Home » Marriage Help » 5 Tips to End the Toxic Relationship

5 Tips to End the Toxic Relationship

5 Tips to End a Toxic Relationship Today, around 39 percent of relationships end in divorce. Divorce is often the best course of action regarding toxic relationships.

Once you are in a toxic marriage or affair, it can ruin all aspects of your happiness and mental health. Unless you are smart enough to end this relationship immediately, you can lose years of your life to a harmful person.

What Is a Toxic Relationship?

At its heart, a toxic relationship is one where you do not feel loved and supported. The other person may demean or attack you. If a relationship generally makes you feel worse, it is considered a toxic relationship.

Marital affairs are toxic because it is impossible to have an honest, trusting relationship when one person is cheating.

Unfortunately, toxic relationships are extremely common. You can find toxic relationships other than unhealthy marriages and affairs at work or school.

Sometimes, relationships with family members and friends are also toxic. You are not in a healthy partnership if you feel threatened physically, mentally, or emotionally.

Bad and toxic relationships
Young couple quarreling outdoors. Harmful and toxic relationships concept

Over the years, researchers have found that certain conditions and experiences can make you more likely to end up in a toxic relationship. If you have suffered from major depression, bipolar disorder, or other mental illnesses, you are more likely to end up with a toxic partner. Likewise, a history of childhood trauma can make you more susceptible to toxic relationships.

While toxic relationships can harm anyone, they are more likely to affect certain people. Often, narcissists and controlling partners know how to find people who are more likely to put up with their bad behavior. They will deliberately manipulate and demean you until they completely break you down.

The Types of Toxic Relationships

There are many different kinds of toxic relationships. While toxic relationships can be the fault of both partners, they can also be caused by one person. If someone constantly argues with you or makes critical remarks, you may be dealing with a toxic partner. Sometimes, this is a problem at work instead of in romantic relationships.

Unfortunately, some people do not realize how their behaviors affect the people around them. If they grew up in a toxic family, they might think about how they usually act. These cases are sad to deal with because the toxic person may never be able to break the cycle. As a result, they will never get to have happy, fulfilling relationships.

While some people do not understand how to have healthy relationships, other partners deliberately try to say rude or mean things. Even when you try to change how you live, you may feel like you will never live up to their expectations. Unfortunately, you are probably right because no one will ever be exactly what they want.

There are many different types of toxic relationships. Each type can negatively impact your cardiovascular, happiness, and mental health. If you are in a toxic relationship, you may have encountered one of the following kinds of partners before.

People at Work

Co-workers and bosses can have a toxic influence on your life. If you are constantly dealing with a toxic co-worker, you may want to ask your boss for a different cubicle. You can also try reporting the person to your supervisor or ignoring them until they realize you are not interested in being around them.

Sociopaths and Narcissists

Experts think that up to 5 percent of people are narcissists. These individuals are self-centered people who must put down others to feel good about themselves. They may insult you or say mean things so that you feel worthless.

Narcissists and sociopaths want to feel superior to everyone they are around. Because of this, they can never admit when they are wrong. While some people know they are rude and cruel, other narcissists cannot understand how you feel. The only way to deal with a narcissist is to move on. You cannot change them, so you must protect yourself from emotional abuse and end the relationship.

Friends and Family Members

It can be tough to deal with a toxic family member. Unlike a romantic partner or a friend, you are essentially stuck with your family members. You should limit your time with toxic family members and friends if you can. While you can also recommend that they go to therapy, they may not listen to your recommendation.

10 Sign of toxic relationship

What Are 10 Signs of a Toxic Relationship?

It would be best to watch out for many signs when you begin a new relationship or partnership. Generally, your relationship should give you more happiness than sadness. If you are constantly feeling depressed or upset because of your relationship, it is probably a toxic partnership.

1. Your Self-esteem Drops

Toxic relationships tend to impact your self-esteem negatively. Often, your partner will demean or insult you. Each time you are insulted, you feel like you can never measure up to their expectations. As a result, they can gradually whittle away at your confidence level.

This is especially common when you are in a marital affair. The guy knows he is a cheater, and he is also aware that you could leave him whenever you feel like it. His goal is to make you feel like you could never do better than him. The last thing he wants is for you to become confident enough to leave him.

2. A Great Deal of Time Is Spent Cheering Them Up

This kind of behavior is especially common among narcissists. When you are with a narcissist, the entire world revolves around them. Because of this, you are responsible for their happiness and mental health. Instead of feeling supported in the relationship, you feel your time is spent cheering them up.

3. You Do Not Feel Supported or Understood

Because you spend all your time supporting your toxic partner, you do not feel understood or supported in the relationship. Even if you bring this up, your partner will try turning the tables and making it your fault. No matter what you do, you never seem to win. This is especially common in affairs because it is impossible to support someone while keeping them a secret.

4. You Give More Than You Get

Because you give more than you get, you tend to feel depleted all the time. You feel you are not valued for your true contribution to the relationship. Instead, they take all your energy and happiness without giving you anything in return.

5. You Have to Walk on Eggshells

It would be best to be on guard even when you want to come home and relax. Anything you say could set them off. Instead of enjoying your time together, you are constantly performing a role.

6. You Feel Disrespected

In a healthy partnership, both partners respect each other. They provide unconditional love and support. If your partner dismisses your ideas or demeans you, they do not disrespect you. You will never be able to have a relationship as equals if your relationship is not based on mutual respect for one another.

7. You Are Always the Person Who Gets Blamed

In a toxic relationship, it is never the other person’s fault. Even when they do something wrong, they will try to turn things around so that it is your fault. Over time, this negative cycle can cause you to lose confidence in yourself.

8. You Feel Angry After Talking to Them

A toxic relationship can make you feel demeaned and disrespected. Unsurprisingly, these people will generally make you feel angry, depressed, or exhausted after you talk to them. Instead of enjoying time with a friend or spouse, you dread every minute of being together.

9. You Make Each Other Worse

When you are in a healthy relationship, both partners will always bring out the best in each other. In a toxic relationship, you will only bring out the worst in each other. For instance, they may make you feel meaner or more competitive. In essence, you do not like who you are when you are together.

10. You Do Not Feel Safe

Often, toxic marriages and partnerships merely hurt your emotional and mental health. Unfortunately, some relationships can also harm your physical health as well. If you do not feel safe, you are in a toxic relationship.

Tips for Ending a Toxic Relationship

No one deserves to be in a toxic relationship. If you are in a toxic marriage, affair, friendship, or partnership, you should end the relationship as quickly as possible. Otherwise, the relationship will eventually impact your long-term happiness and mental health.

While toxic friendships and work relationships are easy to end, breaking up a toxic marriage can be challenging. Often, people spend years investing energy and resources into their marriage.

When they finally realize the marriage needs to end, they already have houses, retirement accounts, cars, and families to divide up. Because of this, many spouses will remain in bad relationships for years.

They do not want to divide up the world they have carefully built, but there is no other way forward.

ending toxic relationship
Know When to Walk Away

Sometimes, people have to end toxic relationships with married men or women. When you are in an affair with a married man, it is unlikely he will ever leave his partner. Each moment you spend with him will only increase your emotional attachment and make going even harder.

You deserve a relationship with someone who can love and support you unconditionally. Whether you are in a bad marriage or a toxic relationship with a married man, you can do a few things to take charge of your life. By using the following five tips, you can take the first step in taking back your life.

1. Pay Attention to How They Behave

Previously, we covered the signs you are in a toxic relationship. For example, does your partner belittle or demean you? Do you feel you give more than you get out of the relationship?

You likely have already noticed signs that this relationship is unsuitable for you. If you are in an illicit affair, you have probably seen subtle lies or gestures showing how he feels. You should pay attention to your partner’s body language, words, and actions. These details tell you how he thinks and feels about your relationship.

2. Remember That People Do Not Change

If you are in an affair, you should remember that people rarely change. When a relationship begins because someone is cheating, they will most likely continue to cheat. Even if he leaves his wife for you right now, he will turn around and do the same thing to you later.

The same thing is true for any behavior. Your personality primarily develops before you turn 30 years old. While you will continue to learn and grow over the rest of your life, the main factors that make up your personality are already reasonably stable by age 30.

This means your toxic marriage or harmful friendship is unlikely to change at any point. If your spouse does not respect you and deliberately tries to make you feel bad, he is unlikely to change that behavior. Instead of expecting the impossible, it is time to move on.

3. Surround Yourself With Positive People

Before you end the relationship, take some time to surround yourself with positive influences. Toxic people require vast amounts of energy and time. You must fill that time with other activities and people when you complete the relationship. In addition, it is easier to get over a relationship if you can stay busy with good friends and family members.

4. Make Reconnecting Impossible

Once the relationship is over, it should remain around. If you are lucky enough to get away from a toxic marriage or affair, you should run away and never look back. He may be unwilling to lose you, so you may need to block him from your social media.

Other than blocking him online, you should also stop him from calling your phone. Avoid going there if you usually see each other at a cafe or gym. You need to make it impossible for him to reach out to you again so that you can have a chance to heal and move on.

Toxic people are like energy vampires. They will refuse to move on because they need your love and support. Unless you cut them off, they will do everything they can to entice their way back into your life.

5. Stay Strong

Human beings are wired for emotional connections. In a toxic affair or a bad marriage, you most likely develop a strong emotional attachment to the other person. It is only natural that you would feel pulled in his direction after you break up with each other.

You must stay strong no matter how much you want to reach out to him. Do not text him. If you text or call him again, you will never be able to get away from him again. It takes great strength to end a toxic relationship, but it is possible. Once you have managed to move past the relationship, you will be able to find happiness again.

What to Say When Ending a Toxic Relationship

Unfortunately, ending a toxic affair or relationship can be pretty tricky. Sometimes, people need help getting out of unhealthy relationships. You should ask your friends and family for assistance if this is the case. You can even talk to a therapist about the best approach to your toxic partner.

Many organizations can help you escape physical abuse, so do not hesitate to contact them. In some cases, you may need to document abusive behavior. Then, you can get a restraining order.

The first step for most toxic affairs and relationships is talking to your partner. If you plan on continuing the relationship, you can suggest going to therapy together. No matter what your ultimate goal is, you should explain how you feel. Discuss the behaviors that keep getting repeated over and over again.

When talking to someone about difficult topics, it is generally better to focus on how you feel in response to specific behaviors. These conversations tend to go smoother if you avoid making the other person feel defensive. Unfortunately, it is not always possible to avoid offending a toxic partner.

Whether you are ending an affair or a long-term relationship, your partner is unlikely to take the news well. Once you have finished the conversation, you may want to ask friends and family members for help. Your friends can offer you emotional support. They may also be able to help you find a new place to stay.

The most important thing is to cut off any communication with the toxic individual. Talking to them will stop you from healing. Additionally, narcissists and toxic partners typically become enraged when feeling rejected.

By being around your toxic partner after the affair ends, you could end up putting yourself in harm’s way. Because of this, you should do everything you can to stop communicating with them.

Healing After the End of a Toxic Relationship

When you are in an affair, the other person knows how to demean you and make you feel unworthy of a healthy relationship. Your partner knows what he is doing. He can keep you in a toxic relationship by making you feel unworthy.

Over time, you will have to work on healing. Because toxic affairs and relationships hurt your self-esteem, you should focus on increasing self-confidence. Try to find activities that make you feel better about yourself. For example, you may want to exercise or relax with your loved ones.

The best thing you can do is spend your time with positive influences. If you are still trying to rebuild human friendships after an affair ends, you can always spend time with animals instead. Pets are great for emotional support because they are naturally good at providing unconditional love and companionship.

You can also meet people by participating in a new hobby or trying a different activity. Some people enroll in a class at their local community college. Besides helping you meet people, these activities significantly improve your self-esteem.

The most important thing is to move on. Your happiness should always come first. Ending a toxic relationship is the hardest part. To avoid toxic relationships in the future, you should take some time to think about your boundaries. Once it is over, you can create the connection and lifestyle you deserve.

Photo of author

Angela Doel

Angela M. Doel has researched and written about mental health problems that impact relationships, such as navigating divorce, rebuilding relationships, enhancing communication, and overcoming sex addiction. She published The Couples Communication Workbook: Therapeutic Homework Assignments to Foster Supportive Relationships (2020, Between Sessions Resources, Inc.).

Leave a Comment