If you’re preparing for marriage, then chances are you already know how important it is to really be on the same page as your fiance before tying the knot!
In order to give your marriage the highest chance of success, it is best for you to have a deep understanding of your spouse.
We have compiled a premarital counseling questionnaire to help you gather ideas of MUST ASK questions you and your fiance should discuss before getting married!
In order to ensure your marriage starts out as smoothly as possible, it is important that you and your fiance discuss some pretty serious topics first. Here, we’ll cover all the hard-hitting questions so you’re guaranteed to leave no stone unturned.
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Questions About Starting A Family
“Do you want to start a family and if so, when?”
This question is super important because it will ensure fully understand your partner’s desires to be or not be a parent.
It will also allow you to understand the timeline they have in their head, and make sure it works nicely with your own timeline.
I have seen so many newlywed couples who struggle with when to start their family.
Typically one spouse will want children within the first year or two, while the other will want to wait a couple years to cement their career or simply enjoy just being married.
If you’re not on the same page about when to start a family, then at least one of you is going to feel short changed with whatever decision you eventually come to. So just make sure to work it out before marriage.
The second question you need to ask your fiance is…
Questions About Sharing Income
“To what extent will we share incomes?”
Money issues can take even the happiest of marriages and turn them upside down, so don’t wait until the marital bliss has worn off to discuss something so crucial.
This is especially important if your future spouse makes significantly more money than you.
Come up with a plan of action that addresses how you will both contribute to the household, as well as vacations, debts, and so on and so forth.
If you can agree on your financial obligations before tying the knot, you’re eliminating the need to have this stressful and daunting conversation down the road.
The third question to ask is..
Questions About In-Laws
“How do you feel about my family?”
Although this question has the potential to elicit some uncomfortable responses, remember that it is so much better to understand your fiance’s feelings towards your family BEFORE they join your family.
If your fiance isn’t exactly your family’s biggest fan, it is crucial that you know this before getting married, for several reasons really.
For starters, it will give you time to address and ideally mend some issues that may exist between both parties, which will make your wedding all the more enjoyable and stress free for everyone!
Also, it will give you a clear indication of your spouse’s intentions towards your family.
If your future spouse does not want to spend weekends at your parent’s place then you need to know this so you won’t have a bomb dropped on you in the future.
The fourth question you and your fiance need to ask one another is…
Questions About Religion And Parenting
“How important is religion to you and how will it affect our children?”
If you and your fiance practice different religions or having beliefs that vary within the same religion, it is important to iron out how religion will shape not only your marriage, but children’s lives.
What major holidays are to be celebrated? And how are you children to be educated on religion?
If you wait to address these matters until you’re forced to, there’s a significant chance that conflict can arise.
Instead, iron out the details before getting married, allowing you both to agree and compromise where necessary.
The fifth question you and your fiance need to ask one another is…
Questions About The Future
“Where do you see us five, ten, and twenty years from now?”
It is important that your long term goals for the relationship match up to those of your future spouse. If you both have different ideals about where the relationship should head, then you’re going to need to come together and compromise.
When you’re married you’re committed to going through life TOGETHER, so your plans better match up.
For instance, if your fiance thinks they will retire in ten years and spend the rest of their life working from home and traveling, you need to know this way ahead of time to figure out if this is compatible with your plans.
Ask the following questions before getting married:
- Do you want to start a family and if so when?
- To what extent will we share incomes?
- How do you like my family?
- How important is religion to you and how will it affect our children?
- Where do you see us in five, ten, and twenty years from now?
Premarital Counseling Questions (Free PDF Version And Quiz)
If you’re looking for something more like a quiz to help gauge if you and your partner are prepared to be in a committed marriage, then check this out.
This resource covers the heavy hitters like conflict resolution, partnership, support, trust, togetherness, emotional intimacy, warmth and affection, and chemistry.
You will be given a score depending on how you answer that will be used to give you an overall assessment when added together. You can then read more about your score in greater detail.
When Should You Start Premarital Counseling?
It is recommended that you start premarital counseling soon after you get engaged. Don’t put it off until right before you get married.
Prioritizing your premarital counseling and addressing it early on in your engagement will make you more proactive about the situation.
It is inevitable that you are going to encounter issues during your wedding planning which may ultimately lead to conflict.
It doesn’t make sense to go into the process and have pre-existing issues because you’re going to need to be on the same page when you’re planning for your wedding and for marriage.
Go to counseling and get your issues sorted out pronto.
There are many benefits to being proactive and enduring pre-marriage counseling that can really contribute to the overall success of your marriage and is something every committed couple should do.
If you want to really ensure you and your fiance are fully prepared for marriage, consider taking a marriage preparation course together!
This is by no means an exhausted list of questions.
In our opinions, these are simply the most pressing concerns that modern marriages are extremely likely to encounter in your own relationship. Therefore, we believe these are the most important questions you should ask your future husband or wife.
Now, keep in mind that it takes a lot more than simply asking these questions to ensure a happy and lasting union, but this questionnaire should at the very least have you headed in the right direction!