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8 Principles for Motivating Your Husband to Take Action WITHOUT Conflict

These key principles will help you with whatever motivation you try to encourage.

Above all, remember that you are trying to promote a motivation that grows within him. While it may benefit you to have these goals accomplished, it alternates the need to grow roots within his mind and heart.

By following these guiding principles, you will encourage motivation for the right reasons in a way your husband can sustain.

The internal reward will draw him naturally towards his goal, as opposed to an external force pushing him.

Later in this guide, you’ll learn ways to motivate your husband in specific situations. Read and apply the principles below to any conflict area in your marriage.

Keys to Motivating Your Husband

1. Be Encouraging and Positive

Coaches and bosses sometimes motivate through negativity. If your husband did a sport or has a competitive job place, he’s probably used to some of this. Instead, be his cheerleader. Be careful you don’t sound insincere or shallow. Make a point to remain positive.

Let him know you have faith in him. You should have hope and confidence even if he doesn’t. Take note of the steps of his progress and give some positive praise. He may not see how well things have changed since he first started, but you do.

2. Avoid Nagging and Constant Reminding

Wife Nagging Husband

Your husband may struggle to stay motivated on a regular basis. He may quit doing something or not put in his best effort. It may be tempting to remind and nag. Avoid making this mistake.

When you do this, it feels like a parent-child relationship instead of an equal spouse partnership. You don’t want him to feel you are smothering him. When you notice your husband is off track, just a gentle reminder or comment about how things are going can be enough.

Say something like this: hey honey, I noticed you haven’t been exercising the last few days. Did you want to talk about it? He might say no but offer a chance to talk about his frustrations and give him your support.

3. Communicate Clearly and Succinctly

Women can be pretty wordy at times. Verbal communication is a strength for women: it comes naturally. Men use words more sparingly and are direct with how they speak. The last thing you want to do is confuse or frustrate him with long-winded comments.

Even if your husband is a chatty guy, he will appreciate direct, clear communication. When you are trying to motivate him, don’t add extra verbiage where it’s not needed. This can dilute the message you’re trying to give. Be thoughtful to get to the essence of your message.

4. Have Patience and Help When Frustrations Arise

Patient Wife Smiling

As your husband moves towards a new goal, he might find that it’s harder than he thought. He’ll make mistakes, might feel like giving up, and doubt his ability to keep going.

You know best how your husband reacts when facing an obstacle. He may want to get help solving the problem, or he may want to do it on his own.

No matter what your husband wants to do during tough times, stay patient. You should be the calming voice he needs to hear during his most frustrating moments.

5. Help Him Manage Stress the Right Way

Change is hard, and it won’t come without some stress and frustration. Even the most positive and uplifting goal can make your husband question his decision. Think two steps ahead and help lighten his load. If he has tasks that he normally does, offer to help when you can.

Use your magic fingers and invite him to sit down for a nice shoulder rub. Encourage him to go to bed early if he looks tired after a long day. If he misses dinner, days at a time, due to work, bring him a bite to eat.

Sit down with him and ask him how his day is going, his progress, and his frustrations. Even if he’s not willing to share, he might want to blow off a little steam by venting. Make sure he knows not to sweat the small stuff.

As a team, you can work together so he has fewer barriers between him and his finish line.

6. Remind Him of the Rewards

Wife Motivating Discouraged Husband

When you are running a marathon, the finish line can seem so far away. Help your husband remember what he is working towards.

Is he going for a better job? Losing weight? Or trying to learn a new skill? Mention something good that awaits him once he finishes. Be cautious this doesn’t come across as pressure.

Your intention is to generate excitement and an emotional connection to his end goal. Remind him you are excited about whatever it is, as much as he is. Entice him so he knows you are looking forward to his accomplishments.

Husbands like to see their wives happy, and that gives him even more satisfaction that he can please you.

7. Listen Attentively to Him

It may seem like motivating him is only about the things you do or say to make him want to do something. One of the most important things you can do for him is to just listen.

Resist the urge to interject with your own thoughts. Sit back and let him get his ideas out. When he stops, encourage him to keep going.

Ask questions that make him go into detail. Acknowledge what he says while still leaving the door open for him to continue speaking. It can also help to recap what you heard so he knows you’ve been listening and you understand.

Even if he gets discouraged or says something you disagree with, make sure you listen anyway

8. You May Not Know the Whole story

Husband Reluctant to Open Up

Keep in mind that your observations are yours only. He may have his own, one he hasn’t explained to you yet.

He may be facing challenging situations that remind him of previous struggles. He might have a grown-up with mental health problems, something he might not be ready to share with you yet. He might be far more aware of his mortality or age than they used to be.

It’s very important to take all of the above steps for your motivation plan to work. As much as you think you know your husband, you might not understand the full picture. Kindness and respect is the best way to bring out the best in him.

How to Motivate a Lazy Husband

It’s hard to go about life feeling like your partner is lazy. Changing the tide requires a little bit of direction and lots of kindness.

Treat him like he’s your hero. Men like to know they’re taking good care of their families. Give him every opportunity to help you and be your hero.

Instead of waiting for big things to happen, take note of the small ones. Be careful not to sugar-coat things. Sincerely express your thanks when you think it could have an impact.

There are times where you need to be firm with your husband. When something needs to be said, say it directly. Make sure your tone is kind and calm. Say as few words as possible. Follow up with a smile and appreciate him for all he does.

How to Motivate Your Husband to Lose Weight & Exercise

Losing weight is more than just numbers on a scale. The physical, mental, and emotional aspects all play a part.

Major life events like trying to lose weight can feel lonely and frustrating at times.

When you see him down, remind him why he’s doing it in the first place. Maybe he wants to gain more energy, or perhaps he wants to lower his risks of heart disease.

Show your solidarity by being a good example. Eat healthy, nourishing foods and exercise regularly. He’ll see that you stand with him every step of the way

Make mealtime a fun time. He might miss some of his favorite but unhealthy foods and not sure about the new ones. Put some great music on, bring in a cheerful mood, and find creative ways to serve healthy meals.

Avoid bringing home unhealthy foods. Save indulgent foods for special occasions. Don’t expect him to resist temptation if unhealthy foods are within reach.

How to Motivate Your Husband to Get a Job

Unemployment can put a strain on any marriage. When stress arises, avoid starting heated arguments about money. Stay calm, use a neutral tone, and focus on the reasons he needs to get a job

Men gain a sense of purpose from their jobs. Even if it’s not a job they like, they feel good knowing they can provide for their family.

Motivation can be difficult when their work-life has been interrupted.

Your husband’s spirit is likely more down than he’s willing to tell you. Encourage him to talk about it. Ask him what type of job he’d really love to do.

Did he enjoy his last job? Would he like to try something new? Ask these questions to pique his interest.

The thought of starting a new job is stressful and overwhelming. Help him see the adventures in it. The excitement of starting something new.

He may feel more nervous than excited, but your encouragement can make it easier.

How to Motivate Your Husband in His Career & Get a Better Job

Several decades ago, people stayed in the same jobs for years, even decades. This may not be right for your husband. In fact, changing jobs is a common thing these days.

If you see him bring home stress from work, or dread going in every day, it’s time for a change.

Ask him about his work environment. Ask whether he feels it’s the best choice for the future he has planned. Ask if he likes what he’s doing now. Is there a bigger vision? He may want to do something more but isn’t sure how.

Listen to what he says. If he complains about money or that he doesn’t like his job environment, let him see how it might be time for a change.

He might be worried about disruptions in the family. Have a conversation about your budget and whether he is willing to move. Talk about things that might change with a new job.

Dream big with him, and let him know you support him all the way.

How to Motivate Your Husband to Grow Spiritually

Spiritual growth is a personal journey. You might wish your husband would move further along in his. You may be tempted to push him along by dropping hints or making suggestions. Understand that this is not how it works.

Be an example and let your spirituality permeate your daily life. Show what it’s like to live by the principles you strongly believe in.

Don’t expect to be perfect, even if you are trying to show your faith. Your spirituality matters, whether or not things are going well. By being yourself, you can indirectly influence your husband.

Show your husband you respect him, even when he stagnates in his spirituality. His journey is his, not yours. He’ll know the difference between internal motivation and external pressure. Your respect for his personal choice matters.

How to Motivate Your Husband to Help Around The House

Both spouses have an equal responsibility to care for their home. However, many wives would like to see their husbands do a bigger share of chores around the house.

To get your husband more involved, start small. Tell him about the tasks that need to be done. Be grateful when he helps. Show him a to-do list and let him choose what he’d prefer to do.

If he chooses a chore, thank him sincerely and allow him to get to it. If you have a certain time frame like finishing before supper, politely let him know. Stay quiet and let him do his work. Do not attempt to re-do or fix anything he has already done.

All you need to do is get him into the routine of performing regular tasks. You are inviting him to join you in caring for your home. So make it a fun experience for him.

Play some of his favorite music, be playful and laugh with him. Enjoy a great time together and make memories in the process. It might take a while but you’ll have an awesome time doing it.

Motivate and Build Up Your Husband

Whatever it is you need your husband to do, he will need your help and encouragement.

You have more power than you are aware of to build him up or tear him down. Your words and actions can bring out the best or worst in him. Be mindful of this fact every single day.

Also, be proud of yourself, dear wife, for being so strong.

Most women do not even attempt to build their men up. They don’t stick around too long when times get tough. The fact that you’ve read this far shows your dedication and commitment to your marriage, and your husband should be so proud to have you as a wife.

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Jennifer Tanaka

Jennifer is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker with a passion for helping couples struggling within their marriage, relationship, or during the divorce process.

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