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Friends with Benefits

Friends with Benefits share moments and help each other with no strings attached. It is a perfect relationship for people who are not ready or have no desire to commit.

They can get intimate, stay just as friends, and end the relationship abruptly. A beneficial relationship can be romantic but not a mutual courting relationship—two people, friends, who do not plan a future together.

The word was first used in the 1995-1996 Alanis Morissette song Head over Feet. Since then, TV shows and movie characters have explored this kind of relationship. Funny enough, most of these friendships end with the friends being in love and tying the knot.

What Does Friend with Benefits Mean?

It’s a relationship where the dual expects no investment or emotional commitment. In this friendship setting, the friends can involve in penetrative or casual sex.

Nevertheless, setting rules is a good idea to avoid getting hurt. So both of them know where they stand in a relationship. They can have a common goal and change it if they feel unhappy. The rule of thumb is to be kind and sensitive to the friend’s needs. There is no excuse for being inconsiderate or unkind. Partners must be on the same page, and the expectations should be realistic.

What is it Friends with Benefits do?

Like friendly matches, they can adjust the rules to their liking. They can set limits on whether to have sexual escapades together. They can set restrictions on when and how to engage in sexual activities. The associates can decide how far they can go with their engagements and friendships.

Even though it sounds more like a sexual relationship, not all friends in this friendship setting participate in sexual games only. Some want to cuddle, share physical intimacy, and make out. Others offer each other shoulders to lean on when things go south.

A few might need to talk to someone and share what is going on in their life. They can choose to provide them with either financial or emotional support.

The dual can go on casual dates, sleep in each other’s homes, and go out together. Friendship shares similar qualities with romantic relationships.

Others only meet on the days they make love. In some cases, the friends are supportive and caring. They check on each other, buy gifts, and shop together. Some friends keep the conversations light and rarely go deep into each other’s life.

The dual needs to be on the same page for the relationship to survive the tides. They should walk at the same pace on engagement and expectations. Each partner ought to be happy with the arrangement.

The laid down rules dictate the limits on what they can do. In a typical friend-with-benefits setting, the rules are simple. You must be honest and not clingy. As you have fun, be lenient and caring. Keep safe, and try not to go beyond your limits.

Is Friend with Benefits Relationship Healthy?

The most beautiful marriages survive on honesty, carefulness, and commitment. Friends with benefits and connections built on the same terms are also lovely. The relationship’s foundations and building blocks determine how healthy it is. Like any relationship, this kind may not work for everyone.

Keep in mind that there are a few benefits that both people can take advantage of.

  1. Being sexually active is good for your mind and body. Therefore, having such a friend might be beneficial to both partners.
  • Sexing strengthens your immune system and
  • Improves self-esteem.
  • It’s the magic pill to reduce anxiety, depression, and blood pressure.

2. Befriending someone of the opposite sexual orientation gives you a better worldview.

  • It lets you expand your knowledge if a friend shares your life issues.
  • It can guide your life tracks more efficiently.
  • You’re free to live without the dramas common with other relationships.

The best part is that you’re not committed to each other emotionally and psychologically. Even when one friend decides to marry or get married to their life partner, you won’t have any emotional trauma. You’re not attached, and neither are you dating.

There is no emotional or spiritual intimacy as in committed relationships.

What are the Signs of a Friend with Benefits?

Sadly, some people unknowingly get into this kind of relationship. You might be on it already but have no clue. It’s good to understand the features of this kind of friendship.

That will let you understand if you’re in that kind of relationship. The following are key signs you’re a friend with benefits:

You’re Taken for a Ride

If the friend only pops up when they need something from you, you’re likely a friend with benefits. Typically, friends visit you when they need a sexual ride.

You laugh, enjoy, and share moments, but you don’t have anything worthwhile. You have not planned anything of benefit to your life together. In other words, you take each other for a smooth ride with no tangible plans.

Friends and Family Don’t Know You

In a normal society, people expect you to be close to your companions. They expect the lover to be close to your circle. None of the people within your friend’s circle know you in this relationship.

If you’ve kept a secret, and nobody of their friends knows you, you’re likely a friend with benefits. Your existence is only acknowledged only when they need your services. Or they only call you when they need to chill out.

They Never Announced the Relationship Status

A friend who is only there for the benefit will never talk about relationship status. You just met, shared great moments, and got intimate. It then became a norm. For instance, now, you are meeting every weekend for a drink or wanderlust experience.

Your Thoughts Revolve Around the Bed

Do you only feel attached when you come together? Or identify yourselves as friends when indoors? Also, develop mutual relationships when you get intimate.

That’s a sign that what you share is nothing more than a friends-with-benefits relationship. If you never get the care outdoors but indoors, find out if you’re in the right kind of friendship.

You Don’t Have Any Future Plans

You’re close and get intimacy often, but you never planned anything together. You may have a joint business or something similar of the same interest.

However, the only plans you have are business and benefit-based. You never talk about yourselves and what the future holds for you.

You’re never close when planning your relationship lives. If these features describe your friendship, it’s time you made the right move.



Being Friends Could Turn into Serious Relationship

As mentioned previously, such relationships often turn into committed ones. People find themselves attached emotionally, fall in love, or realize they could be soul mates. A large percentage of this kind of relationship ends in the long term.

Statistics have indicated that friends in this setting often take their relationship to the next level. The friends tend to realize how deeply they are connected within a year or so. Many such friends get into serious relationships, resulting in marriage.

Are Friends with Benefits Really Friends?

Studies indicate that approximately 60 percent of college students had a friends-with-benefits relationship. Learners like this kind of friendship because it allows them to explore their sexual life without getting committed. Yes, many of them share great sexual escapades with no strings attached.

So, can friends in this relationship indeed be friends? That depends on a variety of issues. However, the friends involved are the determiners. Also, how and where the friends meet determines the friendship level.

The drive behind the relationship also determines whether the two can genuinely be friends. In other words, many are lovers in denial. They love each other but aren’t courageous enough to voice it out.

The cases have increased recently. It’s becoming the option for people that don’t want commitment. Many people see it as an alternative to marriage. The increase in divorce cases and reports of unhappily married couples have enabled the growth of these relationships.

Females and males alike don’t want to get attached for fear of the negatives surrounding normal relationships. The truth is that society has not yet recognized this kind of relationship.

Sadly, there could be a jealous party that might trap the other with unnecessary demands. So, not all people in these relationships are true friends.

Luckily, there is a way out by talking things out. Communication plays a significant role in straightening things out without conflict.


Most people don’t understand how it works and why anyone would participate in such an arrangement. However, there are real benefits attached to having this sort of relationship. So why not have a friend with benefits?

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Lana Smith

I am a relationship coach. My passion is helping couples make their relationships work. I earned my bachelor's degree and hold a Master of Science in Education. I take my inspiration from watching and listening to people every day. . I do extensive research and love to compare the opinions of experts to help form my own. I have spent years learning about the dynamics of relationships and what makes them work. My goal is to apply what I have learned in the classroom and through experience to help others.