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16 Signs Your Husband Is No Longer Attracted to You

Have you noticed signs that your husband isn’t attracted to you anymore? The key is knowing how to read these signs.

When a marriage is solid, a couple’s bond is unbreakable. No amount of temptation or stress can crack through. But even great unions have difficulties. No marriage is immune to a rough patch or a period of doubt. In this guide, you’ll discover uncomfortably accurate signs that he’s just not into you anymore.

You and your husband used to be this way: unbreakable. Other red flags make sense as you feel him pulling away from you.

Is YOUR husband not attracted to YOU anymore?

Questions, doubts, and heartache fill your mind. You might recognize many of these signs as you ponder this important question.

Sign #16: He Looks at Other Women

Husband checking out other woman
Just because you catch your husband looking at another woman doesn’t mean he isn’t attracted to you. However, eyes that constantly wander or stares that linger could be signs of trouble. 

You’ve seen him look past you at other women around you when you’re out together. He’s not looking at you anymore; he’s looking at them. Men are visual creatures, and attractive women sometimes catch your husband’s eyes. It will happen even in a good marriage because that’s how men are built.

When a man is in love, other women may look good for a moment. But his wife is attractive beyond looks, and she means everything. When you see his gaze wander, you feel hurt and wonder what it means for your marriage.

Sign #15: You Don’t Talk Much Anymore

You used to talk for hours when you first started dating. That didn’t happen as much when you were newlyweds, but you still talked.

Now you hardly speak to each other, even when you start a conversation. Your husband gives short answers and doesn’t initiate much conversation with you. After living together as a married couple, small talk is mixed with silence. It’s common for couples to run out of things to say to each other from time to time. In your marriage, this seems different. Your husband doesn’t talk much about plans and goals for the future.

Instead, each topic is shallow and only about short-term activities. This sign might make you question if you’re losing touch with your husband or, worse, the possibility that your marriage may be ending.

Sign #14: You Wonder if He’s Cheating on You

Suspicious husband may be cheating
The less attention your husband gives you, the more you may wonder if he’s giving attention to someone else.

After getting little attention from your husband, you wonder if he is cheating on you. Is he even committed to your marriage anymore? Has he taken his disinterest in you to the next level? Is he talking to someone behind your back?

Marriages go through ups and downs, and it’s not uncommon to wonder if your spouse has been unfaithful or has started to develop feelings with someone outside your marriage. The foundation of your marriage depends on trust.

If you sense him pulling away from you and see other red flags, it may be time to have a serious conversation with your husband.

Sign #13: He Doesn’t Look at You Much Anymore

Your husband used to look forward to seeing you get ready to go out. His eyes would light up, and you could tell he would enjoy looking at you all evening.

Things are different now, and you hardly catch his gaze anymore. Even when you try to look nice, he looks past you. If he does compliment you, it feels shallow with little meaning.

When a couple is first dating, they often can’t wait to lay eyes on each other. This impulse naturally dies down when people are together for a long time. However, if your husband isn’t looking forward to seeing you around anymore, you may feel hurt and lonely.

Sign #12: You No Longer Have Date Nights

Lonely wife with no date
You feel sad and lonely when you reminisce about the dates you used to enjoy with your husband.

Date nights have been a fun ritual in your marriage. Movies, trivia night, dinner, a walk in the park, and sometimes a surprise date were in the mix.

You and your husband both looked forward to these fun getaways. Instead of providing a spark in your week, the thought of date night makes you sad and lonely. You miss it and don’t know if your husband cares to get it back.

Date nights are a way to get much-needed couple time. That doesn’t change when you get married. These dedicated blocks of time are essential for your relationship.

Sign #11: He Makes Negative Comments About Your Appearance

If your husband won’t say something nice, why is he saying anything?

His negative comments about your looks seemed out of place at first. Now, he says these things all the time!

Maybe you don’t dress as nicely as when you were dating. Perhaps your appearance has changed since you first got together, but so has your husband’s.

You don’t understand why he has turned so negative. He has seemed accepting of you and all your flaws and told you how beautiful you are many times. Why has this changed now? Why is he so critical? It just hurts to hear these things.

Sign #10: He Acts More Like a Buddy Than Your Husband

Distant husband acting awkward
Your relationship may have become awkward and platonic as he treated you more like “one of the bros.”

So maybe he isn’t ignoring you, but you don’t feel much like a couple anymore. He talks to you like you’re one of his pals, NOT his wife.

The personal, intimate comments he once shared with you have disappeared. Everything he says and does have a platonic friend vibe to it. He doesn’t put his arm around your waist, he doesn’t kiss you anymore, and he doesn’t say anything sensual.

Intimacy can be difficult sometimes, even when couples are in it for the long haul. But this kind of change can feel disturbing like your whole relationship is shifting off-track.

Sign #9: He Avoids Touching You for Any Reason

The spark between you was obvious, and you made a point of getting close every day. Even a random brush against each other felt comfortable and reassuring. These days, he seems to avoid you. He steers clear of you when he comes into a room. No random brushes, hugs, affection, or accidental touches make him step back.

You long to be next to your husband, even for a moment. When you initiate and get closer, he pulls away and keeps his distance. He seems cold and distant, like you’ve never seen before. At this point, you may even begin questioning his love for you.

Sign #8: He Doesn’t Make Plans With You

Wife excluded by husband
You may begin to feel excluded as your husband spends more time with his co-workers and friends without including or making the time for you.

You’ve each led your own lives with work and social circles. You either spent a cozy night at home with a favorite movie, went out on a date, or squeezed in lunch during the week. But no matter what, you always ensured you had time with each other.

Sometimes married couples feel a little lost about the future. Your husband hasn’t been interested in catching lunch for months and doesn’t talk about vacations anymore. Looking ahead and knowing what you want out of life seems complicated. After all, everyone goes through times when they don’t want to commit too far into the future.

He may have lost interest in you, but he may also face a different struggle in his own life.

Sign #7: His Mind is Elsewhere

You and your husband used to have conversations daily, and he liked being around you. Now, even when he’s with you physically, his mind is elsewhere. He is distracted, and it seems harsh to get his attention.

Your husband may have a hundred reasons for not paying attention when you’re around. You’re left to wonder without an honest conversation about his distracted behavior. Has he lost interest in you? Does he wish he were with someone else?

Sign #6: He Turns Down Intimacy

Husband turns down intimacy
A lack of intimacy can be one of the more frustrating and embarrassing signs your husband isn’t attracted to you, especially if you were once smothered in love and affection. 

You both used to look forward to intimate private time with each other. Sometimes you got things started, and other times he did. Either way, you both got what you wanted – the physical and emotional intimacy that kept your fire burning for each other.

Your husband NEVER turned you down before. Now you seem to strike out every time you try. He also doesn’t initiate anymore. Your love life with your husband is dead in the water, and you seem to be the only one bothered by this change.

Sign #5: He Doesn’t Compliment You Anymore

You don’t hear an occasional “You look nice today” anymore from your husband. Sometimes he’d even suggest you wear that certain top or pair of pants that made you look extra cute. Not anymore.

Your husband says nothing about your looks. He used to enjoy seeing you, but now you feel less valuable, less noticeable. Sure, you don’t want to go fishing for compliments, but when you make an extra effort, it would be nice to hear a kind word!

Sign #4: He Becomes Easily Irritated When You’re Around

Husband irritated by wife
It’s hard to avoid arguments when it seems like even your presence irritates your husband.

Every married couple feels irritation at times. You know this is normal – some things about your husband still drive you crazy, and NOT in a good way. But overall, you’ve been able to look past those issues and have gotten closer. Right now, you feel like you’re walking on eggshells. You can’t figure out what you’re doing to upset him, and even the right things seem wrong. Just walking into the room seems to set him off.

You’ve started to avoid him so you don’t feel so uncomfortable… When did it get like this, and how long can you keep living this way?

Sign #3: He Goes Through the Motions With Intimacy and Affection

You can tell he isn’t into you anymore. Your husband is trying to hide it, but it’s clear that he’s going through the motions. He hugs you when you expect it and kisses you when you approach him: no passion, no feeling, just actions. Even when you’re intimate, everything seems so scripted and typical.

He is ready to move on. Instead of holding each other and lingering in your warm embrace, he lets you know it’s over. It’s normal for couples to go through periods of closeness and distance, especially with intimacy. No couple is ever 100% on for months or years.

Getting through these times can be difficult, especially when one rejects intimacy altogether.

Sign #2: He Isn’t Around Much Anymore

Absent husband working late
If your husband is constantly working late, you may begin to question his priorities and his desire to spend time with you.

Your husband is busy with friends, work, and other activities. You’ve always known this, but he’s also made time for you. During his busyness, you didn’t feel left out or neglected. You knew your time was a priority for him.

Things have changed, and now he doesn’t fit you into his schedule anymore. There’s always a reason he can’t be home for supper. He tells you to go out with your friends instead or that he has extra work to catch up on.

You feel neglected and unimportant. You wish you could get the old life back, but you don’t know how.

Sign #1: He Avoids Being Alone With You

Your husband is always in and out for work. And when you go out, it’s always with others.

You’ve noticed it’s never just the two of you anymore. When it is, he heads off to a different room or gets ready for bed. If you try to join him, he finds a reason to end what he’s doing and take off again. Intimacy is more than just physical closeness. Being emotionally close means being vulnerable and open to your partner.

If your husband doesn’t spend time alone anymore, he may have difficulty facing his feelings when you are near.

Wrapping Up

Marriage communication about attraction
Tough talks about sensitive subjects are important for any healthy, long-term relationship.

Once you see these signs, it’s hard to deny what’s happening. Your husband is pulling away from you more and more each day. Instead of sitting back and watching your marriage crumble, step up and start talking about it.

It won’t be easy, and you may not like what you hear. But trust, honesty, and communication are the foundation for every good marriage. And knowing the truth is an excellent place to start.

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Jennifer Tanaka

Jennifer is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker with a passion for helping couples struggling within their marriage, relationship, or during the divorce process.

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