If you continue this way of behaving, your wife might ask for more space and distance herself even more.
Can Your Wife Fall in Love With You Again?
As you’re probably already aware, convincing and begging won’t convince your wife to love you again.
The key is to attract her without forcing things. Of course, there is no guarantee and, every relationship is unique.
So, what can you do?
1. Sharpen Your Communication Skills
Communication is everything in relationships!
If you can successfully resolve arguments, problem-solve, deal with household issues, and manage child-rearing, you probably wouldn’t be reading this article.
Though it might seem obvious, actively working on your communication skills is the #1 thing you can do to work on your marriage.
Good Communication Involves:
- being genuinely interested in what your wife has to say
- listening well
- using “I” statements and avoiding blaming, shaming, or arguing
- avoiding withdrawing, complaining, or getting defensive
- remaining emotionally engaged and connected
- being aware of your body language and maintaining eye contact
- telling your wife what you need directly, clearly, and respectfully
- looking for points of agreement with her and focusing on feeling words.
- validating her feelings by saying something like, “I understand why things feel hopeless right now,” or “I hear you and, I agree. You have great reasons to distrust me.”
2. Be Affectionate Without Expecting Sex
Increasing intimacy and romance without expecting sex will result in your wife being more likely to be sexually interested in you again.
If you expect sex every time you touch her, she will be less likely to look forward to sex.
Instead, intentionally touch her, show her affection, and keep things unpredictable.
You might give her a massage or hug her and gaze into her eyes for a few seconds. Tell her she’s sexy and beautiful.
If you turn her on without expecting sex, excitement will build.
3. Keep It Light
Make your wife laugh and smile, and focus on keeping things lighthearted.
One of the easiest ways to do this is to smile, laugh, and approach life in a more lighthearted way, too!
When you get irritated or frustrated with your wife, maintain a sense of humor and keep the big picture in mind.
If you always take things too seriously, your wife may feel invalidated, criticized, or belittled.
Look at the humorous side of things and let go of minor disagreements that might otherwise turn into full-blown arguments.
4. Set Goals Together
Does your marriage have a purpose?
When you team up with your wife to create mutually beneficial and enjoyable activities, you can work together to strengthen your bond.
Maybe you’ve achieved many of the goals you set together early in your marriage.
You might have raised children, attended their events and activities, and worked hard to save for retirement. But now, you both might feel restless because you have achieved many of the things you set out to do early on.
Maybe your relationship no longer has a purpose – so it’s time to set big, fulfilling goals together.
You might each have individual goals, but it’s also essential to set mutually beneficial goals to keep the excitement and sense of adventure alive.
5. Explore New Things and Go on Adventures Together
Doing new things together can revive the spark you have lost. Dine at a new restaurant or plan a trip to another country.
6. Embrace Your Masculinity
In short, be a man. It’s OK to be emotionally vulnerable sometimes, but it’s desirable when you securely deal with problems by focusing on solutions.
Stick to your word, follow through on your promises, and remain in integrity.
Tips for Embracing Your Masculinity:
- It’s not up to your wife to manage your life.
- Strengthen your own identity and get a life outside of your marriage.
- Love your wife without needing your wife.
- Work on building your emotional strength and love your wife with or without her reassurance.
- Don’t complain and whine if your wife doesn’t validate and compliment you.
- Regardless of what your wife says or does, remain emotionally stable and bring everything back to laughter and love.
- Believe in the love you share – no matter the challenges you face together.
- Be the man she can rely on no matter what happens.
- Make her feel protected, special, valued, and appreciated.
- Reassure your wife by making her feel emotionally safe and hopeful about the future.
- Always be a gentleman.
- Tell your wife how you feel about her. Frequently express your love and appreciation for her.
7. Treat Her Like a Woman
Instead of expecting your wife to think, feel, behave, and act like a man, allow her to be feminine.
When your wife feels feminine in response to your masculinity, she will feel attracted to you in a deep, primal, and fundamental way.
8. Take the Focus off What You Want
Make every attempt to understand what your wife wants, why she wants it, and why it makes sense for her.
Focus on what you want when she asks you. Remember to emphasize listening to her, helping her open up, and allowing her to express whatever it is she wants to share.
Just DON’T turn your relationship into a friendship. Deep connection and friendship are essential, but draw the line when necessary.
Even if resentment is pulling you down, default to understanding if you want your wife to fall back in love with you. Choose a more compassionate and honest attitude.
9. Work on Yourself
You’re probably concerned about what’s best for your wife, but if you don’t enjoy your life, career, hobbies, and friends, you’re likely to rely heavily on her and expect her to fulfill all your needs.
Your moods might even fluctuate based on how she is feeling! When you are with her, focus on her. Otherwise, get involved with other things in life that interest and challenge you.
If you have interests, you’re more interesting. If you can have fun, it’s exciting and attractive.
Having interests and hobbies not only keeps your mind occupied, but it gives you vitality and allows you time to make new friends and develop confidence.
Your wife might value her friendships, and it’s great if she can see that you have the capacity to maintain friendships, too.
10. Don’t Try to “Fix” Your Relationship
You can’t reignite your wife’s love for you by “fixing” things.
Your wife probably tried to fix things when she still loved you and wanted the marriage to survive. You might have disregarded her feelings or denied there was a problem.
Now, you might believe you need to fix all of the problems right away to rekindle your wife’s love for you. But you have a lot of work to do before then, and it’s NOT about fixing the problems in your marriage.
Instead, focus on reconnecting with her.
If you only focus on her loving you again, two things could happen.
First, she might believe you are only making temporary changes to appease her.
Quick changes may be based only on your neediness – which comes off as desperation. She might think if she reconnects with you, things will go right back to being the way they were before.
Second, you will become overly focused on your wife.
You might lose sleep because you’re worried about her, the marriage, and whether or not she will love you again. You might even be fearful every time you interact with her.
Insecurity is very unattractive!
11. Be Honest
Take full responsibility for your part in damaging the intimacy and connection in your marriage.
Are there unresolved arguments?
Is forgiveness needed?
Healing the pain and hurt is vital for rebuilding your relationship. Seek counseling if it will help you work through these issues.
Now is the time to review your contributions to the marital problems, but don’t try to make your wife feel guilty or play on her sympathy.
Instead, be honest about what you’ve done to damage the connection.
Don’t blame, defend yourself, deny your mistakes, or discredit her opinions and perceptions about things you’ve done that have frustrated, hurt, or irritated her.
Empathize with her feelings and don’t make promises you can’t keep.
12. Prioritize Kindness
By choosing to do more loving actions and expressing yourself in a kind manner, your wife will feel loved.
If you’re consistently loving and generous, your kindness will soften challenging moments.
13. Support Your Wife’s Interests
Your wife has her own identity, interests, needs, talents, abilities, and hobbies. Some of them might be qualities that made you fall in love with her!
So, give your wife the space she needs to thrive and explore because it’s far healthier to actively support her instead of controlling her or imposing limitations and restrictions on her choices based on your insecurities.
14. Offer Support
Offer to help with a few practical things. Avoid overdoing it, or she might pull away because she thinks you’re manipulative.
If you do a few helpful things without expecting anything in return, it demonstrates to her your unconditional love and care. If you’re willing to continue doing these things, it shows you’re eager to make lasting changes.
15. Give Her Space
You might not understand or recognize your wife’s emotional pain. She might require quiet time to calm down and heal – before she can fall back in love with you.
Ask yourself, “My wife is in pain and needs time apart. Do I care?”
If you do, then make the sacrifice for her and do what’s best for her. Be willing to back off and give her the gift of time, space, and privacy.
Here Are Some Suggestions on What You Can Do to Give Her Space:
- If you’re not living together, avoid calling her for a few days. If you’re still living together, allow her to be alone.
- If she initiates a conversation, stay calm and neutral. Focus on listening and validating her feelings.
- Avoid calling, texting, or emailing her during work hours.
- Don’t drive by her home.
- Call a counselor or trusted friend who can support you.
- Don’t be overly forward or pushy.
- Stay calm, cordial, and in complete control whenever you’re together.
16. Seek Marriage Coaching
Unlike marital therapy or couples counseling, marriage or relationship coaching does NOT require your wife’s participation.
You don’t have to convince her you’re working on yourself – you’re intentionally making an effort to make the changes needed to save your marriage and reignite her love.
What Does Your Wife Want?
After reading the above suggestions, you might feel like winning your wife back will require a lot of work. And it will, but here is a simplified list of what your wife wants.
Every woman is different, of course, and your wife might not require everything on this list. Keep these six points in mind.
It isn’t just about you remembering special occasions like your anniversary, nor is it mind reading. Notice things, be aware of your wife’s preferences, and act before she asks.
Marriage is a partnership, and your wife is NOT solely responsible for raising your children, maintaining the household, and running the show!
If you make a list of everything your wife does for you, your children, and your household, you might be shocked at how long the list is! Take time to appreciate all she does.
Let your wife know her opinions are valued, and carefully consider her feedback and advice. Instead of jumping in to offer solutions, encourage your wife to talk through her problems with you.
You might expect your wife to be your cheerleader, but do you support her in return? Share her burdens, provide support, and genuinely show caring about her health and well-being.
Your wife shouldn’t have to worry about you if you’re out late. She wants the security that you are fully committed to her and your marriage. She will be happy when she knows you will never lie or disappoint her.
It might take time, but it’s possible to strengthen your marriage and cultivate a deep and lasting love with your wife.