You can’t stand your husband anymore!
It’s hard to narrow down exactly why you feel this way, but everything he does gets on your nerves. You haven’t seen eye-to-eye in a while and it’s not getting better.
Meanwhile, your husband doesn’t understand why you keep complaining about the same things. He thinks you are too emotional sometimes, but you know there’s more to it.
If you’re looking for more clarity, take a look at the following examples.
While these descriptions don’t cover all possible reasons why you can’t stand your husband anymore, you’ll gain better insight into their perspective.
Following this, your next conversation with your husband could be totally different.
Top Reasons Why Women Can’t Stand and Resent Their Husbands
He is Lazy and Doesn’t Help Around the House
Both husbands and wives enjoy relaxation time. However, when there’s work to be done, husbands and wives tend to see things differently.
Many younger couples split housework evenly compared to their older counterparts. However, some men are not interested in taking care of daily tasks. It’s not necessarily at the top of their minds, so when a wife feels things are in disarray, a husband may not be able to see that.
Most husbands take care of things when asked. However, wives appreciate more initiative and less waiting around. You feel frazzled and your husband is just chilling out. This results in nagging and an even stronger resistance from your husband.
You get the impression your husband is lazy and blind to the household needs.
He is Not Involved When it Comes to Parenting
Do you hover over your husband telling him how he needs to do things? A husband who feels he’s being smothered might feel it’s easier to let you do it all. He might feel he’s going to screw things up, so why even try?
Most husbands let their wives be in charge when it comes to parenting.
Their lack of involvement may come from the way he was brought up, doing what his father did, which might have been very minimal.
They may feel more at ease letting you do it all. He believes you know best when it comes to parenting.
Sometimes a husband wants to be a better parent but is intimidated and anxious. He may not know how to let you know he’s not confident enough. To a wife who really wants their husband involved, all of the above reasons can still produce frustration.
Without understanding some of the reasons behind a husbands’ actions, you may only see his reluctance to help out.
He Doesn’t Listen to You
Men are fixers. They see problems and they take care of them.
Due to their interest in sports and other competitive activities, this type of focus is continually emphasized. What’s often not taught to men are good listening skills.
Listening does not seem like an activity with a clear outcome. While some men are naturally talkative, girls are often accepted as being social and conversational.
In many ways, societal biases give direction by reinforcing more listening, communicative qualities with girls and more physical activities with boys. So later on when a man is grown and his wife needs a listening ear, he’s not up for it.
Men are more likely to be looking for problems they can tackle hands-on instead of listening or engaging in a meaningful conversation.
He Spends More Time With His Friends or Other Activities Than He Does With You
Time with friends is important for both husband and wife.
But when a man over-prioritizes social time with his friends, he may not realize the impact it has on his marriage.
Co-worker relationships can lead to lots of after-hour activities.
A man with many friends may feel he’s missing out if he doesn’t regularly keep up with them.
He might dismiss his wife’s desire for quality time together. He doesn’t feel man enough canceling plans with buddies just to stay home with his wife.
This makes a woman feel alone and left out.
He Prioritizes His Needs Over Yours
Two people will hardly ever agree on everything. But for a marriage to work, both partners need to respect each other’s priorities and provide support when needed.
Most men get comfortable with having their wives do everything and offer nothing in return. To compensate, a man may feel he does other things in the relationship. He may think he doesn’t need to extend extra effort to keep his wife satisfied.
To a wife, this looks like bailing out.
Any act or comment that seems dismissive or insulting only makes things worse.
A man might disagree on what’s really important and not see things from his wife’s perspective. Instead, he sees the situation as one-sided.
When this goes on for too long, resentment can set in.
Can Your Issues Be Fixed?
You may wonder why you and your husband keep having the same problems over and over again. Is it possible to save a frustrating and strained marriage like yours?
Yes, it is.
Many marital conflicts can be solved with a commitment from both spouses. Don’t worry, it’s normal to feel like you can’t stand and frustrated with your husband many times over the years. It’s part of having a long-term relationship.
Your husband’s actions may look like the biggest problem in your marriage. However, most marital conflict occurs as a result of hurtful dynamics and patterns between the two of you.
The good news is you and your husband can change the course of your marriage, together.
Here Are Some Common Problems in Most Marriages
Communication problems cover a wide range of behaviors. A few observations and adjustments on your end could help change harmful patterns between the two of you. Ask yourself these questions:
- What is our biggest communication problem?
- What does it look like?
- What do I want to happen instead?
- What can I do differently to have a different result?
Here’s an example:
Let’s say your husband frequently walks away in the middle of arguments. Asking the above questions reveals some important details. Does he walk away once the attention comes to his actions?
He gets angry, dismisses your comment, and walks away. He won’t resume the conversation, no matter what. You wish it was easier to talk about things that frustrate you.
In this situation, it may be more helpful to get him aware of it. He may not know he’s doing it and the impact it has on you. You can both learn how your actions have created this harmful cycle.
Healthy communication is essential to turn this around.
Once you both build some positive communication skills, all the other problems become easier to solve. Communication is key.
Problems With His Family Members
You and your husband are a unit.
He needs to stand up for you when people treat you poorly. While you may not have the in-laws of your dreams, his intervention can limit bad behaviors on their behalf.
Some husbands don’t feel comfortable standing up to their families, which creates tension in their marriages. Encourage your husband to speak with his family about a situation that upsets you, even if he’s not comfortable doing it.
If you and your husband communicate well and stick together, you will figure out a solution.
Working too Many Hours
Some husbands work a lot because their job is demanding. Other husbands want to avoid the stress at home so they pour themselves into their work. An honest conversation about this can help you get the clarity you need.
If money is not an issue, ask your husband to work fewer hours or change his schedule around in a way that works for both of you.
If your husband is working overtime just to avoid being at home, talk with him about his frustrations.
Listen and find ways to fix the issue as a team.
Lack of Affection and Sexual Intimacy
If you ask a couple about sex and affection, most people will respond and feel differently.
Stress, sleep, work, illness, and family duties all have an effect on a couple’s sex life.
When a person is interested in being intimate with their partner but gets pushed away often, there can be frustration and resentment.
Intimacy requires communication.
A spark alone won’t help if you aren’t able to share your concerns and frustrations with each other.
Are you or your partner overwhelmed with something that interferes with affection and sex? What helps you get into a positive, loving mood around your husband?
Whatever your situation, be ready to listen and adjust your expectations.
Before talking about an important subject, be sure you are both calm and there is privacy.
If you try to talk about a situation when you are both angry, the discussion will be guided solely by emotion.
Speak clearly and directly. It’s easy to beat around the bush, but you must get your point across effectively. This will encourage a more natural back and forth interaction.
Keep the conversation on one topic and don’t switch subjects. Conflict can involve more than one situation or topic and its easy to get distracted.
Make note of any additional topics you may need to discuss. Finally, make an effort to reach a resolution on the current topic before ending the conversation.
Reasons to Walk Away from Your Marriage
Drug Addiction and an Unwillingness to Seek Help
Addiction is a serious and destructive problem. It can put an enormous strain on any marriage.
A person struggling with addiction will do anything to satisfy their cravings.
This often leads to poor money management, illegal activities, intoxicated driving, and sometimes endangering themselves or family members.
This can break any marriage apart. You can save your marriage if your husband is willing to seek help. It takes support and effort, but some marriages can’t be rebuilt.
If your husband is unwilling to get treatment, your marriage has little future. Untreated addiction problems can ruin your husband’s life and destroy your marriage.
You are No Longer in Love
There’s a difference between loving someone and being in love with them. Most couples are in love before marriage but fall out of love after marriage. When times get tough, the spark grows dim.
Ups and downs are normal in marriages. With the right commitment and effort, you may be able to revive the energy and restore the connection with your husband.
However, some people simply grow apart. If the spark goes out for too long, it might not return no matter how hard you try.
Realizing you’re not in love with your husband anymore might be the reality check you need to walk away.
You Can’t Stand Your Husband Touching You
For most couples, the spark goes out more quickly for one person than the other.
You might find yourself not only uninterested in sex, but averse to him even touching you.
Sexual intimacy requires trust and some level of emotional closeness. Without these emotional elements, physical touch loses its meaning.
When a couple grows apart, intimacy becomes difficult to maintain. Emotional intimacy is key, and if you’ve gone a while feeling distant, it may take a while getting close again. You and your husband may feel it’s not worth it. It may be time to walk away.
Physical and Emotional Abuse
Any type of abuse is a total red flag. Either the abuse ends or the marriage does.
If you experience physical, verbal, or sexual violence, your safety is at risk. Even if the abuse is only verbal, it can lead to physical violence. It is only a matter of time before it escalates into something life-threatening.
Saving a marriage after breaking a cycle of abuse is rare. In nearly every case, the abuse survivor is better off walking away.
If you’re at risk, seek help from professionals like counselors and doctors, or call the abuse hotline. They will know how to discreetly help you out of the abusive situation.
Can You Save Your Marriage?
Marriages are hard work, and sometimes the effort brings about much needed change. Many problems that seem overwhelming can be solved with good communication and cooperation.
While many troubled marriages can be saved, some spouses decide it’s better to end the marriage instead of fighting one more battle. Some issues can be too tough to fix, even deal-breakers. It’s up to every struggling couple to make this choice for themselves.
Now the ball is back in your court.
Is your marriage worth saving or is it time to walk away?