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Why Does My Wife Hate Me? Tips on How to Fix It

Why Does My Wife Hate Me? Tips on How to Fix It

If your wife hates you, this article will cover why your wife hates you and how to fix it.

Maybe she’s said it aloud, or perhaps it’s how she looks at you or treats you.

Whether or not she’s confirmed your fears, you hope to bridge a deep divide between you.

If there is constant tension or frequent arguments, you might believe there are no ways to fix the damaged bond.

You might even worry she’s cheating on you. Then, in a panic, you might be frantically doing everything you can to rekindle her love. Yet, the more you do, the colder she becomes.

So, a vicious cycle results – the harder you try, the more distant she seems, and you’re losing sleep, wondering what it will take to save your marriage.

You feel awful because all you can think about is that your wife hates you.

If you can relate, read for tips and techniques to turn things around!

Why Does My Spouse Hate Me?

Wife Hates Husband

Even though you may want the situation to fix itself as fast as possible, it’s essential to get to the root of the problem to save your marriage.

The most important thing you can do when you think your wife hates you is to figure out why she feels this way.

You might want her to get over her coldness, hostility, or resentment, but you need to identify the root of the problem.

Where did things go wrong?

Here are common reasons why your spouse hates you:

  • You betrayed her trust by lying or withholding information.
  • You were unfaithful.
  • You gave her a silent treatment
  • You broke promises or failed to meet her expectations.
  • You make her feel disrespected.
  • You are passive-aggressive or insult her.
  • She feels unappreciated or neglected.
  • She believes your marriage isn’t necessary for you.
  • She feels unattractive and insecure; she thinks you no longer desire her.
  • She’s projecting dissatisfaction with her life onto you.
  • She doesn’t feel heard.
  • She feels you do not spend time with her
  • She has low self esteem due to the lack of a good marriage
  • She is living an unhappy life in a marriage
  • She is struggling to communicate with you
  • She hates your habits.
  • She feels alone in dealing with all the responsibilities of family life.
  • You’re not doing your part at home – completing household tasks, caring for children, or helping her when overwhelmed.
  • She’s struggling with something you don’t know about
  • Lack of sex

When you understand the core reason for her hatred, you can rebuild your marriage – instead of constantly being haunted by thoughts like, “My wife hates me and wants to leave! She’s going to ask for a divorce.

It All Starts With You

Your attitude and actions make all the difference.

You must understand what your wife needs from you and what is required for your marriage to thrive. The desire to stay married and have peace in the family has no place for negative thoughts.

If you want to shift that hatred into love, happiness, and passion, the following 15 tips should help!

What To Do or Not To Do if Your Wife Hates You

Now it’s time to explore what concrete actions you can implement to make your wife stop hating you.

Your goal is to turn that hatred into deep and lasting love. You want her to look at you as she did at the beginning of your relationship.

1. Ask Yourself the Following Questions

Man Writing Notes

As you reflect on these questions (and their answers), take notes and jot down solutions.

  • What did I do for her that I’ve stopped doing for her in the past?
  • What will it take for her to forgive me if I’ve hurt her?
  • What did I share with her before that I no longer shared?
  • What did I say to her in the past that made her happy?
  • What can I do to make her feel appreciated?
  • How can I show her my gratitude for all she contributes to our marriage and family?
  • What changes can I make to show her I’m sincere?

Take a pen and paper and jot down the answers to these questions. Then, brainstorm some ideas of things you can do right now.

For example, if your wife feels neglected, go out of your way to make her feel special and loved.

2. She Sees Things Differently Than You Do

Remember that even when people are wrong, they often don’t see it that way.

Even if you think your wife has made mistakes and done her part to damage the marriage, the goal is to restore your bondnot prove to her that you’re right and she’s wrong.

3. Avoid Criticism

Husband Criticizing Wife

Don’t criticize your wife during these trying times. You’ll only make things worse.

Tensions might be high, and arguing frequent, so there’s no need to add fuel to the fire by criticizing her. It will damage her pride, hurt her sense of self, and increase her resentment toward you.

4. Take Your Time

If you want to rebuild a solid foundation in your marriage and strengthen the bond with your wife, lay the groundwork, and don’t expect quick fixes.

Instead of focusing on winning your wife back, invest in your future step-by-step by taking things slow.

5. Communicate! By Doing the Following:

Becoming a good communicator takes both time and practice.

Here are some effective communication tips which are essential for a successful and long-lasting marriage:

  • Learn the vocabulary of expressing feelings and how to structure conversations about your marriage.
  • Be open and vulnerable about your fears. 
  • Have regular check-ins with your wife – at least once a week! Ask questions like:
    • What’s been on your mind lately?
    • What’s going on with your friends?
    • Any news with your family?
    • Are you worried about anything?
    • What are you excited about?
  • Focus on her feelings and what’s going on in her world
  • Don’t make empty promises
  • Be mindful of your tone of voice
  • Try to understand her point of view
  • Listen to what she has to say
  • Accept her for who she is instead of expecting her to behave the way you think she should
  • Pay attention to your body language – make eye contact, smile, and uncross your arms!

6. Forgive

Man Deep In Thought Forgiving Himself

Take time to reflect on your previous actions and forgive yourself. Apologize if needed, but don’t go overboard.

Forgive yourself for your mistakes and screw-ups. You might be ashamed or sick with guilt, leading you to beg and plead for forgiveness.

This behavior will only cause your wife to feel annoyed, frustrated, and suffocated. If you need to apologize, do it, but don’t go overboard.

7. Engage to Connect

Don’t allow the disconnection between you and your wife to grow. Instead, engage, connect, and share.

Enjoy doing things together – visit new places or plan a trip. The more fun and novelty you share, the more your connection will deepen.

8. Become Friends Again

Friendship fuels romance. Show her that you love your wife. Try to make her understand how happy she makes you.

Doing things together, communicating, and sharing your most profound feelings strengthen friendship and solidify your marital bond.

Maybe taking some household chores off her hands and giving her a break to relax will help. Showing her you are a real partner may help to feel more secure and more supported. All the decisions could be worked out together. Building your wife’s self confidence will build up a better relationship.

9. Focus on What You CAN Control

Even if your wife hates you, focus on the things you can control. You can’t control your wife’s feelings, so focus on your actions and behaviors.

One of the keys to ensuring your relationship gets back on track is enjoying the present moment.

Avoid dwelling on the past, worrying about your wife’s feelings, or panicking about the future.

You can’t change any of that! You are only in charge of your choices and behaviors right now.

10. Focus on the Positive

Husband Making Wife Laugh

A positive mood is contagious. If you maintain a positive outlook, it could influence your wife’s feelings.

It’s hard to be optimistic when you’re worried about your failing marriage and your wife’s contempt for you, but dwelling on the negatives will not help things improve.

It would be best to focus on the silver linings instead of what you don’t have right now. Negativity and pessimism are destructive.

11. Thoughtfulness Goes a Long Way

Leave a sweet note where your wife will find it unexpectedly. When running errands, pick up a small gift or flowers.

Do little things to show her you’re thinking of her, and the small gestures combined with substantial changes will add up bit by bit. Her hatred for you will subside.

12. Laugh and Smile More

If your wife has a habit of getting angry, irritated, annoyed, and stressed over little things, take the lead to a happier state of mind. Life can be challenging. Taking life too seriously is easy – you forget to smile, laugh, and be light-hearted.

If you communicate with her and you’d typically get upset, irritated, angry, or frustrated, force yourself not to go there!

Instead, bite your tongue, watch what you say, smile, and choose to relax. Turn the situation into something you can laugh about together if you can.

13. Be a Man That She Can Look up to and Respect

Your wife might be successful, intelligent, and independent, but she still wants to be able to look up to you and respect you.

She wants to feel safe in the knowledge that you are someone she can rely on. She wants to be sure you’ll follow through on your promises.

Her respect is something you need to earn and maintain over time. So, if your main goal is for your wife to stop hating you, make sure you focus on being a man she can look up to and respect in every way.

14. Show Her You’re Making Improvements

Focus on making positive changes, but take things one day at a time. It takes at least a month to develop new habits fully.

If your wife can’t stand certain things about you, it’s impossible to fix everything about yourself within 24 hours completely. Scientifically proven, it usually takes 1-2 months to fully develop a new habit or overcome and replace a bad habit.

During the next 60 days, show her you are improving on the things you are trying to fix, overcome, or replace.

Here’s an example: if you have a habit you were doing 100% of the time, perhaps at the end of one month, you are doing it 30% of the time!

That’s a significant improvement! Your wife will see you’re changing and improving.

15. Make Her Feel Sexy

Have you ever observed a couple still madly in love and attracted to each other after 20 years of marriage?

This type of relationship is only possible when a man can deepen the love, respect, and attraction between him and his wife over time – while also making her feel like she’s the sexiest woman on the planet!

If you can maintain the mindset that your wife is the most beautiful, sexy, desirable woman on Earth, then both of you will want to connect intimately.

And your sex life will stay hot! Your wife will be happy and excited that she can turn you on.

Remember that wives can sense when their husband no longer finds them unattractive, which could cause them to pull away even further from you.

Don’t Give Up Even if Your Wife Hates You!

Happy Couple In Love

Don’t give up hope. Overcoming relationship troubles allows you and your wife to develop a deeper and more meaningful bond.

By committing to your marriage, you will strengthen the bond between you, especially when faced with challenges.

Your mindset is an essential element to winning your wife back. Commit to your wife and relationship, and fix this situation to get to the other side.

If you obsess about your wife’s hatred of you and worry that she will leave, you will get nowhere. Positivity, dedication, and commitment are the ingredients for success.

Undoubtedly, approaching your wife’s hatred with compassion, love, kindness, and lightheartedness will get you much further than approaching her in attack or defense mode.

As you repair the damage to your bond, remember that she needs to know how much you value her and how you can communicate with trust and honesty.

You are a team and should be working together. This crisis can create incredible opportunities.

This is an opportunity to create a deeper, more meaningful bond that will enable you to experience a more profound and meaningful love.

To share true, long-lasting love, a couple must experience and get through hardships. Physical intimacy, emotional closeness, and spirituality are the components of a happy marriage.

Overcoming the challenge of your wife hating you can strengthen your marriage.


There are many options nowadays to help your marriage. Marriage counseling, relationship coach, family therapist. You can use help and advice from any of the mentioned services. However, if money is the issue, books and online courses could be as helpful. In our busy lives, sometimes reading or putting some effort into a course right at home can help relationships. Sometimes, a simple talk can even be helpful. It could be in your house or outside, not necessarily in the office of a professional. The job of rebuilding a marriage is important here. . Your wife will not look for other men if you are telling the truth during the conversation, have no fear and belief in good. No one in the family should be unhappy.

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Angela Doel

Angela M. Doel has researched and written about mental health problems that impact relationships, such as navigating divorce, rebuilding relationships, enhancing communication, and overcoming sex addiction. She published The Couples Communication Workbook: Therapeutic Homework Assignments to Foster Supportive Relationships (2020, Between Sessions Resources, Inc.).

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