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How To Win Your Husband Back , 8 Steps

How can I win my man’s heart again?

All of us married women, wonder at some point in our married lives how to win your husband back. All relationships have their ups and downs, but all of them require some fixing.

Marriage is like a marathon, if you stop practicing , eventually, you become weaker and there is a very slim chance you will win.

If you’re a runner and you enjoy competing, there are many races that you can participate in. There are sprints, 5k and 10k races, trail and cross-country racing, triathlons, half-marathons, and full marathons. 

The main commonality these races share is that they all require a significant amount of dedication and training and have a starting point and a finish line

Marriage is a long-distance event that occurs over an extended period. 

In contrast, these races deviate widely regarding length and mileage, levels of difficulty, and strategies necessary to win. 

Races can be helpful to metaphors when considering more complex topics, such as marriage and relationships. If marriage could be likened to any race, it would most likely be represented best by a marathon

A marathon is 26.2 miles long and the proverbial holy grail to most runners. A marathon requires endurance, preparation, motivation, and pure grit.

Runners must train long and hard for a marathon; this is not an event you can figure out as you go along. 

Runners must be consistent and pace themselves to have enough strength and stamina to complete the race. 

One may wonder why any person would endure such an arduous ordeal. Like a marathon.

Despite the labor, emotional commitment, and physical endurance a marathon requires, the pride and accomplishment one experiences upon completion are like nothing else.  We can compare it with steps on how to win the husband back.

Whereas marathons are measured through mile markers, marriage can be measured through life experiences, lessons learned, and chronological time.


Individuals must be invested and as well being motivated like a marathon upon entering a marriage. It is difficult, and it can be emotionally and physically exhausting.

Not every runner in a marathon will finish the race. Some will inevitably drop out from fatigue and exhaustion. Similarly, not every couple will make it “till death do we part,” despite their best intentions.

Marathons and marriage both require steady pacing. Despite their challenges and trouble, they’re both unparalleled and rewarding achievements.

Interestingly enough, individuals with successful marriages are rarely thought of as “winners.” They are victorious in winning and retaining their spouses’ hearts. 

Like the length and terrain of a race, love, and matters of the heart can be a murky battlefield. There are clear winners and losers, mainly when two women fiercely compete for one man’s heart. 

In an ideal world, a wife would only have to win her husband’s heart once.

In the less-than-perfect world that we live in, it’s more likely that she will need to work to retain her husband’s love and affection continually.

Many challenges, obstacles, and distractions may contribute to a woman losing her husband’s heart. A woman may lose her husband to another woman, his job, friends, or family. 

Getting Him Back Might Be Hard Work. Regardless of the circumstance, there are several tips to help you to win your husband back.  

Step #1: Invest in Him and Your Relationship

Steps to Win Your Husband Back

Husbands aren’t the only guilty parties when it comes to workaholics! If your marriage is struggling, prioritize spending more time with your husband – and fewer late nights at the office.

Respecting my husband was more important than anything else.

Despite the specific circumstance, the one contributing factor to losing a man’s heart is always related to a lack of attention and investment in him and your relationship. 

Sometimes, women become complacent and distracted by the numerous tasks and responsibilities that require their attention. 

Over time, women may knowingly or inadvertently pay less attention to their husbands and needs. Husbands may begin to feel unwanted or neglected when their wives spend more time with their children, co-workers, or friends than they do with them.

Think of your marriage as an investment; the more effort you put into it, the more you will get out of it.

Step #2: Increase Intimacy

Lack of intimacy is almost always linked to decreased marital satisfaction and problems within a relationship. Familiarity is divided into physical, and emotional support, and sexual categories.

Physical intimacy is shown through physical touches, such as hand-holding, hugging, or snuggling

Emotional intimacy occurs when spouses connect on a purely emotional level. This means both partners are in tune with each other’s thoughts, feelings, and emotions

Sexual intimacy is achieved with passion and through forms of sexual intercourse

If one or multiple forms of intimacy are missing from your marriage, you must try to incorporate them back into your relationship

Depending on the difficulty you encounter in your relationship, you may need to assess your partner’s comfort level. Begin at an appropriate starting point that feels right for both of you.

Step #3: Improve Communication

Steps to Win Your Husband Back

Carve opportunities for open communication and quality time into your schedules.

A communication breakdown always spells trouble for a relationship. When communication is negligible or non-existent, spouses become out of sync by wandering off onto different pages. 

Love languages is very important for a relationship, in order not to lose the spike. A Great Way to Connect With Him is Through His Love Language.

Couples no longer share the mundane or the essential details of their day. They refrain from sharing their fears or aspirations and are no longer privy to their partner’s day-to-day activities. 

If one partner is upset or angry, their spouse may not understand the cause of their anger, let alone even realize it. 

To win your husband back, you must increase communication by spending time together, sharing your thoughts, fears, wishes, and dreams, and listening to what each other has to say. Improve your listening skills. If he’s willing to talk— listen!!

Ultimately, it would be best to get back on the same page.If one partner is upset or angry, their spouse may not understand the cause of their anger, let alone even realize it. 

Step #4: Show Respect

Sometimes, a woman will lose her husband due to a lack of respect. Spouses can be cruel at times or even downright degrading towards their partners. 

Wives may reference their husbands with derogatory names, speak to them aggressively or passive-aggressively, or show negative emotions that continuously put them down while diminishing their honest efforts. A lack of mutual respect here can contribute to an uneven power differential in a relationship and erode self-esteem and self-worth.

Respect should be at the core of any relationship, especially in a marriage. 

Always show your husband he is valued and should feel respected and to feel loved, by giving him the respect he deserves.

Step #5: Confront Problems

Professional counseling for a couple

Professional counseling may be your best chance if you’re working through complex issues. Be there for your husband and help him work through any problems, whether or not you caused them.

If a wife is in jeopardy of losing her husband, there are likely several inherent problems.

Problems arise and are often perpetuated when they’re not addressed or blatantly ignored. 

Sometimes, couples refuse to admit that there is a problem, while others tend to avoid them merely. One partner occasionally likes to work on the issues, while the other spouse isn’t interested. 

Most of the time, if both partners are willing, problems can be addressed quietly in the comfort of their homes. 

However, some problems are more complex and multi-faceted and, thus, may require some level of professional intervention. 

If you have lost your husband to infidelity, substance abuse, mental illness, or another complex issue, professional counseling would be recommended to help you and your spouse learn how to cope and overcome the problems you are facing.

Although this may seem counter intuitive, you must invest in your husband in addition to investing in yourself. If you have low self-esteem or self-worth or do not value yourself, your husband will likely not value you. 

Ensure you’re engaging in appropriate levels and amounts of self-care and paying attention to your needs. You cannot expect anyone else to love you if you do not love yourself. 

Additionally, you will never be able to care for anyone else if you do not care for yourself first. You may have developed anger and resentment towards your husband if you have neglected yourself and your needs. 

It would be best if you always demanded respect from others in addition to demanding it from yourself. If you see value in yourself, your husband will also start to see the value in you.  That is how you can win your husband back.

Step #6: Stop Dwelling on the Past

Some wives lose their husbands because they cannot let things go or don’t know how to. They tend to dwell on events from the past, harbor resentment, and, as a result, are unable to move forward. When women remain stuck in one place, they incapacitate themselves to release the baggage they hold. 

Perhaps they inappropriately bring up issues from the past during disagreements or use past indiscretions against their husbands. 

If you can work through and process your hurt and anger, stop punishing your husband with the past, and practice forgiveness, you’ll be one step closer to winning him back.

Step #7: Increase Quality Time

Steps to Win Your Husband Back

Connecting in the modern era of technology, screens, and constant distractions can be hard. Try to spend time with each other in the great outdoors, or just set your phone down for a few hours!

Spouses often spend the most people doing good things and time together without really spending time together.

One is on their phone scrolling through social media, while the other is on their computer trying to meet a deadline. 

Sometimes this will happen while spouses are at the same dinner table or in bed together! At other times, one spouse will play video games while the other tries to talk to them.  When one person is not giving their partner their full attention, it makes the other partner feel unimportant. It sends the message that your partner doesn’t care what you have to say. 

In this highly technological and distracted age that we live in, it’s easy to spend ‘time’ together without spending quality time together. 

Spending time with your husband by putting the electronics away and focusing solely on him is increasingly vital. 

Increased quality time will bolster positive feelings and connectedness for happy marriage, bringing you closer to winning back your husband’s heart and affection.

Step #8: Show Appreciation

An established behavioral principle is that individuals thrive from positive reinforcement. Human beings have an innate need to feel needed and appreciated

Over time, spouses take each other for granted and expect their partner to take out the garbage, do the laundry, or cook dinner. When one person is not giving their partner their full attention, it makes the other partner feel unimportant. It sends the message that your partner doesn’t care what you have to say. 

One way to win your husband back is to always show appreciation by thanking him for his efforts, every effort, especially when he goes out of his way to turn things around for the future for you and your family.

Wrapping Up on how to Win your Husband Back

Like marathons, marriage requires endurance, commitment, and practice. If you don’t give up, there’s always a chance of “winning the race” (and winning your husband back).

Marathons and marriages represent an excellent challenge for those who partake in them. 

To be successful in either venture, a person must endure, practice, and pace themselves to make it to the end. 

Shortcuts, sprinting, and cheating will never get you to the finish line in both races and relationships.  When one person is not giving their partner their full attention, it makes the other partner feel unimportant. It sends the message that your partner doesn’t care what you have to say. 

If you want to win your husband back, you must pay full attention.

Sometimes, it takes people a long time to identify and learn from their mistakes. During this time, some may even jeopardize their marriage without realizing it. 

Should this occur, a woman may find herself losing her husband, thus propelling her right back into love’s murky battlefield.   

If you’ve made your share of mistakes and lost your husband in the process, do not despair. Whatever the circumstances, there’s still time to use these tips to learn and grow, individually and as a couple. 

Try to have confidence in yourself and your relationship. Give it time.

He Needs to See That He Can Have a New Life— With You By His Side

Photo of author

Tracy Smith, LPC, NCC, ACS

Tracy Smith, LPC, NCC, ACS is a Licensed Professional Counselor in New Jersey, a Nationally Certified Counselor, an Approved Clinical Supervisor, and a mental health freelance writer. Tracy has fourteen years of clinical and supervisory experience in a variety of mental health settings and levels of care.

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