Breaking up and moving out is always difficult. Nine times out of ten, the relationship breakup will have been triggered by some kind of hurt, insult, or event, even if it was a mutual breakup. This means emotions and tensions will be high.
This time will require careful thought, maturity, and an insistence on working through without getting hung up on the small stuff.
Take this opportunity to learn, engage in the healing process, and move forward, knowing that brighter days may be on the horizon for both of you.
Of course, some impartial help will probably be best for you now.
To that end, we have compiled the following tips on how to move out peacefully after a breakup.
Our tips will be on how to use this list. We recommend looking it over with your ex-partner and, if possible, mutually agreeing. Try to stick to the list even if disagreements or emotions arise.
Let this be a guide rail for the work that needs to be done, a guide that is intended to keep you from engaging in destructive bickering or worse.
Tips on How to Move Out After a Breakup
As you begin the moving out process, understand that the worst conflicts humans fight throughout history are always over essential resources. That includes shelter, family, food, and the like.
This means you have all the ingredients for an explosive situation. So we will move through the list knowing that preventing destructive conflict is the highest priority.
Choosing the Right Moving Company
So, you have enough on your plate. Moving out is one of the most stressful things. Not to mention the breakup or divorce that you are going through. The best thing is to hire a professional, licensed company to do packing, moving, assembling, and disassembling off your shoulders.
After careful research and surveys from our clients, the best moving company we found was www.longdistancemoving.com. They provide a quote so you know how to handle your finances beforehand.
Step 1: Settle the Essentials
The first step is about making tough decisions. It involves who stays in the house or who goes. If you have children, the decision should be made for their sake, of course, and also, what to do with pets if there are any.
This is the tough part, where explosive reactions are the most likely. You must manage to make these decisions peacefully. It doesn’t mean you have to be happy about the result. It only means we can move forward without causing unnecessary damage.
Figure Out Who Stays and Who Goes
This can be the most challenging aspect of breaking up. If possible, the decision of who gets to stay should be made mutually. Short of a mutual decision on this, there might be yelling, fighting, and even possible police involvement. Our goal here is to avoid those things for a minimally destructive parting of ways.
So, when deciding who stays and who goes, consider the following factors:
- Who can more easily find other accommodations?
If one partner has family nearby and can go there for a while, that might be the answer to who moves out. What’s important here is that one person not be put in a situation that could be dangerous. Whoever leaves should be the least likely to come to harm in so doing.
- Whose name is on the lease or rental agreement?
If one partner has his or her name on the paperwork, that will make it easier for that person to pay bills and have maintenance done on the living space.
- Who owns the space?
Chances are that one partner has spent more money on acquiring and keeping the living space than the other. This should not be the overriding factor in who stays but is a factor for consideration. If there is too much disagreement on this point, it may be best to disregard it. Remember, harm avoidance is the key to everything here.
- Who has more belongings in the space?
In some cases, one partner may have large pieces of furniture, and the other may not. Moving furniture is a big job. It can be expensive to have it done by paying movers. If a rapid breakup is called for, then the person who can move out more quickly may be the one who should leave. This could be the most important factor if you have an emergency move situation.
- Situational factors
In considering the circumstances of the event that triggered the breakup, this does open up a risk of needless fighting. However, if one partner triggered the breakup through infidelity, for example, he or she is likely the one who should move out.
If deciding on these points does not come easily, you need to sit down, drink some coffee, and hash it out. Consider looking at each of the above points and go through each one, awarding a point to the one who meets the standard. There are five points, so one partner will have more points than the other.
This could be a way to let this guide choose who should move out for you. If you disregard the third point and come out even, you may need to crunch some figures and settle on who has invested more in the living space, but only if you can do so peacefully.
If you make it this far, you are doing well. Making the next decision peacefully can be equally challenging.
Step 2: Decide What to Do About Children
If you have children together, your first and only priority should be to avoid traumatizing them. Everything you do should be in their best interests, not yours. Children should stay in or go to the most stable, secure, and familiar place of residence available.
In most cases, they should simply stay and continue their lives in a way that is as close to normal as possible.
What to Do With Shared Pets?
It can be tough when both partners have an attachment to co-owned pets. Let it boil down to who will have the best place for animals or animals to live. Other factors, like who first acquired the pet, may be important. But the most important deciding factor is where the pet/s will have the best chance of flourishing.
You’ll notice that we’re placing the impetus on the pet’s well-being as we did for children. This makes selfish decision-making less likely to win the day. This is key.
Tips on Moving Out
Alright, assuming you have gotten through the tough choices, you have made it through the hard part. Compared to that, what comes next should be a snap. Having come this far, you should have managed to avoid a sudden flouncing or a kicking-out of one partner. Now, you have the chance to do the leaving thoughtfully and peacefully. That is the right direction and should be your top priority.
Mutually Choose an Exit Strategy
Moving out entails a heck of a lot of logistics. You will be moving things, hiring people, and deciding what to spend money on and what not to do. The important thing is that any decision that affects both parties should be mutually decided. So, before making a decision that affects your former partner, consult them.
Don’t Get Hung Up On Minor Things
Inevitably, there are still going to be dozens of things that could trip you up. These include shared belongings, relationship issues, sentimental feelings, the pre-move-out living situation, and more. These are unavoidable. The important thing here is to realize that you have already made the toughest decisions you will have to make. So don’t let the small stuff cause problems you don’t need. This is why we make the tough choices first, so that we know we are bigger than the little things.
Ask for Help
If you have friends or a family member who can help you with moving or need some emotional support, ask for it. While this is a time to be strong, it doesn’t mean you must be an absolute rock. Call in friends and family to help you through the process.
Seek Out Loved Ones
Okay, yeah, we are repeating the last point. Why? Because it matters. Moving is tough. Breaking up is tough. Breaking up and moving is a life trauma. That’s why reaching out to anyone with a shoulder you can lean on is so important. It goes for you guys too. Call on your friends, have some fun, and get things off your chest. Don’t try to carry your burden alone if you don’t have to.
No matter your age or experience, breaking up and finding a new place is tough, confusing, and upsetting.
The important thing is not to cause unnecessary damage. If you have children, you have to respect that they did not ask for or create any part of the situation, and they should be protected above all else.
But most importantly, understand that these things happen, that people make mistakes, and it does not mean there has to be a good and bad guy.
If you find yourself nodding at that last sentence, congratulations, you have a good shot at a productive and hassle-free parting of ways. Good luck.