Love triangles are a common theme in the world of entertainment. Novels, movies, and television shows have perfected the tale of two men valiantly fighting for the affection of one woman, or two women ferociously competing for the heart of one man.
Authors, film makers, and television producers astutely understand the allure that the love triangle holds in that it engages audiences to choose and root for one relationship. Furthermore, classic movies such as “Gone With the Wind”, “The Graduate”, and “Titanic” proved that conventional endings are not always guaranteed.
Unfortunately, love triangles are much less entertaining when they are unwelcome and present themselves in real life. If an unsolicited third party enters your marriage and captures the attention of your wife, it can be terrifying and disheartening.
Thankfully, this does not have to be the point of no return, as there are several things that you can do to win your wife back from another man.
My wife left me for another man. Will she come back?
When a spouse strays from their marriage, or becomes involved with a third party, the relationship is usually already fractured, troubled, and unfulfilling. Partners often feel unloved, insignificant, and like their emotional and physical needs are not being met.
The prospect of her return will greatly depend on your understanding of why she left, along with your ability and commitment to make changes in yourself and towards the overall relationship.
It is important to note that marriages do not become instantly fractured and thus cannot be repaired overnight. If your wife left for another man, it is likely that a resolution will take some time to achieve.
What are the reasons why my wife left
It is vital to completely understand the reasons why your wife sought solace in another man. Perhaps you were aware of the cracks forming at the foundation of your relationship, but did not know how to address it, or were too dejected to face them.
Possibly, you avoided important topics because you were fearful of starting yet another fight. Maybe you were too comfortable, or too busy with other responsibilities to truly notice how fractured the relationship was. Regardless of your overall state of awareness or motivation, it is critical to comprehend your wife’s reasoning for straying.
Was your wife actively seeking out another companion or partner, or did she haphazardly fall into a friendship that unexpectedly blossomed into a relationship? Was she looking for love and support, or was she keenly attempting to have physical needs met?
How do I get my wife to help me understand why she left
It is fairly safe to assume that communication is severely splintered by the time a spouse emotionally or physically retreats from a marriage. If communication is broken, your wife may not want to provide her reasoning for leaving.
Your wife may feel as if you will fail to care or understand her motives. In these circumstances, it is important to be clear with authentic intent to listen while your wife shares. She may be weary of your reaction, especially if you have been prone to angry or aggressive outbursts in the past. It is critical to stay calm and avoid interruption, criticism, or hurtful comments.
Let your wife know that you would genuinely like to understand her perspective with hopes that you can be afforded an opportunity to improve. Help your wife understand that you cannot fix something that you didn’t know was broken.
If your wife is too angry, or has difficulty with verbal expression, encourage her to write her feelings instead.
What do I do now that I know why she left
Once your wife has clearly delineated reasons for straying, it is up to you to decide how you want to move forward. If you want to repair the marriage and win back her heart, you need to first make improvements and strengthen yourself.
A relationship is healthy only when both individuals are whole themselves. Determine if you are happy in all areas of your life. If you are unhappy with your priorities, time management, or general positioning in life, make a commitment to change them.
If you are open to it, professional assistance could provide you with added support, perspective, and guidance in your journey forward. If you are unhappy in your career or finances, consider switching jobs, returning to school, or learning a trade.
If your wife perceives you as inattentive, make it a priority to alter your work schedule and personal responsibilities to be emotionally and physically present more often. If you are unhappy or self-conscious about your appearance, make a commitment to lose weight by joining a gym or seeing a nutritionist. If you have difficulty communicating your feelings, be introspective and open to emotional vulnerability.
Once you feet are securely planted on the path of personal fulfillment, you can share your changes and improvements with your wife. Your commitment to self-improvement will also show her that you are truly committed to the relationship.
Additionally, it will show you listened to her concerns and will result in her feeling heard and validated. If she is open, share what you need from her, starting with an honest commitment to terminate contact with the third party.
What to do when your wife has feelings for another man
When a spouse drifts from the marriage, it is important to consider the type of extramarital affair that she is engaged in. Is she engaged in a physical relationship, an emotional one, or a relationship with elements of both?
It can be devastating to consider the possibility that your spouse has feelings for another man. However, the reality is that some level of connection had to have existed for the relationship to form in the first place.
Whether the relationship initiated quickly with physical attraction, or grew slowly from emotional attention, it is safe to assume that your wife has feelings for her paramour.
What remains variable is the degree and intensity of those feelings along with your wife’s intent of what to do with them.
Maintaining patience and fostering optimism
Once your wife understands your intent, commitment, and desire to repair the marriage, you will be forced to wait, as she contemplates her feelings and decides on her next course of action. This waiting period can be excruciating, as the future of your relationship appears to hang perilously in the balance.
During this time, it is imperative to maintain patience, as applying pressure will only cause your wife to feel more stress and anxiety. In addition, you do not want to incur the negative perception of being too pushy or manipulative, which in turn may cause your spouse to further retreat from your marriage.
Attempt to maintain positivity and optimism while you patiently await her decision. Try to foster confidence, while allowing her space to sort through her feelings for you and for her paramour.
How to survive while your wife works through her feelings
It is inherently difficult to feel powerless and out of control in any situation, but is especially grueling when it pertains to your marriage. As is true in life, you can never control another person, or a situation that involves another person, but you can always maintain control over yourself.
It can be helpful to maintain your own sanity with stress reduction and anxiety management techniques. Meditation, mindfulness, and yoga are worthwhile activities that foster serenity, focus, and emotional well being. These techniques assist individuals to breathe deeply while focusing on the present moment.
These interventions will not only help you pass the time, but will offer stress reduction and personal growth opportunity. Journaling is another self-awareness practice to help process your feelings.
Learning how to effectively balance space and communication
It is important to note that you do not want to “go ghost”, while your wife goes through this process. While allowing her space with no pressure, it is equally important to maintain a quiet presence by letting her know that you are still there.
Plan to meet up or speak on the phone, with sole intent to have fun and enjoy each other’s company. Take special care to avoid any difficult or emotionally charged topics. Focus should be kept squarely on fun, light-hearted conversation, and dating.
How do you get your wife to fall in love with you again?
Assuming all goes well, your wife will make the commitment to cease the third party relationship and give your marriage another shot. You both understand precipitating factors that led to the breakdown in your marriage and are aware of each other’s expectations in moving forward.
You have committed to making changes and improving yourself, while learning how to appropriately manage stress and anxiety. Now what? How do you add romance back into your relationship and get your wife to fall in love with you again?
Take comfort in the fact that your wife fell in love with you once and can easily do so again with helpful reminders.
Cherish her by making her a priority
Prior to the third party relationship, chances are, your wife and your marriage were not your top priority. Perhaps you took your marriage for granted, thinking that your wife would always be there.
Maybe you became complacent, or were simply too tired to put in the extra effort. Whatever the reason, it is essential to prioritize your marriage moving forward. Your wife should feel cherished, important, and valued.
You need to be emotionally and physically present and pledge to listen by truly hearing her. You will need to learn how to balance your career, family of origin, children, finances, and other day to day stressors with the needs of your marriage.
Consider couples counseling
You two have been through hell and back and may be unsure of the best ways to move forward. Maybe you are afraid of making the same mistakes, or hurting each other again. Or worse, maybe you are afraid that you will not be able to foster continued growth in the marriage.
Professional counseling would provide you and your wife with a safe and secure environment to process feelings and to heal from old wounds. You would be provided with a forum to discuss difficult topics, in addition to having a place to improve connection.
A marital counselor could assist you in re-building connection and intimacy via exercises to be done at home and during sessions. Additionally, you and your spouse would obliterate outside distractions by guaranteeing yourselves at least one hour per week to focus solely on your marriage.
Couples counseling would allow for reflection of your past in addition to the resurrection of positive memories, thus reminding your wife why she fell in love with you in the first place. These romantic reminders could facilitate falling in love again.
Have fun and enjoy each other
Simply stated, falling in love cannot occur without fun, laughter, and play. The burdensome demands of life and everyday responsibilities need to be counteracted with pure, infectious fun.
Make it a point to be spontaneous and to play often. Plan dates out to the theater, to an amusement park, or to a museum. Consider planning intimate dates in, such as movie night, doing a puzzle, or taking a bubble bath together.
Tell jokes, be silly, and be open to new experiences. Make it a goal every day to laugh, to share, and to build new memories together.
As Hollywood portrays, movies most often conclude with some type of resolution to the love triangle plot line. Sometimes these endings are predictable and satisfying, while other times they are unpredictable and messy.
Occasionally, couples are reunited and sometimes they are not, whether they are parted by the third side of the triangle or by some other inexplicable factor. Regardless, whatever the outcome, these movies depict resilient characters with full capability to move forward.
Take comfort in the fact that however your story plays out, you too are resilient and can write your own ending.