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12 Ways How to Fix a Broken Marriage (Do’s and Don’ts, FAQ)

Despite the overwhelming nature of this feat, the truth is you can fix marriages and end a serious relationship or broken relationship or failing marriage eventually.

If you and your partner are honest and committed to your marriage and making the right changes, you can have a happy marriage and save it from divorce.

Here, we’ll walk you through what you can do now to mend a broken marriage, work through the damage, start the healing process of an unhappy marriage, and talk about other critical components to fixing your relationship and marriage that are often overlooked.

12 WAYS TO FIX A BROKEN MARRIAGE

1. Determine What Made You Fall in Love in the First Place

How to fix a broken marriage

First, let’s get back to basics. What about one another do you adore the most? What was it about your spouse that made you initially interested in them? 

It is essential to the mending process that you make a conscious effort to reflect on your true feelings about such things now! Writing these feelings and reasons down may even be more helpful to you in the future.

Chances are you hope they realize you’re still that same person deep down, but know it is easy to become desensitized to the traits and qualities you love and respect most about one another over the years.

2. Reflect on What Has Made Your Marriage Feel Broken

Have you grown apart? Has life gotten in the way? Where did things go wrong? 

Identifying and understanding the cause of trust issues failing marriage and what made your partner and marriage feel hurt and broken will help you to tackle the root of the issue. You will be able to fix a broken marriage.

If you need a little help in determining what happened and the point where things in marriage went south, consider if any of the following four reasons that commonly contribute to broken marriages have played a role person’s point in your marriage struggles:

  1. A lack of communication
  2. A Lack of care and affection
  3. Infidelity
  4. A crisis

A lack of communication can often act as a “gateway” issue. For instance, in some extreme examples, other problems usually follow when communication breaks down, such as lack of care and affection and infidelity.

In terms of a crisis (i.e., death in the family, sudden illness or financial issues, etc.), the couple’s love, patience, and support of one another will be tested. It is not uncommon for one or both spouses to feel let down by their partner in such situations.

3. Practice Effective Listening Skills

Married Couple Communicating Discontent

Perhaps you have heard this one before, but are you giving it your sincere and best effort? The truth is only you will know the answer to that.

The better our listening and communication skills, the more equipped we are to develop healthy, happy, and fulfilling relationships.

Carefully listen to your significant other and expect the same from them. Hone this skill by:

  1. They are showing genuine interest. Very few people will share their inner thoughts or emotions unless they feel the listener truly cares for them.
  2. You are occasionally commenting. Give summary statements as you listen, assuring the individual that you understand their message.
  3. You are reading nonverbal messages. Since the majority of our communication is expressed through nonverbal cues, being able to decipher these signals will benefit your relationship.
  4. You are setting aside your emotional reaction. To listen successfully, setting aside your emotional responses and concentrating on comprehending your partner’s message is essential.

4. Never Let Distractions Hinder Your Progress

It’s too easy for children, careers, and other responsibilities to get in the way of your marriage. Life is busy!

It is imperative for your success that you and your spouse make time for one another and keep the right attitude, despite how hectic your lives may be. 

5. Find a Way to Reconnect

How to fix a broken marriage

Consider what it would take for you to rekindle a connection.

Make each other a priority and reconnect through a date night or a planned event solely for the two of you.

Commit to spending some time together exclusively daily, even if it’s just ten minutes before bed. This may help to fix your issues. 

Even after separation, finding ways to reconnect again is crucial when fixing a marriage.

6. Engage A Common Friend to Serve as A Mediator

Perhaps every time you try to speak, a shouting battle ensues. Engage a neutral third person to assist you and your opponent in having a good discussion.

Set the settings for the dialogue before you begin. This individual should have acquaintance with both of you and have no prejudices toward either of you. Because you welcomed the mediator into the issue, you must get prepared and watchful not to have any ill will against them.

They are not at fault if you disagree with what they say or do since they are not experts and are just trying to assist you. Listen to your spouse’s words, be receptive to their communication, avoid interruptions, and speak softly.

The mediator must call you out when the talk becomes a blame game or gets out of control. Pause, reset, and listen. You might consider working with a skilled mediator if you cannot follow these principles.

7. Take A Break

A lack of communication can often act as a “gateway” issue. For instance, in some extreme examples, other problems usually follow when communication breaks down, such as lack of care and affection and infidelity.

In terms of a crisis (i.e., death in the family, sudden illness or financial issues, etc.), the couple’s love, patience, and support of one another will be tested. It is not uncommon for one or both spouses to feel let down by their partner in such situations.

3. Practice Effective Listening Skills

Married Couple Communicating Discontent

Perhaps you have heard this one before, but are you giving it your sincere and best effort? The truth is only you will know the answer to that.

The better our listening and communication skills, the more equipped we are to develop healthy, happy, and fulfilling relationships.

Carefully listen to your significant other and expect the same from them. Hone this skill by:

  1. They are showing genuine interest. Very few people will share their inner thoughts or emotions unless they feel the listener truly cares for them.
  2. You are occasionally commenting. Give summary statements as you listen, assuring the individual that you understand their message.
  3. You are reading nonverbal messages. Since the majority of our communication is expressed through nonverbal cues, being able to decipher these signals will benefit your relationship.
  4. You are setting aside your emotional reaction. To listen successfully, setting aside your emotional responses and concentrating on comprehending your partner’s message is essential.

4. Never Let Distractions Hinder Your Progress

It’s too easy for children, careers, and other responsibilities to get in the way of your marriage. Life is busy!

It is imperative for your success that you and your spouse make time for one another and keep the right attitude, despite how hectic your lives may be. 

5. Find a Way to Reconnect

How to fix a broken marriage

Consider what it would take for you to rekindle a connection.

Make each other a priority and reconnect through a date night or a planned event solely for the two of you.

Commit to spending some time together exclusively daily, even if it’s just ten minutes before bed. This may help to fix your issues. 

Even after separation, finding ways to reconnect again is crucial when fixing a marriage.

6. Engage A Common Friend to Serve as A Mediator

Perhaps every time you try to speak, a shouting battle ensues. Engage a neutral third person to assist you and your opponent in having a good discussion.

Set the settings for the dialogue before you begin. This individual should have acquaintance with both of you and have no prejudices toward either of you. Because you welcomed the mediator into the issue, you must get prepared and watchful not to have any ill will against them.

They are not at fault if you disagree with what they say or do since they are not experts and are just trying to assist you. Listen to your spouse’s words, be receptive to their communication, avoid interruptions, and speak softly.

The mediator must call you out when the talk becomes a blame game or gets out of control. Pause, reset, and listen. You might consider working with a skilled mediator if you cannot follow these principles.

7. Take A Break

It’s difficult not to enjoy a break. You may need to enter the bubble from time to time to recall what you love about each other and relive “when things are nice.” It simplifies establishing communication channels, overcoming hurdles, and settling concerns.

Whether resting on a shore in The Bahamas or skiing in Aspen, traveling may be an excellent way to start healing a broken marriage. Travel promotes teamwork and brings out features in your relationship that could otherwise not be in regular life.

However, you do not have to spend a fortune. Even a short trip to a favorite hotel or a few days away from the burden of household duties, jobs, and children might improve your attitude.

Furthermore, it provides you with time and energy to focus on your relationship, allowing you to relax and concentrate on getting back together.

8. Choose Your Battles

Maintain your calm while dealing with little concerns. Everyone has a list of what is and is not negotiable. A counselor will get to know you as a couple and as people to help you identify your problems, how to express them, how to improve them, and what is most and least essential to you.

If you do it alone, get ready to have some serious discussions about what you can and cannot tolerate. Define which aspects of your marriage belong under which category.

If minor reasons led your marriage to end, try to maintain some perspective and self-awareness. Nobody is flawless, even you and your spouse. It is essential to comprehend others’ needs and have the ability to tolerate their limits if they don’t adversely impact you.

9. Schedule A “Meeting” To Discuss Your Difficulties At Least Once A Week

Weekends are often chosen since less job stress and more energy are available. Use these events to discuss marital concerns, participate in constructive communication, and get to know one another better.

Seeing a relationship coach or another professional specializing in relationships is always a good idea if you have difficulties.

If there are children present, make childcare arrangements and schedule weekly dates so that you can spend meaningful time with your spouse.

10. Take A Course on Communication

You could schedule a lesson in constructive communication. A key step is for partners to develop excellent communication skills, whether they view a free online video or buy a book on the topic.

11. Make Use of a Relationship Self-Help Book

For guidance, consult a relationship self-help book. Find appropriate sections to read aloud to each other to increase self-awareness and emotional closeness. Gina Senarighi’s book, “Love More, Fight Less,” teaches readers how to communicate with their loved ones in a meaningful, caring, and effective way, even when things are difficult.

Suppose you want to go into more detail about fixing a broken marriage. In that case, Dr. Senarighi provides us with the information and skills needed for efficient communication, forming new connections, and healing old wounds. In his book “Casual Play,” Michael Philips gives incisive questions and personal stories on developing lasting relationships. Phillips shows us how to be open, listen, and co-create a pleasant and caring life. He believes our personal life should include several shared attributes with the same partner.

When a love relationship becomes stale, it’s time to let go of what isn’t working and start again. As a relationship progresses over multiple partnerships, it may acquire more playful physical intimacy.

“The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work” has changed how we perceive, mend, and build relationships. Because of his lengthy, multi-year study of couples, John Gottman has a unique capacity to discover patterns that may improve or harm a marriage.

12. Send Each Other Letters


Writing it down before discussing it may help you develop your views quietly and carefully. It also provides you and your partner with a secure area to analyze each other’s points of view and concerns.

Writing letters also makes you think twice before speaking. When there is no mediator present, fair fighting is critical. Noting the issues down allows individuals to go back and double-check that their partner understood them, that they were not using accusatory language, and that they were talking in a way that their partner could comprehend.

Furthermore, it keeps you from shouting and defending yourself, allowing you time to form your opinions.

It may sometimes be as easy as wanting to “spill your ideas” to write everything down. Get rid of the accumulated concerns and emotions.

After summarizing everything, you might determine that some concerns are inconsequential, indicate larger problems, and are not worth discussing.

You may assess the challenges in the marriage from your viewpoint and conclude that you need professional counseling or that the relationship is not worth saving. Nevertheless, you can learn how to fix a broken marriage.

If you decide that you need to vent everything and that discussing it with them isn’t required, you might handle the situation at its most painful stage. Furthermore, writing does not utilize harsh tones, and most individuals moderate accusatory statements.

Marriage rehabilitation is difficult, but it is not impossible. The most straightforward method to keep a good relationship going is to protect it from falling apart in the first place.

Because there is no other option, the advice in this article will undoubtedly bring you and your spouse back on track to fix a broken marriage.

The Do’s and Don’ts of Fixing a Broken Marriage

Fixing Broken Marriage Dos and Donts

While the steps above are helpful and will put you on the right track, they are not enough by themselves…

Instead, practice the steps above and incorporate the following strategies to create a healthier relationship between you and your spouse.  

DO: Pull Your Weight When It Comes to Responsibilities.

Running a household and marriage is a dual effort. This includes cleaning the house, running errands, and helping out with the kids. 

Anything you can do to help your spouse shows you appreciate them. Even if you have a stay-at-home wife, your wife works too, whether you see it or not, so it is essential to still contribute on weekends or days off.

Not contributing and pulling your weight is an easy way to build resentment.

DO: Learn to Take Accountability and Say “I’m sorry” When You’re Wrong

Husband Apologizing to Wife

Accountability for mistakes is a massive component of any healthy relationship, not marriage.

You must do it even if your partner isn’t accountable for their mistakes.

Perhaps you taking responsibility and being the bigger person will ignite the same response in them.

Admitting when you are wrong and offering a sincere apology will show that you want to make things right. Overall, this sends a great message.

DO: Practice Continuous Self-improvement

Whether you’ve let yourself go, picked up some nasty habits, or become short-tempered from a job you dislike, striving to be the best version of yourself in all aspects is essential.

Taking care of yourself first makes you calmer, happier, and lovelier. Therefore, the whole energy surrounding you will sparkle, including your relationship. Believe it or not, people sense your energy. Are you optimistic or pessimistic? 

It is much easier to be when both are happy and respectful compared to someone who is lazy and doesn’t work to be the best version of themselves. 

Self-improvement is far more than physical attraction. You can grow intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually too. Not sure where to start with self-improvement? Check out this post for 42 practical ideas.

DO: Spend Time Alone Together

Couple Spending Time Together Cooking

Spending time alone together is a crucial key to a fulfilling marriage.

Couples need their alone time to bond and be intimate with one another. This alone time allows you to connect and focus solely on one another, even for just twenty minutes!

If you and your spouse are committed to working on your issues, then you and your partner would greatly benefit from checking out some of the best marriage counseling books you can read together.

With your relationship falling apart, being alone with your spouse may sound uncomfortable, but you must be open to it.

Get back to basics and recommend an activity you both enjoyed before the tides turned.

DO: Invest in a Proven System (Accept Help)

Although not an absolute “must,” many people had great success after incorporating the guidance of an online marriage course into their healing process.

We needed something to help get the ball rolling after the momentum from our biweekly counseling appointment had worn off.

Instead of spending twice as much on counseling, we decided to try an online course offering counseling from home.

Learning how to fix a broken marriage isn’t enough – you both must be dedicated to practicing those teachings, and this system can help achieve that.

Don’t: Make a Mountain Out of Molehill

If you and your spouse are heading towards a divorce, you likely aren’t seeing eye to eye on things. If the main priority is to fix your marriage, you must create a peaceful and healthy energy between you and your spouse.

We tend to be the most critical and sensitive when things are rocky. This can lead to us blowing things out of proportion and cause more fights. Next time you’re arguing, ask yourself, “Will this matter a week or two from now?”. 

Conclusion

Remember that healing a broken marriage does not happen in a microwave but rather in a crockpot. Resolving your issues will take time and commitment, so don’t expect a miracle to happen in only a month!

Month’s tips into practice to take the proper steps how to fix a broken marriage and rebuild the love between you and your spouse. 

Frequently Asked Questions

People also ask:

Is It Possible to Mend a Damaged Marriage?

It is possible to save a shattered marriage if you have the drive. Many individuals desire to assess themselves to deal with how to mend a broken marriage.

Can You Repair Broken Marriage on Your Own?

If you still believe your marriage is worth preserving, you may strive to repair it alone. You must make an effort to maintain a journal of the beautiful things that happen in your marriage, to speak about the happy moments with your spouse, and to remind them of the reasons you got together in the first place.

Can I Salvage My Marriage If There is No Trust?

You may be able to reestablish trust after having an affair. According to the American Psychological Association, half of the unfaithful spouses remain married. 

Photo of author

Robert Hughes

Robert helps couples and families alike resolve, accept, and improve turbulence, trauma, and tension within their interpersonal relationships.

15 thoughts on “12 Ways How to Fix a Broken Marriage (Do’s and Don’ts, FAQ)”

  1. I was having some issues with my husband and it was tearing our marriage apart. Without going into much detail, my husband left our home and didn’t want to come back. Shortly after, he began seeking a divorce after I brought up the idea of us going to marital counseling. I tried to make things work between us but he has already made up his mind and chose to leave me for another woman.

  2. I love my wife, I’ve been a subpar husband at best
    She is ready to separate or divorce, I wanna try to fix our marriage since I messed it up
    She’s definitely ok with counseling, however we have insurance thru the state ( nj), and we can’t afford to pay a lot of $$$

    We also have 3 kids together ranging from twin daughters of almost 15 to a son who is almost 13 months old

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